Pursuit Of Happiness

I've made my mind up: the day I found the truth "my closure", the night her and her friends dissed me and my friends at a bar (better then thou attitude) and how she abandoned me and our "son" Scruffy (my-dog lol).......I figure if she could happilly leave us and disappear then what would've happened if we actually got married and had an actual child...Our "Liam Patrick".....scaryyyyyyyyyyy She will never hear from me again unless of an emergency. I will never lead her on. I have morals and character. I deleted the e-mail after copying and pasting it here. She has forever foolishly lost my trust, respect and friendship. I gave her my life and she gave me lies, a cowardly phone breakup and false "Lets be friends" hopes....4 years of my life are gone and I want them back...I'm now 27-we "were" planning to get married and start our family within the next 1-2 years........Now I have to start over. Anyways. Enough about her, I hate talking bad about people...The Big Guy Upstairs will continue to show me the light and I will happilly (sp) follow......Whatever is best for me will happen. I now have my eyes set on a couple of honest, decent and attractive young women- who are not focused on my money. I just gotta build the kahoonas to ask them on dates rather then flirt .......My pick up skills are a bit rusty and I'm shy to boot lol.... DN- I wasn't aware that was an Incubus song....is it a newer one? If not, I'm surprised I didn't remember it.......

I posted a couple times and have been doing great at the no contact thing after my ex cheated on, lied to and left me for her "outta league friend" on October 31, 2004. After 4 years of dating- she dumped by phone and hide behind lies till Chrsitmas. She hurt me- so I have no want or desire to ever see or hear from her again. It has been a month since I've e-mailed her and finally found the truth....She still has a bunch of stuff of mine, but I couldn't care less about that anymore-not worth it...... So, I got online tonight and naturally my ex did so at the same time...I quickly put my away message on, she quickly did the same. Then she blocked her name from me and then sent this e-mail: "There's something about the look in your eyes...something I noticed when the light was just right...it reminded me twice that I was alive and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.... So what does that mean??? I hope she's finally realized her mistake and is trying to get me back......If so--I'd rather be single for the rest of my life before I ever want to talk to or touch her again.....I love hanging out and going to the bars with my friends she banned me from 4 years ago....

This has been an interesting week-end to say the least..... I recently posted my story in the "Ex Girlfriend/Boyfriend Forum". link removed "Ex cheated on and left me for out her league friend". I hope I acted in the right way. I went to meet my friends at the Pub/Nightclub on Friday night that we usually attend. Upon pulling in the parking lot, I noticed a Man and Woman about to cross in front of me so I waited to let them. Well they slowly did. Low and Behold it was my Ex and the guy she cheated on and left me for. They took about 15+ seconds to cross in front. While crossing she looked at me then looked at him and laughed. So I blew the horn...Pissed her off (figured I'd get my laugh). They left and so I went inside and met my friends. Well 20 minutes later, Her, her boyfriend and all their Friends from work walked in. They walked past my friends and I with their noses in the air and stood about 10 feet away and stared at me and were talking laughing. My Ex and her new man came and went 3 more times in 2 hours and every time, they pretty much brushed me when they walked by yet looked away, her not once saying "Hi". I was mad at first but decided I was there for a good time. The last time they left, I said to my friends while laughing "Thank You Lord". Her friends stayed and never got more then 10-15 feet from My friends and I. As the night went on, I started talking to a nice, pretty girl and was getting to know her. About 30 minutes in- my Ex's girlfriends started asking if I had a couple cigarettes and a lighter. Being nice I gave them and they walked away. About an hour into the conversation with my new prospective girl, one of my ex's friends approached me again, and started "interigating me". She asked if I knew who she was. I acted like I never saw her before. She told me who she was and asked how I was doing (Guess I was supposed to be depressed/mad-I dunno). I told her this is the best I've felt in 4 years. That there are a lot of nice girls out tonight. She went on talking about how my Ex never meant to hurt me and still thinks the world of me, yet she is extremely happy with her new man. I told her great, better him that has to deal with her then me. She asked a thousand questions from If and who I was dating, If I liked the girl, to how long I've been attending this bar to what I thought of my ex…I was determined to stay in a very good mood and basically told her that I tried to be my Ex's friend but my ex never did her part. I told her I was disappointed how the ex cheated on and left me and waited till X-MAS to tell the truth. I told her I heard my ex ran her mouth about me and that all I now want is my stuff back. I told her I was dating a nice girl off and on and that I love how my life is going. Told her I was going after my dreams. She kept repeating "your ex still thinks the world of you and never said a bad thing about you, she hasn't talked to you because she is trying to move on-she's extremely happy". I told her that was funny she only talks nice of me, because the last time I saw her family, they snubbed me like I was garbage. She didn't say much to that and went back to her group. I had a good time regrouping with my prospective girl and ignored them the rest of the night, yet I could feel their beady eyes burning a hole though my back. Nothing happened with the prospective girl, I simply enjoyed talking to her and I expressed how I hoped to see her next weekend. I left at closing time. So, I went to the same bar again (my hang out) last night and met my friend. We were there for about 20 minutes when my Ex's new B/F and about 6 of his friends walked in. It has been 3 months since I have seen my Ex and the 2nd time in my life to see him so that is either ironic or planned. They looked at me and sat about 15 feet away and kept looking my way. I decided to ignore them and continued talking and laughing to the cute little girl sitting next to me. The night went on and my friend eventually left. Showing I wasn't scared or bothered with them, I stayed about 30 minutes longer and walked out. When I got in my truck, they just "happened" to walk out of the bar and were parked 3 spaces from me. They were looking at me and laughing. Being the better person, I left and unintentionally spun snow their way. The thing is that my ex knows that I am strong and quick. She has witnessed me break many a bar fight up. She knows that I will not fight unless it is in defense of someone (woman mostly) needing help. Her new man is a feminine man to put it "nice". I think he knew I was going to be there and brought his back up and was going to try something last night. To be honest my Ex is not worth either my time or energy after dealing with 3 months of lies. I waited for her friendship and have moved on and now she all of a sudden pops back in. After seeing what she cheated on and left me for, I now laugh. Good Riddence. So what do you think of my Ex's friends questioning me and staring at me. What do you think about her new B/F showing up at the bar the next night? Did I tell her friend the right things?

