DarkCh0c0

@Heid when you said you were over him making these comments, did you break up with him or have you just been silent since then?

@smackie9 Correct. He isn't comfortable. I think OP broke up with him.

Okay. Then I fully agree with Smackie. He must be resentful of living like this. Can't you rent an apartment for you guys? A one bedroom? Living with in-laws would also make me cranky and want to run away every time I see them. And, it's okay if he doesn't get asking with her. He doesn't have to. You're the women he's with. Are there other concerns in the relationship? Or* is this a deal breaker for you? If it is, then don't feel guilty.

Like what? How does your mom treat him? Was he like that when you guys didn't live at your mom's place? And, why don't you guys get your own place?

Agree. Boundaries will help and you have great examples above. If she stops talking to you when setting good boundaries, don't be surprised. She might not be that much of a great friend.

1. Why are you dating secretly? Let the guy know she has a bf! 2. Your gf needs to get better with boundaries too. She has to stop being alone around him. But that doesn't necessarily mean you should break up.

Stop talking to him. I partially blame him for telling you let's stay friends, and I bet he likes the attention you give him. So stop this whole mess. You two you can't be friends and end it. You block him and that's it. No conversation and no dialogue. Yes, it's hard. But, sometimes you need to listen to your rational side as a lady and override the emotional side to make better decisions. +The friendship is serving him, and not you. It's only making you fall more for him. So you stop the curse. You end it. Once you feel better, you start seeing other people. He's not as perfect as you think. And please, don't sleep with him. Listen to Dua Lipa: new rules. When in doubt, remind yourself of these rules. No more excuses.

@Carnatic you've got great advice above. Have you tried therapy to uncover and overcome the reasons behind your lack of motivation?

A few lines are a start.. and by lines I mean " Hi, I'm -insert name-" ask about hers,mention she looks nice/compliment something you've noticed about her, and then see if she'd like a drink or to hang out later. By lines, I meant conversation starters to ease yourself in. I'm not talking about cheesy lines or ones you watch on YouTube from non-sense pick up artists.

Thanks everyone. Coming back here and reading your comments really helps.

Could you read some articles online on how to do so? There's plenty of good advice. You can learn a few lines/ how to, but you also need to be yourself and like it. Also, you need to be ready to take no -and yes- for an answer. If you don't start acting on all of what you've listed, don't be surprised if you come back to this forum 10 years later to write the same things. But, I don't think that's why posted here. You just need to get the ball rolling.

Exactly! OP what you just mentioned is crazy. He wishes you were like her! He's not really in love with you. He even lied at first! You have proof, and I'm sure he won't admit that he's not over her her. His words say something, but his actions confirm something else. I'm sorry. You know what to do.

More lies... He is the one putting his profile out there. I do fear he's not over her since she dumped him, and I'm fearing you're his rebound. What he's said about her tells you clearly that he's not over her. I mean, what about you? Aren't you his great lady NOW?

Great job! Give yourself a pat on the back and be proud. This is the least he deserves. Please take care of you.

Okay. 1. You aren't a sketchy dude. Stop the self-pity talk and believe in yourself. Everyone has something to offer and so do you. 2. I'm a woman and I wouldn't mind at all being approached by men at bars! That's partially what bars are made for: socializing and getting to know others. 3. Have you tried therapy/books to help you with your self-esteem? Do you have any idea when it started? Childhood/parents/school/...?

I agree. OP you need to think better of yourself, before others do so. And, you don't need people's validation to be whoever you want to be. But, are you now where you want to be in life? What can bring you joy? You need to be happy by yourself before you seek out partners- and that includes a working on having a good self-esteem, a thicker skin, and enjoying your life. If you live the life you lead, it doesn't matter what other people say. The right fit will come along the way so long you put yourself out there. You're well aware of what you'd like work on, so you're half way there.

Have you tried approaching women at the bar? That's one way to start.

What do you consider yourself to be then?

I work as a freelancer and what you've mentioned is not true. If you are low paid with little job security, then you need to renovate your business plan; aka increase your rates and work on how you present your skills and expertise to new clients. You can do it. Don't let it hold you down like that.

Oh I'm so sorry about this. I have similar parents too. I just know in the back of my mind that one day I'll have to cease contact with them- or more so, they'll be the ones to do it- once I stand up for certain things I want in life. It's sad, but I've come to accept it with time. I just keep pushing the topic, because for now it's irrelevant. But one day, when things get real, they will know and they will not be happy. You're very brave for showing your parents the way out of the door. It's how it needs to be. Take care of you, your present, and your family. The world is not like TV unfortunately. Real life hits different and it's scary- but worth it. Good job. You are a great mom.

@boltnrunyep. Good point.

@LaHermes well that's a fun read!

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate reading your input. I'll re-read it again before having my next meeting with that manager (sadly, tomorrow). I also think.. it must be something in me- not just work related- as it really disturbs me. The crying is just horrible and heavy on my chest. I haven't cried like that in so long. As @DancingFool mentioned, it must be some kind of trauma I have I'm not aware of (I do suffer from childhood trauma), but I just can't put my finger on it. Just reading a comment from him makes me burst into tears and stop working. So... Probably a mix of getting used to handling a higher role and my own stress response/ triggers. Thanks again ☀️

@boltnrun yes. He is. I noticed that today when he replied to the project manager to a suggestion he's made in a very dry way as well. So, I told myself.. it's not just me. It's just how he is and I have to work with it. I just watched some Grey's anatomy scenes and noticed how some drs were similar; not toxic, but harsh/rude/blunt. It doesn't affect other drs that much, so I'll try to shake it off with time and not let it affect me emotionally as well.

@Rose Mosse thank you. I appreciate the advice. @LaHermes I will try with Rose's advice. A meeting with feedback from him might help "clear out the air" as they say- at least from my end. Maybe it'll give me assurance that he's a good person and has nothing against me. I do think @DancingFool has a point. His presence "shakes me to the core". It's too.. unusual. But when I try to think what/who he reminds me of, I just can't seem to find what/who. I'll investigate further.