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Expression

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  1. Thanks all for the responses, appreciate it. Everyone has captured my thoughts in one form or another. I have run through the bold, immediate hit-up/coffee thing in my head but unless I was a head-turning male model or in a scripted movie with a happy ending, it just seems highly unlikely to succeed. And while my attraction is based on the buzz I get from seeing her, I agree with many that this would be a superficial angle to go on; shallow and overly forthcoming from her POV. Because I'd be expecting her to make the same judgement, but on the spot. I've complimented her on her looks in my head and it sounds corny even to me; something that works only under perfect circumstances or in a movie. Putting myself in her shoes, the interaction would come out-of-nowhere, and likely be no different to the last guy who tried it. I'd imagine it'd be awkward and fruitless, combined with everyone milling around. As noted by MirrorKnight, the environment being an active retail space is the challenge, as it is not conducive to create an extended, organic scenario as a complete stranger. I also don't presume to appear creepy by simply being a regular, browsing customer - the store is a major, busy one with lots of people, so I wouldn't necessarily stand out. But if an interaction didn't go positively from her POV - and I turned up again - that's when I feel the impression would turn. The only angle I can fathom is to create opportunities where I can have return interactions with her that are organic and not forced, in order to build a natural rapport where I can be a welcome familiar vs. a recurring creep. Something akin to smackie9's advice... TL;DR - I am wary of going from 0 to 100 in one interaction, so I feel I need to get there in increments...
  2. How can I get a conversation going with a retail worker in a store when I am just a random customer among many? There is a very beautiful retail assistant at a book store I frequent whom I'd like to get to know, but I am at a loss to how to do so in that environment. The store is a large one in a major city with a lot of people traffic - other customers and other assistants walking around constantly. Buying something and getting to her if she's at the cashier seems too small a window, given the immediate transaction that needs to happen and the inevitable queue behind me. I can only see approaching her when she's on the store floor, in the guise of asking for help finding a book (like any customer). But what could I say beyond that to get a rapport going? As a customer, she would presumably help me as efficiently as possible and that'd be the end of it. My aim is not to ask her for coffee or get her number immediately, as that seems too forthcoming and uncomfortable in her place of work among her colleagues. And since she is at her place of work, it is unlikely that she'd have an extended conversation with me when she could be helping another customer. So I have a very limited timeframe to create an interaction that's memorable, where I'd be more than just another customer she served that day. Accomplishing that, I would intend to return on another day and continue eroding the customer/worker barrier. But since I visit the store regularly (even before she started), I'm wary that there is a fine line between looking stalker-ish/creepy vs. a welcome face, depending on the interaction...
  3. I negotiated for a higher salary, and the company has fought to get it approved. They are extremely keen on me. But I am getting cold feet, queasy stomach, extreme nerves about the decision. What does this mean? Is my body telling me to stay rather than go? I am excited by the prospects of the new job, but as I await the formal letter from HR, I continue to fight second thoughts. I need to either decline the offer, or give my resignation notice ASAP. And the ticking clock is stressing me out...
  4. Thanks for the responses. They are indeed keen on me. The interview was a formality more than anything. The job is mine to lose. So my original post/dilemma still stands; the comfort, familiarity and established role is keeping me rooted, while the opportunity and growth is tugging at me... Everything sounds good for the most part; it is very much the fear/nerves of whether I should take the leap. Regarding compensation, they have given me an offer - how much more should I ask for? And should it based on what I currently earn or their just their offer?
  5. I have been with my company for over 7 years and have developed a healthy respect and rapport with my colleagues and internal partners, being a reliable expert in my area's responsibilities. I am not someone with massive ambitions to climb the career ladder, so I have not pursued other roles within the company, having stayed in my position and becoming a semi-senior (still reporting to the same manager, but being treated on a similar level). I have just received a call from an ex-colleague who has targeted me as a candidate for a new role in their company. He has described it attractively: falling within the same field as my current role, but with greater responsibilities, growth opportunities and business exposure. My skillset evidently came to mind and it certainly sounds like a more engaging role than what I am currently doing. But I am someone who values loyalty, stability and comfort in my employment. The connections I have cultivated with my current colleagues, the value they see in me, and the ease of my workload - these are the key reasons that have kept me at my current job. I feel I can coast easily for years to come. But the one aspect that make me consider the new role is that my immediate team do not energize me much anymore. So I am enticed by the new role in and of itself, but am still very much content with the wider comfort and familiarity of my current company. I worry about severing connections with colleagues if I go (I am not a huge social media person, so people I enjoy seeing at work would drift away), but also missing a potential career opportunity that I would not seek out myself. For staying: loyalty, respect, comfort, the wider colleagues Against staying: immediate team For going: career boost, exposure, opportunity Against going: change, FOMO with my current company I am in a bind. To leave or to stay... I am unable to make a decision. Can someone give me some advice? Are there other considerations I should weigh up to help me choose?
