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theirlaw

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Everything posted by theirlaw

  1. theirlaw
    funny, my dad found out last night and all he could ask me is "has she lost it"...
  2. theirlaw
    Quick update. Wife left me two weeks ago because on our honeymoon 4 months ago!! I told her that in the past i had slept with prostitutes. She new I had been very promiscuous but not the fact I had paid sometimes. The postitution happened 6 years before I met her. |She says she can't trust me anymore - always had a trust issue!! We hadn't spoke on the phone or since last tuesday when I saw her, cried and pleaded as you do and pushed her away more. She totally blanked me would not look me in the eye. Last night she caled and was very happy and chatty but told me during our 20 minute conversation that she was happy on her own with her 7 year old daughter. I am finding things hard to understand and cope with. how can she be so happy, is she just saying that? Ladies?? Gent?? Any clues?? Thanks loads James
  3. theirlaw
    Biggest tip from me is too not tell her anything. Show her in the ways you are and how you meet her needs. Words are easy to dismis, actiopns are not... TL
  4. theirlaw
    Thanks sister. It's strange but she has actually done this before. With the father of her daughter (though he was a prat), and three men since then. I was warned if it's not perfect - she's gone!! Thanks for your kind words - me and my (ex as she thinks) partner have started talking again through email and she is going to call me tonight. Just have too see how it goes - i'm going to marriage counselling tonight on my own as she wont come (have not asked her again). Suppose I'll just have to be her friend, show my affection and wait patiently liek a Zen Budha ;-)
  5. theirlaw
    Thanks sister ;-) I have already told her all those things. This happened 8 years before we met an done of the first things we did before any "unsafe" sex together was get myself tested, loterally within the first 4 weks of the relationship. Problem is if I say any of these things agian she will put up more barriers to me as these things are accusing her of being wrong. Hey I tried though. The grand conclusion I have is not to tell a partner that's pushing you away anything. Dont even mention the bad stuff she thinks about you. Agree with her!! BUT, show her in non-vocal ways all these things. Show love, affection, responsibility and friendship but without ever tellign her a thing. That is my plan - if it doesn't work I'll be happy (obviously not as happy) but at leaset I know I have tried and tried properly - not just crying and accusing.... TL
  6. theirlaw
    Thanks again mate that is exactly what I'm aiming for - just needed to post again after the mail to and from her today. That glimmer of hope ;-) I think this is one of the hardest challenges of my ife knowing how emotionally driven I am. How can I be the friend of the women I love knowing all the time I want to remind her I love her verbally. Perhaps the best advice I'm giving myself and of course it's so obvious is to show the love and meet her needs but in a non verbal way. What ever I say she will not believe so just show it ;-) Sounds so easy but it's such a hard thing to pull off... TL
  7. theirlaw
    Sghort update: Been married since november. Wife left me a week Friday as she said she didn't love me anymore. She said this is because i told her (on the last day of the honeymoon) I had splept with prostitues 8 years before she met me. She has had a still born child 8 years ago and two miscarriages since just before christmas which didn't seem to afect her. The stage now. She wants a divorce and the last time we spoke she blanked me and I did the usual cry, complain, question and tell her she's wrong etc... Bloody wimp ;-). I backed off and hadn't spoke to her since Tuesday. Sent her a mail today saying nothing about nothing. Just this is what I've been up to friendly stuff. She responded and appoloigied for being cold and said she'd call me on sunday night. i will try to keep things friendly and wl not mention "us" again as it obviously get's her defences up. But can I get it back is the question i keep asking my self? Am I doing the right stuff. I feel I've been pushing her away by complaining about her decsion to divorve, at first it was "give me space" the next day it was divorce. I shold have backed off the first day. perhaps if I'm just her friend she can realise that it was not what I told her that caused her to be upset and loose her feelings.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
  8. theirlaw
    thought about that myself but I'm not surte how to go about it and if it's considered the "right" thing to do??
  9. theirlaw
    dont follow mate...
