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Expression

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  1. Thanks all for the responses, appreciate it. Everyone has captured my thoughts in one form or another. I have run through the bold, immediate hit-up/coffee thing in my head but unless I was a head-turning male model or in a scripted movie with a happy ending, it just seems highly unlikely to succeed. And while my attraction is based on the buzz I get from seeing her, I agree with many that this would be a superficial angle to go on; shallow and overly forthcoming from her POV. Because I'd be expecting her to make the same judgement, but on the spot. I've complimented her on her looks in my head and it sounds corny even to me; something that works only under perfect circumstances or in a movie. Putting myself in her shoes, the interaction would come out-of-nowhere, and likely be no different to the last guy who tried it. I'd imagine it'd be awkward and fruitless, combined with everyone milling around. As noted by MirrorKnight, the environment being an active retail space is the challenge, as it is not conducive to create an extended, organic scenario as a complete stranger. I also don't presume to appear creepy by simply being a regular, browsing customer - the store is a major, busy one with lots of people, so I wouldn't necessarily stand out. But if an interaction didn't go positively from her POV - and I turned up again - that's when I feel the impression would turn. The only angle I can fathom is to create opportunities where I can have return interactions with her that are organic and not forced, in order to build a natural rapport where I can be a welcome familiar vs. a recurring creep. Something akin to smackie9's advice... TL;DR - I am wary of going from 0 to 100 in one interaction, so I feel I need to get there in increments...
  2. How can I get a conversation going with a retail worker in a store when I am just a random customer among many? There is a very beautiful retail assistant at a book store I frequent whom I'd like to get to know, but I am at a loss to how to do so in that environment. The store is a large one in a major city with a lot of people traffic - other customers and other assistants walking around constantly. Buying something and getting to her if she's at the cashier seems too small a window, given the immediate transaction that needs to happen and the inevitable queue behind me. I can only see approaching her when she's on the store floor, in the guise of asking for help finding a book (like any customer). But what could I say beyond that to get a rapport going? As a customer, she would presumably help me as efficiently as possible and that'd be the end of it. My aim is not to ask her for coffee or get her number immediately, as that seems too forthcoming and uncomfortable in her place of work among her colleagues. And since she is at her place of work, it is unlikely that she'd have an extended conversation with me when she could be helping another customer. So I have a very limited timeframe to create an interaction that's memorable, where I'd be more than just another customer she served that day. Accomplishing that, I would intend to return on another day and continue eroding the customer/worker barrier. But since I visit the store regularly (even before she started), I'm wary that there is a fine line between looking stalker-ish/creepy vs. a welcome face, depending on the interaction...
  3. I negotiated for a higher salary, and the company has fought to get it approved. They are extremely keen on me. But I am getting cold feet, queasy stomach, extreme nerves about the decision. What does this mean? Is my body telling me to stay rather than go? I am excited by the prospects of the new job, but as I await the formal letter from HR, I continue to fight second thoughts. I need to either decline the offer, or give my resignation notice ASAP. And the ticking clock is stressing me out...
  4. Thanks for the responses. They are indeed keen on me. The interview was a formality more than anything. The job is mine to lose. So my original post/dilemma still stands; the comfort, familiarity and established role is keeping me rooted, while the opportunity and growth is tugging at me... Everything sounds good for the most part; it is very much the fear/nerves of whether I should take the leap. Regarding compensation, they have given me an offer - how much more should I ask for? And should it based on what I currently earn or their just their offer?
  5. I have been with my company for over 7 years and have developed a healthy respect and rapport with my colleagues and internal partners, being a reliable expert in my area's responsibilities. I am not someone with massive ambitions to climb the career ladder, so I have not pursued other roles within the company, having stayed in my position and becoming a semi-senior (still reporting to the same manager, but being treated on a similar level). I have just received a call from an ex-colleague who has targeted me as a candidate for a new role in their company. He has described it attractively: falling within the same field as my current role, but with greater responsibilities, growth opportunities and business exposure. My skillset evidently came to mind and it certainly sounds like a more engaging role than what I am currently doing. But I am someone who values loyalty, stability and comfort in my employment. The connections I have cultivated with my current colleagues, the value they see in me, and the ease of my workload - these are the key reasons that have kept me at my current job. I feel I can coast easily for years to come. But the one aspect that make me consider the new role is that my immediate team do not energize me much anymore. So I am enticed by the new role in and of itself, but am still very much content with the wider comfort and familiarity of my current company. I worry about severing connections with colleagues if I go (I am not a huge social media person, so people I enjoy seeing at work would drift away), but also missing a potential career opportunity that I would not seek out myself. For staying: loyalty, respect, comfort, the wider colleagues Against staying: immediate team For going: career boost, exposure, opportunity Against going: change, FOMO with my current company I am in a bind. To leave or to stay... I am unable to make a decision. Can someone give me some advice? Are there other considerations I should weigh up to help me choose?