Sorry to hear your breakup. I would recommend waiting for his response and take it from there. I wouldn't rush too quickly into being friends because it might push him away. Just remember friendship's are like dancing, "It takes two to tango". If he doesn't respond or if "you" are putting forth all the energy, then I say go with N/C....No matter what happens you always have friends and family to help during the difficult moments. I wish you strength and courage to see it though . Keep us posted.

It feels good to hear everyone's thoughts and advise about forgetting her and moving on. I thought about "us" this morning and realized something. I think the whole relationship was a lie on her part and that she did the nice things to throw me off about her running around. I Love who I am both mentally and Physically. I choose to do everything with my own two hands (when possible). I do not need money or materialistic things to be happy in life. I choose my friends by thier character and morals rather then by thier bank account. I am strong both mentally and physically and I believe that is from co-owning and operating my construction company with my father. My "EX" has been spoiled since the day she was born. She is the type that always gets what she wants. She depends on people. She cannot and or will not do anything on her own (Everything is in dads name even her new 05' SUV-she is 27). She BLAMES me for her not finishing college, when all I did was encourage her. I think in September when her parents new house was built up here for retirement in 5 years(they live in Florida) things changed. She moved out of her apartment and moved into the new house by herself (her words "rent free house" for 5 years). She gave me her couch, bed and some decorations. I think she cleansed herself of everything that involved me even her old car. She never wanted me to come visit at her house, rather her visit me. I was inside her house 3 times. 2 years ago, I started buiding a house (small- 1000 sq.ft) on my 5 acre lot. I built it myself for "US" with the funds coming from paycheck to paycheck. It was to be "OUR" house. I finished it the same time as her parents finished thier new house. She chose her parents house to live at. Everything I did to my house from ground up-I got her opinion and thoughts on. So here I am with a house that reminds me of her from the siding, paint, carpet, deck etc. I think its time to repaint and either get rid of or give back the couch etc, becuase they are constant reminders and memories. It is time to live again. Sorry if I blab, I keep remembering things............Thanks for all your continueing input 8) .... Much appreciated.

Thanks everyone for the support. You have no idea how good it feels to wake up and "feel" support. It sucks becuase I constantly think of how she ended it so quickly and easily. I think she cheated and feels guilty and never wanted to face me, so she hid. She ditched me 3 months after I spent $10 grand on our last trip and says "You should've given me the ring". Also, I forgot to mention, I know she is now talking trash me because I saw her parents at Target on January 2, 2005. They all looked at me like I was garbage-like I did something. I approached her daid and said "hey how are you?" and went to shake his hand but he gave me nasty look and walked away...that hurt. At least my family will never ignore or snub her if they run into her-and I don't expect them to. My mom even sent her a card for her B-DAY and Christmas. On the last e-mail she sent, she asked me if "I have been sitting in the parking lot at work at 9:00 because a coworker said they see me and my truck" (Indicating I'm stalking I guess). I told her to "get over herself, to not even go there, that somepeople have real jobs and start at 5:30 a.m." I then told her "I had no want or desire to associate with someone who cheats on and hurts me". That comment ticked her off and we havent talked since (December 20th). There is a new girl at a store that I am NOW interested in. She is very nice and I think she flirts with me (hard for me to tell). She looks to be around 20 years old. But, after 4 years my pick up skills are a bit rusty and I don't know if she has a b.f. I am shy at first so it'll take me a while to get back in the swing of things. Oh' well good ridden of the "EX" I guess. Its just hard to get her out of my head, knowing we went from Lovers to Foes so quickly. I am the sadest in the a.m. and before I go to bed.