  10. theirlaw
    lord how much that hurt me the first time I thought about it. She kicked me out and left me with no home or money. Blaming it on what I told her I thought was ridiculous and for the first week I hated her for it. Nearly persuaded myself I didn't love her but that's just a joke. If only she had realised the problem sooner and actualy talked to me about it. I'm a very approachable and sensitive guy (bit of a girl really ;-). Well I'm going to stick at it - problem being she;'s done this before and somehow managed to completely cut her feelings off. Gonnamake her biutter though, she says she never wants another relationship ;-) Oh well, onwards and upwards. Tanks TL
  11. theirlaw
    she never semed to show any emotion for the miscariage - when she split up with me she told me she only wanted to get pregnant because of how whe felt. She didn't even decide what the problem was until the day she kicked me out during some councelling (she'd seen a counceller twice and not told me). The cuncellor sugested she talk to me about hte protitution thing. She tells me know it's not what I've done but the fact I hadn't told her before we married. My gut feeloing is she was depressed and misserable and the easiest - certainly least painful way for her. EWas to blame it on what I told her... She has refused joint councelling (maybe she's scared it'll prove her wrong?) but conrtinues to go on her own - which I will be doing as well. TL
  12. theirlaw
    well a lot of people would agree, doesn't help that I love her though ;-)
  13. theirlaw
    I met my wife in August 2000 and have been married since november 2002 so only 4 months. Friday before last I came home at work, my wife bust out crying and declared she didn't love me anymore, then kicked me out. Her reason for not loving me is that I told her on the last day of our honeymoon that in the past I had slept with prostitutes and didn't tell her before we married - this happened 8 years before i met her. I cant help thinking there is more to it than than but she wont talk and is pushing me away. There had never been any mention of this until she had seen a councelor who sugested she discused it with me. Now she's as cold as Ice and I cant seem to find a way to break through. We have been through some hard times since our marriage. My partner had a still born baby many years ago and is a single mother of a lovely 7 year old daughter. Since our marriage we have had two miscarriages which must be causing her pain but she cerrtainly is not showing it. What am I to do, do I back off and wait or do I try to show her repeated ly that I'm not the bad man she thinks I am?? Any advice is always greatfully received. With thanks
  14. theirlaw
    Thank you both for your advice. My wife has been seeking councelling and in fact that is what led (to a certain extent) to this. Her reasons for not loving me anymore; now that's a big subject. In her mind it was the fact i told her of my past after we married. She has ben saying that in her mind the marriage never happened. I think she feels trapped and tricked in to the relationship as she wasn't given all the knowledge of my past to her to make up her mind before we. Deep in my heart I'm sure this is not the real reson. I know to some people sleeping with prostitutes is a big thing. To me, it was long ago and so insignificant to me but I do understand her position. I have sugested joint counceling that i would pay for while we live appart until the November deadline !! unfortuneately so far she has turned this down. It's been nearly two weks since I was asked to leave and we have spoken nearly ever day either by phone or email. She stil has a lot of barriers up and I'm noew trying to back off and when we speak next be amicable and not try to talk about the bad things. I think every time I question her being right about her decision I am making things worse. I just cant believe that what I" told her is the only reason. It seems to me she's just blaming the last 4 months unhappinesss (this is when the miscarriags occurred) on my "secret"... i locve her dearly and wil not give up, just got to get softly, softly on ;-)
  15. theirlaw
    I met my wife in August 2000and have been married since november 2002 so only 4 months. Friday before last I'm came home at work, my wife bust out crying and declared she didn't love me anymore, then kicked me out. Her reason for not loving me is that I told her on the last day of our honeymoon that in the past I had slept with prostitutes - this was 8 yesars before i met her. I cant help thinking there is more to it than than but she wont talk and uis pushing me away. There had never been any mention of this until she had seen a councelor who sugested she discused it with me. Now she's as cold as Ice and I cant seem to find a way to break through. We have been through some hard tmes since our marriage. My partner had a still born baby many years ago and is a single mother of a lovely 7 year old daughter. Since our marriage we have had two miscarriages which must be causing her pain but she cerrtainly is not showing it. What am I to do, do I back of and wait or do I try to sho her repeated ly that I'm npot the bad man she thinks I am?? Any advice is always greatfully received. With thanks
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