gamon

Nah, the distance and school thing had nothing to do with it. Your insecurity, jealousy, and cringeworthy clinginess sealed your fate.

Thoughts about what? Who cares if he's a liar? He's just a hangout buddy, nothing more. Don't overthink.

Then why bother starting this thread in the first place? He's just someone to hang out, go places with and occasionally cuddle with, that's what you said. There's nothing to fix here. He's just someone you hang out with. So go hang out.

3 years and you're obsessed with a woman you never even dated, to the point you're considering telling her to take her business elsewhere. Damn dude that's like really messed up. She is not the problem here, you gotta fix what's totally broken inside your head. Use her coffee money towards a copay for some serious mental health treatment. You seriously need it.

Your sister is spot on. Sorry but that's the hard truth here. You didn't ask but there are bigger issues here. The way you dealt with his initial rejection, continuing to chase him despite him making it abundantly clear he wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship, and then years later, you're shaking because you heard from him, and you never stopped thinking about him. These deeper problems should be addressed or they will haunt you forever and affect you whenever you meet a guy you like.

I read your backstory thread about the breakup that wasn't a breakup but it was a breakup because you broke up with him then you wanted him back then you got him back but he started acting mean for the zillionth time and so you decided to go completely no contact for several days at a time without actually telling him you're breaking up then he'd do the same to you and this cycle went on and on and whichever one of you went no contact on the other it made the other one come around looking for the one who wasn't talking to the other one. My answer is that you are in no place to be dating this guy and even if you were, he's in no place to be dating anyone and even if you were in a good mental place to date others, this guy and you are completely dysfunctional with nothing positive about your past interactions to make this abomination of a "BF/GF relationship" even remotely worth considering anytime prior to the next ice age. You (and he) need serious help that you aren't getting and doing breath hold exercises for your anxiety is like someone with terminal cancer taking vitamin C and hoping for the best.

I was going to also respond to the whole "why would a guy travel 2 hours for sex" thing but it's been covered by others especially in the post above. You (Op) just gotta know how guys think!

Yeah, cheaters say the same thing about their affairs. "I made a mistake". A "mistake" is pouring salt in your coffee because you thought it was sugar. Making the decision to drink all day with your buddies (or have sex outside of a committed relationship) isn't a mistake - it's a choice. How you chose to deal with the woman after she made it clear she was done because clearly your irresponsible heavy drinking isn't a "one time thing", and making it all about what YOU want speaks volumes more. Your actions define you. Your lack of accountability is appalling. By the way- when you post publically on an anonymous relationship forum you don't get to tell others what they can and cannot respond with, but if you're offended there's an "Ignore" feature specifically for that purpose.

Our actions define us. This woman knew you for 2 weeks & 4 dates (or something like that). 1/4 you were drunk and rude. She's thinking it's not a once in a lifetime thing. And -as far as the purpose of this thread- what she thinks is all that matters. They way you have attempted to deal with the situation is another matter entirely and clearly you do not want to go there because you see it as "being judged and people making assumptions". When these things happen to you - and these women suddenly "flip" from being really into you to disappearing (which is not normal), try to see things from their perspective for a change, rather than making it all about you.

Assuming this post is at least partially directed towards me, I'll offer up that I've never dated or slept with a man.

I can't imagine why this keeps happening to you.

How can he apologize for being himself if he can't even accept that's who he is? Look at it from her perspective. She's a hot, desirable woman who has guys chasing her left and right. Like most attractive women, she's had a lot of dates, and most or all have been just bad. She's met a small handful of guys over the years, maybe had a few relationships, but here she is, single and jaded, and not so fast to trust or open up to a guy. So she meets the Op, and thinks "wow, i met a guy who really has potential", she gets her hopes up, really starts opening up to him and developing feelings and after what was it, 2 weeks and 3 dates, he gets drunk and shows his true colors, while denying that's who he is and proclaiming that it was a "one time thing" that will never happen again- why wouldn't it? He certainly didn't offer up any reasons why he suddenly did a 180 from being such a nice, regular, responsible respectful guy and did a once in a lifetime stupid irresponsible thing on a typical weekend that deviated from how he generally lives his life and operates as a human being. She's a smart woman, she knows this is who he is, she knows that of course it will happen again. He's a rude, disrespectful, irresponsible selfish drunk, and he's not the sort of guy she wants any sort of future with. Once again she's disappointed, even more jaded, she made it CLEAR that she's done with him, and for good reason. Even now he won't respect her wishes and continues to reach out to her because he's thinking only of himself. On here he speaks negatively about women in general. He lacks character, and she's a smart, experienced woman who sees this. Now imagine she's sitting there feeling stung yet again, thinking about how yet another prospective relationship partner turned out to be yet another huge disappointment, trying to focus on other things, and a bouquet of flowers shows up from him. She'd probably toss them in the garbage, it would do nothing to change her mind and probably just add insult to injury.

Well there it is. He's expecting to meet a woman 30 lbs lighter. No wonder you're nervous.

I'd be more worried about my ability to make sound judgments given that you see nothing wrong with considering sex and a relationship with an opposite gender guy who is married to a man.

I scrolled back after reading a few posts to see who the "flower sender" idea came from. Sorry but in situations like this sending flowers is just lame.

Who says it was completely out of character? You? Why should she believe that? If anything that's exactly who you are, why would you expect her to think anything different? Did the stars align and that's why you got so drunk and rude for the only time in your life that will ever happen? C'mon man that doesn't even come close to making sense and it's insulting to her and anyone else who reads it or listens to your excuses that you think they'll accept it as reality. Your actions speak volumes more than your words ever will. This whole thing was painful to read.

She is avoiding you because she thinks you're weird.

I read the original post again. It's dodgy, and what I'd consider to be at least borderline deception, maybe not quite approaching the level of a lie. But close.

It would have been a lot different if he did not attempt to deceive her about dating other women. He lied. That's the point.

It's a characteristic of those on the Spectrum

He's a liar. Game over.

Your Fiance thought you were cheating on her because, well you were. The swapping of nudes for money is considered an emotional affair, and apparently- although you greatly minimize it and call it a "slip up" you apparently did physically cheat on her in the past, is that right? You are not the least bit accountable for your actions, you've got uncontrolled mental and personality disorders as well as a drug addiction coupled with a criminal record. You have no business being in a relationship with anyone until and unless you get yourself squared away. The first step is accountability, which you seem to entirely lack.

Things are not going to get better, they can and are going from bad to worse. The sooner you figure it out and pull the plug the better off you'll be in the long run. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, I've had the same "you better move in or we're finished" ultimatum and I too moved in. Recently that relationship ended, and even then I didn't realize how bad things were until about 2 months out when I could look back at it and now I shake my head, and in my head the words are "*** was I thinking?"

You're totally in the wrong, planning to give away serving bowls when your wife isn't onboard. Apologize to her and don't do it again. If you don't understand why that's just so inconsiderate and insensitive I have no other advise for you other than to accept that when you argue with your wife about something she's probably right.

Don't settle with one person, multiple date until you're reasonably sure there's enough to go the distance, even then you can never be sure what another person is thinking. That's the nature of the game. As far as this one goes I'd just focus on other things, don't take any actions towards deleting or asking her what's up or pressure her for answers, I doubt even she knows. Don't be surprised if after you stop reaching out she comes around looking. It's like chasing a dog- if you stop chasing and run the other way guess who's right on your heels..