Rickster

nope lost her cause of the long distance relationship

coolsome, I actually do what you said. Ive been doing it since... quite a while. Ive not given up hope, and I will not give up hope. Everyone gives up to much. Im not going to be called a quiter. my update: I just called her. And guess what, after 2 weeks and 2 days of NC she sounded pretty much her old self. She told me something, and it made me feel like she wants me in her personal life. I don't mean being together, but just having to know each others life once again. I told her about my car accident that I just recently had. And she really sounded so much like her self. It was kind of funny, so hopefully she found it very interesting. It was swell. But then I think she was chatting online while I was talking to her, but I didn't realise, so at one point she stopped talking... I respect that she needs her own time too. So I wasn't disheartened from it. Infact, I was disturbing, and I guess I called her at a wrong time. And she said she was busy at the moment. So I said sorry and both of us put down the phone. Went perfect! coolsome, that 2 weeks of NC worked even better. Thanks man.

If you can bare the pain, I don't see why not. Im not sure how Im moving on. I have suddenly lost the feeling of moving on. At the moment I don't have any goals. So I don't know where I should be moving to.

its good to hear everyones coming out of depression. im too. just remember your ex doesnt love your depressed personality, but your real happy self. i never noticed this, until recently after my NC when i had time to myself and i thought about things from the ex's perspective. i feel this stretch of NC has given me time to think more about stuff. my first stretch of NC made me think about things and get me in the right direction, but this NC has really made me think deeper. coolsome, thank you for telling me to wait for 2 weeks. i guess i never noticed that i needed one. and this NC has gave me topics and stuff to talk to her about (weird situation, long story). and she'll probably be thinking why we never contacted each other. keeps her in a mystery... ive kept things aloof.

keefy "I am amazed at how many people post in here about NC and say, "I'm afraid they will forget about me" and am sure that's been a small fear of my own. In reality, Dave said it best when he said, "have you ever just randomly thought of an old friend from years ago?" Well, I was one of those people who had this perception of "If I don't call they'll forget me". And I didn't really see that quote from SuperDave, but hey I found it out myself. Im on my 2nd stretch of NC. 2 weeks so far. And Ive already done 2 weeks of NC some time back. She hasn't called me. Well, Im going to break this NC soon. Both of us were on talking terms before this stretch of NC, but Ive no idea why I just fell back into NC, maybe it creates a more aloof feeling. I guess she's wondering why there's no contact.

Sometimes I think to myself that I didn't try my hardest. But at that time I thought I was doing my best. It's funny that we all never realise what we had. And I do think my ex is probably having a hard time with this new guy. And that she can never get another guy like me, like what I gave her.

very true.

OCD the only thing you're doing wrong is you are expecting something. its going to make you feel bad. dont expect anything. dont expect her to call you more often. dont expect her to tell her more about herself. dont expect her to return any respect to you. its only going to hurt you. dont have any expectations. do what you feel is right, but dont think about what might happen. just let the future decide for itself. if you dont expect something and you get a good response you'll feel even more happy than if you were expecting something. in addition, if you expect something, you will want to force something out of it, dont force anything, its only going to push her away. i havent called my ex for almost 2 weeks. i guess its another NC. but ill call her, just to keep the communication line open. she hasnt contacted me since almost 2 weeks. hopefully she will open herself more. i finally have things to talk to her about.

coolsome, please dont take this as an argument. i hate to argue about relationships, its just very personal. but please do state your points i may be looking from a different point of view and may have not seen other things. maybe my phrase "im not good enough for anything" was too strong. but what i meant was, from her, why should i be good enough to get all the nice stuff from her? especially at this moment. im nothing more than a friend. do i deserve to be treated like a bf while im just her friend? no. in that case if she sees any boy then she can treat them like her bf. then in that case what difference is her bf from her friends? actually to this date i havent called her for 1 week and 2 days. ive not seen her for 3 weeks or more. i dont plan to call her until friday. i dont have some pinned up schedule that lists the days i must call her. i just go by the feeling. i feel i still need more trust from her. i feel if you want your ex back the first thing to do is win her trust. at first, she'll be reluctant to give you any, its just by talking differently, showing you are different. show yourself to your ex who you really are, not when you are depressed. and thats currently what im trying to do. regain her trust. i call her to show to her that im who im. and i dont expect a call back from her. i find that expecting something back from your ex is going to hurt you when you dont get want you want. and not only that you are trying to force her to give you want you want. when you start demanding things you're only pushing your ex away. and thats why i say im not good enough for anything.