  6. I am having trouble with holding my solitary interests so devoutly. I believe that being an only child and living a sheltered life for much of formative years has caused me to entertain and occupy myself with a lot of hobbies and media on my own. I do not regret this, because they are fun, enriching and dear to me. But now I find it hard connecting with people because my personal interests have been rooted so strongly in me. And I feel like all that time, everyone else was socializing much more, thereby striking a balance between personal and group engagements. It's caused me to always feel at least somewhat annoyed/disgruntled/dissatisfied with people when they are turned off by my interests and suggestions. This just reinforces a wall between us and making me feel distant from people who I might genuinely wanna get closer to. ](*,) I wish I could be careless and nonchalant about it (like everyone else is), but I just can't, no matter how hard I try. It feels like my personal interests are much more tightly bound and prominent in me than others' interests. Because they've been such a part of me for much of life thus far, I feel very defensive and overprotective about them. It's a persistent obstacle when I'm trying to form a closer friendship with people. There is no way that I can abandon the things I love, but how can I get my mind free of my own world when I want to? And be able to suppress that frustrating depression I feel inside whenever I realise, yet another person just simply has no interest in something I really like or enjoy?
  7. I'm confused as to whether she is spending time with me because she willingly wants to, or whether she's just too afraid of upsetting me by turning me down. She has just begun her PhD year now and I haven't contacted her in any way since realising how she feels. I'd assume contact would decrease anyway, now that she is back to the intense research focus - but she is still keeping in touch with me by her own accord. This suggests to me that despite her confusion, I'm still very much a part of her life, because I still pop into her head at the end of the day. I am optimistically hoping she is just going through a phase in her life where she's unsure about a relationship and is fearful should it turn sour, she'll lose me completely (to my knowledge, she's never been with anyone before). Would getting her something for Valentine's warm her up? Or would it just scare her even more? I'd appreciate a girl's opinion on this too.
  8. Yeah, I know one shouldn't wait to long before trying to initiate a relationship, lest it falls into the friend zone. But I feel I've acted as fast as I could without it being direct. Our contact has increased exponentially only over the last few months. I didn't see her for 90% of last year, and we had met only a a few months earlier. She's not the outspoken type who'd easily bring up emotional issues, so I see the awkwardness for her because she hasn't turned me down from anything and is probably feeling guilty, because it'll mislead me. And it's probably also because I've been making more time for her and doing things I'd rarely do otherwise (which is true, but I couldn't be happier than to come out of my shell and try different things with anyone but her). So now that I know how she's feeling, I'm probably gonna reduce general contact ( She's been feeling uneasy from my spoiling her, so if I reduce this, hopefully she'll feel less guilty, but also detect my absense and come forward. This is gonna be damn hard because I like her just so much - and not just for obvious reasons. She's also filled a friend void I've had, due to most of my friends being too busy with their own things nowadays. I'm still gonna be there for her, but my enthusiasm and playfulness will probably drop now, knowing how she feels. I'm just too attracted to her as more than a friend. And we've already booked a non-refundable outdoor cinema session in a few weeks too. (Can it *get* more date-like, without it being one? Little chance of me trying to snuggle up to her now...
  9. In the last few months I have really stepped up on hanging out with this girl I really like. Prior to this, our schedules were just incompatible, but thanks to the holiday season, we've been hanging out fairly often, and as a result, have grown closer and more comfortable around each other. We have been hanging out exclusively though we haven't done anything like a couple (eg. holding hands). So it's been just a personal friendship basically. I have slowly increased my signals for liking her: gave her a gift last Christmas with a variety of things she liked, touch her shoulders casually, hit her head playfully, tickle her, etc. Most recently, I took her to the beach, which I had promised earlier, but had taken a raincheck. It was ambitious, because we went to a specific beach which she mentioned, and I drove a great distance to get there and back. When we ran out of ideas on the way home, I pulled over and we spent a good deal of time just talking and playing around (nothing suggestive though). I'm sure I've sent strong signals by now, because I'm always the one to get physically close or playful. I've been waiting for her to come the remaining distance. I'm pretty sure she realises I like her, and she once asked me directly during an extended online conversation. She said she likes me too, but wasn't sure whether it was the same way I felt about her. She also said she didn't want to lose me either. She has a blog, and our little trip prompted an entry in her own language - which she knows I can't really read. I had it translated (she doesn't know) and it's left me feeling awkward... ...She said she has definitely been happy because of me, and she knows that I treat her well. However, the more I treat her well, the more she fears of the mistakes that'll emerge. She feels different about me but she doesn't know how to respond, nor does she want to hurt me... She doesn't know I know this of course, so she's carrying on as her usual self, but I now know she is clearly anxious deep down about what may happen. It seems she feels guilty deep down for letting me spoil her so much, so much so that when I realise it, I'll be hurt. Well I know unbeknownst to her and it has indeed left me feeling down. I always suspected she was just timid and less obvious because of her character, but it seems that she hasn't gone that extra distance I've waited for, for a reason... I think I'm gonna reduce all the physical flirting and let her take any initiative from now. Maybe if I back away and be absent/lowkey for a while, she might come forward herself...? I don't wanna tell her I deciphered her blog entry because it will really make it awkward for the her. It really sucks, because I've never felt so strongly about anyone ever. I really think I'm falling for her. She was on my mind for like a whole year, despite us only meeting up frequently towards the end. I really want to give her something for Valentine's Day, but after this, I don't know anymore. It seems empty to me now and she'll just get more anxious for the future... :sad:
  10. I've liked this girl for quite some time, and thanks to the summer break, we've recently been hanging out pretty frequently, just the two of us (compared to last year, when we were both busy and rarely caught up over the entire year). There's been more messaging and SMS'ing than ever before so I feel like I've definitely got a foot in her life now as opposed to before, when I still felt like an acquaintance. Our get-togethers are still much like friends though - no holding hands, hugging, etc. to speak of. But they're sooo close to being dates: dinners and movies, shopping, beach at sunset - all just the two of us. I think she knows I like her, and she's told me she likes me too during an IM conversation, but is still too fainthearted and insecure to be sure about it being the same kind of like I have for her. I'd gotten her a pretty good gift for Xmas last year, so now I wanna follow it up and get her something for Valentine's Day, but I'm not sure what. It can't be too dramatic, just something simple which will let her know for certain how I feel for her, without it being pushy or confronting. She's the type who loves things cute and quaint, by the way. Any suggestions?
