Firiel

Height isn't really important to me. As a fairly tall girl (5'11"), I know that if I were to limit myself only to guys that were taller than me, I would quite possibly miss out on a lot. So yeah, height has never really bothered me. Sure it's nice if a guy is taller than I am, but it's definitely not something that is a deal maker or breaker for me.

So, I'll try to make this as short as I can. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Story- Last year, this guy and I started to like each other. We were always "just friends" but we went to all three school formals together, and everyone (including me and him) knew that we liked each other. Summer came, and we still hung out a decent amount. Anyway, he went on this mission trip to Mexico and had a fairly serious fling (which obviously didn't work out, by the way). He didn't even bother to tell me, and I found out it through some friends. I basically cried for months. Anyway, we didn't see each other at all through the summer, and when school started he pretty much tried to avoid me as much as possible. (Hard, since we have a lot of mutual friends and have to sit next to each other in a class.) A couple weeks passed, and he left a message on my cell phone saying he was sorry he hurt me and that he still wanted to be friends. I said I forgave him but still kinda acted like a jerk. I later apologized for being a jerk, and he said it was okay; however, he still never talks to me. And now that I'm no longer mad at him, I feel hurt once again. Questions- Can I assume from the fact that he never talks to me that he just apologized to feel less guilty and that he actually doesn't want to be friends? Should I just leave him alone and be civil to him? I don't want to be some sort of stalker girl. Do I have a right to be angry at him? We were always "just friends." It's so much easier to feel angry than to feel hurt. I'm doing the right thing by forgiving him event though it makes me hurt more, aren't I? Is it normal to still sometimes cry about all this even after almost three months? ----- Thanks for your help. This is the first "break-up" type thing I've ever been through, and it's pretty hard.

Okay, it's a bit different since you weren't sneaking around behind their backs-I mean, at least they knew about the others. However, I'm still of the opinion that you should break up with one before going out with the other (it just seems like the nice thing to do), and anyways, isn't three boyfriends at one time is a little much... And just me being stupidly technical- those three boys weren't "in love" with you, in my opinion. They just really, really liked you. I'm sure it'll be another few years before they truly fall in "love." And just in case anyone got the wrong idea from my first post- blueangel, I'm not saying that you should get into a life-long commitment now. If you do decide to date at a young age, it should be like RayKay said- fun and about meeting others. I'm just trying to say that when you are old enough it is, indeed, quite possible, and gratifying, to love one person for your whole life. This is a great topic of discussion, by the way...

Shouldn't you feel obligated to be faithful, or at least truthful to your boyfriend? I mean, your attitude here seems selfish. "Who cares how I'm hurting others, as long as I'M happy." I just don't get it.

"Well, animals do it!" is not an acceptable excuse for anything. We, as humans, are not animals. Some animals will also kill their own kind. Does that make it acceptable for humans to do the same? Even if you don't share my personal belief that God created us separate from and above animals, you should still know that it is not acceptable for us to act like them. About love "not lasting," it depends on your definition of love. If you define love as "that tingling feeling in the pit on your stomach that you get when a someone attractive walks by" then you are right. Love doesn't last. However, I do not believe that that is what love really is, and I'm sure at least some people will agree with me. Love is a decision. When you meet the right person, you will begin to care deeply for them, on a whole new level than merely physical, mental, or emotional attraction. The most important thing is to make sure that this is the real thing and not just an infatuation. You need to really know the person before you decide to truly "love" them. (Truly knowing the person will keep you from being surprised when they turn out to be a slob.) The thing is, when you make the decision to "love and to cherish, for better or for worse, through sickness and in health" and mean it, you will want to treat your partner with the respect, love, and admiration that they deserve, even when you're not feeling those butterflies in the pit of your stomach. You should put their needs before your own. This is difficult for many people to accept in the "me, me, me" society we live in. However, I'm not saying that you should just be a doormat for your partner to walk over, because if they truly love you, THEY will also treat YOU with the respect, love, and admiration that YOU deserve and will put YOUR needs before their own. And for me at least, getting treated that great by a person I was already attracted to would keep the romantic feelings alive as well. So, in conclusion, true love is a mutual decision made by two people who care for and respect each other enough to be willing to sacrifice to give the other person the life and love that they deserve. I suppose the term could be "mutual self-sacrifice." I'd like to see an animal do that.