it's true, she loved you with the personality before, not when you are depressed. so try to be a happy chappy.

ah coolsome, this is where i strongly disagree with you. first of all i believe if theres a will theres a way. and of course i feel like im going about it the right way. im not pestering, pleading, begging and crying and all sorts over this. if you're strong enough mentally, i believe its more possible. and im very strong. then i believe im not in denial. what exactly am i denying? im not denying that she dosn't love me or she doesn't have part of her heart still on me. im not denying that she hasn't moved on, i dont feel bad because of her bf. i said i get lonely and i love her and miss her. im not denying that. i know she has moved on, thats just the way it is. then, i dont just be there for her. i dont jump on her lap waiting for her to pet me. there were some text that i didn't reply for a long time. and after the day passed i text her out of respect. my respect meaning, as friends. i feel im at this point where she can trust me a little. so i feel we are friends not very close ones. so i respect people's time to text me and i return that respect to people, then friends won't think im snobbish and arrogant. remember ive gone through NC already, so i feel ive had enough. "Why should she become your GF when you are her best friend and you will always be there for her?" this i think is very incorrect. friend's are always there for one another, anytime, anyday. i believe relationships comes from being close friends, being there for one another, helping each other when you need someone. if you were just acqaintances you won't be there for her. and if you aren't there for her why would she think you are any better to be with in a relationship? what have you done that would make her feel that she wants to be in a relationship with you? so i think its very intrue. yes im not good enough to receive a phone call, yes i may pick up the scraps she left behind, do i think anything about it? no! you are thinking about it in a relationship point of view; in a view that im still with her. but no, i know the fact that im not. why should i be good enough for anything at the moment? im not with her. have you thought that now she has a bf, and of course she's going to treat him much nicer that anyone else, and of course ill get the scraps. and just thinking of what i put her through after the break-up, ill obviously get the falling crumbs. i don't think how much things i should be getting from her, im grateful for what i have, im just a friend; in a friend's mind you'll never be thinking about what you get from her or what you don't get from her. i very much live my own life. i dont call her frequently. like once or twice every week. for about 5 to 10 minutes nothing more. i act aloof. what you said is untrue, i don't believe it, that's just my opinion.

coolsome infact she told me she has a bf. im still after her, but not in the way most people would think. i think really differently now, after that NC. i love her, and i know the only way i will have a chance to atleast be back as friends is to become friends. im not depressed about it. im strong and ironwill. im strong enough to tell myself to not be depressed because i know my ex loves me because of what i really was and not a depressant. she has done some of the contacting. but it was through text, and text isn't as valuable as spoken words. and the questions she asked wasn't about me, it was something to do with helping her out except for one time when she text me asking me where i was. im happy enough to reply those texts. and i dont expect anything. i feel much better if i dont expect anything. its only those lonely nights when im bored and i just want to talk to someone what ive done and get a response, and ask what she has done.

OCD yeps, its working for you, just keep doing it. i think you've made her abit jealous and that's why she's calling you alot. she doesn't have a partner right? so i think she's just jealous. but i don't think ill ever do that to my ex. i can never think of making her feel jealous, and can never make her think that im going out with someone else, it's just something personal that ive said to her before and i keep my promises.

renaissancewoman101 - you need to make friends. definitely. im in the same boat as you. i feel lonely at night because my ex and i used to talk until we were to tired to talk at nights. i get so lonely that i have no one to talk to. im not close to my mother, my father has got a new family and my sister is the only one i talk to but she's living in another country so it's tough to contact her. i don't think your ex dumoed you at the moment your best friends were moving out of town to drown you in misery. i don't think he noticed it. what fantasia2004 said is correct. i did the same it's a long story. but i shall share. i was suicidal over this break-up. i was in a long distance relationship and been with her for over 2 years. i was in great shock when she wanted a breakup. and the worst bit was that it was so difficult to contact her, we were in different parts of the world. that's why i was depressed and suicidal. i knew she loved me but still she insisted that she wanted a breakup, because everytime i said i would slit my wrists even more and she started crying, i felt i couldn't do anything and i wanted to do something to save the relationship. but the best thing to do is not to do anything. i didnt realise that at that moment. then i started talking to friends that both of us knew. and then they gave up on me. they started rejecting me. thats really bad. i feel that i need the friends both of us knew already to become closer to her again. and that's when i started acting and thinking differently. at this moment im thinking with my heart and mind. i feel that our friends will get me closer because they will tell her how much ive changed from suicidal boy to the old me. as i started getting closer to our friends and they started trusting my, they called me out a few times and that's where i showed them ive changed. that i was no longer depressed and still going after my ex and i was over that stage (eventhough i do miss her). and i bet, my friends told my ex about me. this is cause she started talking to me differently. from her unresponsive attitude and unwillingness to participate in the conversation to her telling me about her feelings for a friend we both know. i call her off and on, giving her mixed signals. im glad that i went back to college in the country both of us were originally in. and i see her quite rarely though but we maintain that contact once in awhile. my new college friends keep my occupied, and it gives me things to talk to her about while on the phone(we both go to different colleges now, so it's tough to come out with things to talk about). that's my long story cut short.