  11. I'm pretty sure she's single, so I don't feel out of league. But she tends to be busy quite a lot and seems to see her work and study peers much more often, due to proximity and a longer history. In fact, me being a part of her life at all has been a driven initiative which would've never happened had I never obtained her email. She's blogged once where she considers friends being more important than lovers due to the extreme effects she's seen it do to people Stuff like this makes me wonder whether she's willing to get together if it came up, because if not, then the friendship would be awkward thereafter. She's either not interested or just shy and submissive because she's not showing any clear signs - it's very ambiguous. At the moment it just feels like friends who hang out exclusively. I've been gradually increasing my attraction/flirting signals; I've described her qualities as cute on 2 occasions (though not in person) and mentioned that I work hard so I can continue to pay for dinners. I've also floated the idea of an outdoor cinema outing which she has also mentioned interest in once, in passing. Don't know when our next meeting will be, since we're back to clashing schedules, though I suspect she has bought me a belated Christmas gift. Perhap I should wait for her to make a move and schedule the next meeting...?
  12. Been seeing this girl I've like for nearly 2 years, more frequently lately. But I'm finding it hard to develop things beyond friendly meetings. It used to be tricky to get together due to schedules, but because of the holiday season, it's been easier. We hang out exclusively, though we're not doing anything couple-like. We just had 2 meetings in a row and I couldn't be happier - except for the fact that I'm finding it hard to get closer to her. We spent pretty much the entire Christmas Day together, sharing both lunch and dinner with one another (casually of course, not formal affairs). I even got her a gift stocking, full of stuff I knew she'd like, based on observations I've picked up on in the past. Boxing Day was dinner and a movie, though she was fairly lethargic since she went on her first drinking binge at the behest of her work friends, after we had parted on Christmas. Being the gentleman, I drove her home afterwards of course. I've overcome any awkwardness in conversation I may have had in the past and can lightly poke fun at her lightly; which I did, ensuring I kept her amused despite her not feeling so good. I've been trying to move on her subtly through it all. I lean near her when we're sitting, I'll playfully hit her head sometimes, I'll pat/rub her shoulders casually, etc. She doesn't seem to be repulsed by any of this, though she's not showing any substantial "return signs" herself. (She *is* beginning to hit me playfully when I make silly remarks though). I've had my arm over her, kinda as a support/leading her as we walk, but I can't bring myself to truly put my arm around her yet (which I so wanted to, when I was casually rubbing her shoulder) because it feels like such a big move. The end of the day/night is always the most inept in fact, because there's rarely any physical goodbye (I've yet to even hug her, which I do with my female friends all the time). So it always ends kinda hollow. She clearly doesn't object to my company, since she's made some plans for us herself. But is she just interested in me as a friend...? Or could she possibly be waiting for me to make the first major move? Hoping for the latter, how would I know and how would I go about it?
  13. Just had a casual movie/dinner get-together and am feeling quite good. We haven't done anything couple-like, but we've spent time together pretty much exclusively, and I feel very I really wanna get her something for Xmas. Not something declaring my undying love or anything but something I know she'd like. I've got 2 ideas, but one is rather ambitious. So I'm wondering, would it be too drastic to get something pricey and is it better to go with something simple the first time?
  14. I hope she gets scared! 'Cause I'll think that's cute!
  15. "Hiatus = an interruption in the intensity or amount of something." Just referring to being apart physically for quite some time. Basically, we've both had very busy schedules and rarely get a chance to meet up due to the difference in time, place, etc. of our tasks (though I've made sure we didn't lose touch via email). So yeah, we're finally gonna get together again after a few months. She's told me she likes scary movies a while ago, though of course I don't know whether that means she's brave, or enjoys the thrills of being spooked I'm generally not too affrighted, but only when I'm watching amongst many people. Though I am known to jerk/jump when a shock moment is pulled off effectively
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