  6. I'm confused as to whether she is spending time with me because she willingly wants to, or whether she's just too afraid of upsetting me by turning me down. She has just begun her PhD year now and I haven't contacted her in any way since realising how she feels. I'd assume contact would decrease anyway, now that she is back to the intense research focus - but she is still keeping in touch with me by her own accord. This suggests to me that despite her confusion, I'm still very much a part of her life, because I still pop into her head at the end of the day. I am optimistically hoping she is just going through a phase in her life where she's unsure about a relationship and is fearful should it turn sour, she'll lose me completely (to my knowledge, she's never been with anyone before). Would getting her something for Valentine's warm her up? Or would it just scare her even more? I'd appreciate a girl's opinion on this too.
  7. Yeah, I know one shouldn't wait to long before trying to initiate a relationship, lest it falls into the friend zone. But I feel I've acted as fast as I could without it being direct. Our contact has increased exponentially only over the last few months. I didn't see her for 90% of last year, and we had met only a a few months earlier. She's not the outspoken type who'd easily bring up emotional issues, so I see the awkwardness for her because she hasn't turned me down from anything and is probably feeling guilty, because it'll mislead me. And it's probably also because I've been making more time for her and doing things I'd rarely do otherwise (which is true, but I couldn't be happier than to come out of my shell and try different things with anyone but her). So now that I know how she's feeling, I'm probably gonna reduce general contact ( She's been feeling uneasy from my spoiling her, so if I reduce this, hopefully she'll feel less guilty, but also detect my absense and come forward. This is gonna be damn hard because I like her just so much - and not just for obvious reasons. She's also filled a friend void I've had, due to most of my friends being too busy with their own things nowadays. I'm still gonna be there for her, but my enthusiasm and playfulness will probably drop now, knowing how she feels. I'm just too attracted to her as more than a friend. And we've already booked a non-refundable outdoor cinema session in a few weeks too. (Can it *get* more date-like, without it being one? Little chance of me trying to snuggle up to her now...
  8. In the last few months I have really stepped up on hanging out with this girl I really like. Prior to this, our schedules were just incompatible, but thanks to the holiday season, we've been hanging out fairly often, and as a result, have grown closer and more comfortable around each other. We have been hanging out exclusively though we haven't done anything like a couple (eg. holding hands). So it's been just a personal friendship basically. I have slowly increased my signals for liking her: gave her a gift last Christmas with a variety of things she liked, touch her shoulders casually, hit her head playfully, tickle her, etc. Most recently, I took her to the beach, which I had promised earlier, but had taken a raincheck. It was ambitious, because we went to a specific beach which she mentioned, and I drove a great distance to get there and back. When we ran out of ideas on the way home, I pulled over and we spent a good deal of time just talking and playing around (nothing suggestive though). I'm sure I've sent strong signals by now, because I'm always the one to get physically close or playful. I've been waiting for her to come the remaining distance. I'm pretty sure she realises I like her, and she once asked me directly during an extended online conversation. She said she likes me too, but wasn't sure whether it was the same way I felt about her. She also said she didn't want to lose me either. She has a blog, and our little trip prompted an entry in her own language - which she knows I can't really read. I had it translated (she doesn't know) and it's left me feeling awkward... ...She said she has definitely been happy because of me, and she knows that I treat her well. However, the more I treat her well, the more she fears of the mistakes that'll emerge. She feels different about me but she doesn't know how to respond, nor does she want to hurt me... She doesn't know I know this of course, so she's carrying on as her usual self, but I now know she is clearly anxious deep down about what may happen. It seems she feels guilty deep down for letting me spoil her so much, so much so that when I realise it, I'll be hurt. Well I know unbeknownst to her and it has indeed left me feeling down. I always suspected she was just timid and less obvious because of her character, but it seems that she hasn't gone that extra distance I've waited for, for a reason... I think I'm gonna reduce all the physical flirting and let her take any initiative from now. Maybe if I back away and be absent/lowkey for a while, she might come forward herself...? I don't wanna tell her I deciphered her blog entry because it will really make it awkward for the her. It really sucks, because I've never felt so strongly about anyone ever. I really think I'm falling for her. She was on my mind for like a whole year, despite us only meeting up frequently towards the end. I really want to give her something for Valentine's Day, but after this, I don't know anymore. It seems empty to me now and she'll just get more anxious for the future... :sad:
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