My update: we've not contacted each other since a week ago. i do miss her only at nights becuase i get so lonely, and ive been doing the same thing everyday. i dont have anyone to really tell my feelings and express myself and just talk about anything that will take this boredom away. i plan to call her on friday. ive been calling her off and on. ive done my fair bit of NC already, but i feel that calling her off and on will give her mixed signals. she started talking to me about some personal feelings about a friend that both of us know the last time we talked. so i think it's getting better, she's slowly trusting me, telling me some close details about her feelings. i just feel it goes so slow, but i know it's working. im becoming stronger, and my belief in becoming friends with her is making me strong. sorry i just had to say this, just needed to get things of my chest. the loneliness is killing me softly.

annie24, well it's not really up to any of us to decide whether she is for him or not, thats entirely up to her and how she feels about him. I have a ex who I still want her back, and she's got a bf. Although I don't know how close she is with him. I still have hope and Im not hurt by it. I don't know, guess it depends how strong you are. The NC helped me out and the way I think helps me out even more.

renaissancewoman101 - I think asking your friend to sit between you and your ex and question things out is a very bad idea. Especially for now. He might probably still be angry about things and both of your heads aren't in the right places. Love is very personal, so asking your friend to referee is bad. You might feel comfortable, he might not. This whole idea I think is bad. Even just talking to him without your friend about this situation is bad. It will stir up things and arguments will arise. If you want to talk about what has happened talk about it much later, and without a friend. Why do you need a friend to tell you he was wrong or you were wrong. It is your relationship, both you and your ex decide. It doesn't mean you can't go to your friend for help, but just don't bring yourself, your ex, and your friend all in the same place to talk about your relationship problems. The funny thing I learnt in the breakup and just trying to be friends with her was "you are working hard to get back only when you don't try hard enough". You see if you keep going at it, you're only going to push your ex away. Just relax and take things at a slow pace. It works much better and faster than working very hard at it. When you think that you are working hard at it, you expect something back because of hardwork. Then it will hurt you more and you're going to push your ex away because you are trying to force something. Work slowly, get his trust back, then start talking about your problems and why you didn't understand the breakup.

renaissancewoman101 - I think you need to do NC for a while. You're not thinking right. I think you are expecting to get back a good response from him but you're not, and that's hurting you. You shouldn't call him for a long time and wait till he calls you. If he doesn't and you feel much better after the NC that you don't really think about him and you don't expect anything from him then give him a call, show him that you don't care what has happened, show him that you've changed. Then he won't be so reluctant to talk to you. I think for now the worst think that you've said was, "I then asked him if we could go out and hang out as friends one of these days". Just asking him to go out was bad, and asking him to go out as friends makes it worst. I used to ask my ex the same question. Bad response, she told me she was busy, every single time I asked her, and I added "we could go out as friends". She was most probably thinking, he just wants to see me and adding friends as an excuse, and also I think she wanted to forget about me. It's a long story won't get into it. But your ex is probably thinking the same. It's going to take some time before he trusts you again. Don't worry I already know my ex has a new bf. But I still have hope. I try to think like a pesimistic and negatively, I feel it makes me not expect things from her, and when she sounds happy or anything she ask me or just contacts me, I feel very happy. Just take it slowly

Hey SuperDave glad to see you back on the forums. The funny thing is that after I did 2 weeks of NC I contacted her. And after a few times of contacting her she started to text me. So I guess it can go the other way round. Plus she sounds very happy to talk to me, although we never talk anything about our relationship. Fair enough if you think you can go on without her, if you can, then don't bother thinking about her or typing up in this particular topic and asking people what to do. Have you thought that she might be scared to tell you that she wants you back after what she has put you through. Just because they did something wrong doesn't mean you do the same, it just makes the whole thing worse. It's already bad enough, but you're making it worse. If you don't start something then no one will start. Everyone will just be expecting someone else to start. I call my ex like twice a week, I don't get hurt by what she says, whether she is talking about something I might not want to hear, but I listen. I enjoy her friendship before the relationship, and even if I can't be with her, I still would want that friendship. I certainly don't care about pride nor dignity, I think that is rubbish, if you loved someone so much, pride and dignity wouldn't mean anything. Im not thinking with my heart, Im thinking with both my heart and mind together.

I rather send a text than an e-card. For me it's just all too weird for me to send an e-card. When I was with her we'll never send each other emails, why email when you can phone up each other. So if you don't normally send an e-card then don't do it. It will make your ex start thinking about the possibilities. Where else if you've always been texting then if you do it, your ex won't find it special (where you took your time just to look for an e-card/or took the time to actually think about emailing an e-card). OCD how long have you done NC? FCTex, have you ever thought about forgive and forget? What if they broke up with you because it was their mistake and they know it was their mistake, not many people like to admit their own mistakes so that's probably why they won't tell you that it's their mistake. If you're feeling better when you talk to her, why not talk to her? What is so wrong about being friendly? The more the merrier. There's also a possibility that your ex is just waiting for you to make a move. Have you thought that maybe she was afraid of making a move because of what she did? She might feel guilty. It sounds like as if your ex can't be your friend? But why not? If you're feeling good about it then there's no reason not to contact your ex.

Well, I started calling her like once or twice a week after my 2 week NC. Nothing special, just a friendly chat about things. And currently, she texts me asking about things. And she talks to me like really friendly on the phone. She sounds quite happy to talk to me on the phone. I suppose you should just leave things, and talk normally, talk like how your real personality is like. Then your ex will realise something. My opinion

you are right. i suppose if she wanted to talk about it she will start off by talking about it. what if she never talks about it? so that would mean we'll never talk about it? the last 2 words you said "for now". are you trying to say that later i should talk about it?

I feel it's a good idea to talk about why both of us broke-up. She broke up with me and at that time she threw in alot of answers but some were lame and not true, and Im confused as to why she broke up with me and I don't know what's my mistake. I don't know what was my big mistake. I feel quite happy to talk to her on the phone, I might call her today. But we don't talk about our past. And I feel uncomfortable talking about our past because Im scared she might think Im trying to get back with her. I still love and care about her but I want to go about it the right way, I don't want to force things. I feel by talking to her about our break-up will ease things up and not make both of us nervous like as if nothing had happened. We talk quite happily and stuff, almost like before (cause now she has a bf). Im also scared that she might get into a bad mood if I bring up the subject and that we might get into arguments which I don't want to do. Do you think I should just not talk about it? Please help me out.

*update* something weird just happened last night. well i went out with 2 of my other friends to eat dinner at a restaurant near my ex's college (it's like right under her college so she always goes there). my ex wasnt in the restaurant, but then i kind of recognised her friend that i only met once when she introduced me a long time back but i wasnt sure if it was her. then like after a few minutes i get a text from my ex saying "where are you?". so it's like im pretty sure my ex still talks to friends about me. and why would she care about texting me asking where am i. so this just gives me that extra bit of hope, no doubt she has a bf. then like i sent her a text telling her im eating at that restaurant with my friends and i asked why. and she text me back saying "nothing my friend just saw you". the texts were brief, but i feel like the lines of communication are open. should i take advantage and just call her abit more? im scared she might be thinking the same as me. that she is worried to call me. that she has nothing to say. i don't think i should actually start talking about us to her, i still feel that it will push her away. i dont know when to get closer to her because im scared that if i get slightly closer she might feel awkward. ive learnt not to expect anything. i feel that it will hurt me if i dont get what i expect and on top of that it just makes you push more to get what you want. which is bad.

its not that i cant talk to girls. its just talking to my ex that makes it feel weird, if you have read my situation that we dont see each other enough to know what to say. but its like i used to know her before so i know her personality and its like theres not much to ask about her personality. thanks... i would love to hear from you guys... recently its going great. she text me out of the blue asking me where i was.