Hello, This is my First Post...How do I begin... You better grab a snack and something to drink … I have been reading the Posts on this site since November 8, 2004. I never Posted because I thought I was strong and could "Move On" easily…..Who am I kidding. I still want to know why my Ex "happily dumped" me by phone on that fateful Halloween Night. I can't help but wonder if she ever "Loved" me or if it was all just a lie or cover up. Here is My Scoop: November 4, 2000 - October 31, 2004 4 days shy of "our" 4th Anniversary was how long our relationship lasted. My Ex Fiancé will be called "X-F" (read on). My relationship with my "EX" had its ups and downs as any relationship does. My "EX" was Kind and Loving at times. She was also extremely Jealous of my "X-F". My "EX" is a "Busy Body" and talks about everyone. On the Loving side, my "EX" always bought me gifts, rubbed my feet, wrote me love notes and always professed her "undying" love for me. Swore I woke her up from a "bad dream" and I was the one she wanted to have Children and grow old with. She always Said, "I can't wait for you to propose and marry me, you wait long enough- I might get down and propose to you". There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for me. She was obsessed with making love at any time or place. On the Jealous/Insecure Side, My "EX": would obsessively check my e-mail, cell phone and search my truck for numbers. She would call me 10 times a day to "check up". She always told me "You'd better not ever stop calling or seeing me, and if you ever go back to your "X-F"-that would literally kill me". She basically accused me of cheating (I have Never and will Never cheat on anyone). I think she did so because in the beginning of our relationship, I was still close to my "X-F" (as friends). After about 2 months, I was forbidden to associate with my "X-F" anymore. My "EX" suddenly started talking trash about my "X-F" to people and made me back her up-if not there was heck to pay (I now regret obliging). My "EX" constantly told me "I've heard there is not a guy in a 50 mile radius who your "X-F" has not slept with since you two split". That always hurt that she had no respect to not say such things. I'm sorry, but I will love my "X-F" till the day I die. My love must be EARNED and will never be forced or bought. Once I love someone-it is for Life. My "X-F" EARNED my Love along time ago. When we split we swore to never lose contact and to always "be there" when needed. I think the fact I still care for my "X-F" repulsed my "EX". I not once talked bad about or kept my "EX" from her past boyfriends. From the Second year on, my "EX" started acussing me of not loving her because "I never" proposed to her yet. She brought up that "Well, you proposed to your "X-F" after 2 years" why won't you propose to me?" I told her that I was burned once and would propose when I was ready-that she shouldn't force it. I treated my "EX" GOOD. I always took her to dinner, movies, mall wherever her heart desired. Whatever she desired, I did the best to give it to her. I drove us Cross-Country (Maryland to CO, MT etc) 2 times and not once did I ask her to drive or pay for anything. I busted my butt for the money on those trips (each was 1/4th of my Yearly Income). I took her to my favorite spots- "Pikes Peak" and "Ouray" Colorado on July 4, 2004 and all she did was pout about not getting a ring and that I didn't love her. I told her I would propose when we were home at "our" spot. I did buy a ring and was going to propose on our 4 year Anniversary. In Late September/ Early October she suddenly "had" to work double shift on the weekends (regular hours during the week). Friday was now her only night free (Our dinner movie and cuddle night). Then she asked if she could join her married female "coworker friends" at a local restraunt/dance club for dinner on Friday nights. Being reluctant, I said she could go, BUT told her I was hurt she didn't want me to join her and her "friends" I never met. Her reply was "don't worry its just us girls going, you'd be bored". Early in October she sent flowers to me for no reason with a note saying "Just something different to let you know how much I love the man you are-I thank God every day he has brought you into my Life". During the last 2 weeks of October, I tried to do things with her but she was "busy". We planned on going out for Halloween (bar hoping) and so I bought my costume. On October 28th she came over, I noticed her going to my truck and then came in the house. She acted fine and said "I need to get my black "sexy" dress"…The dress I bought her. She said "a single "coworker" friend had a "Hot Date" and wanted something sexy". I told her it was weird and she got defensive. I asked why her friend didn't wear her own dress and she said "girls borrow dresses all the time for dates". She left without kissing me. Well that was the last time I saw her. Halloween weekend came and I called her I know 30 times. She called at 6:05 p.m. Halloween Night and happily dumped me…She said "I don't think we should date anymore-I don't want us to hate each other". She said, " This has nothing to do with you, its me." Clueless and hurt, I asked her what she meant and she said "You are a wonderful and great man but, I am going my way in life and you are going yours". She said "Whatever happens, lets promise to go to each others wedding". I asked why she didn't break up in person and she said "I can't bare to face you or the dog" (we picked him together he was "our Son"). I asked her what she did over the weekend and in a worried voice she said "I went to the mall with friends". I could tell by her voice she wasn't being honest. So, I asked her if the dress was really for "her" date during the weekend and she flipped out telling me not to go there. She got quiet and The last things she said was "Promise me you will not go back to your "X-F" because that will destroy me , I only want the best for you, lets promise to be friends". I screwed up and spent One week writing an E-mail to her that professed my love and about how great she was. I sent it and then called to tell her to check her mail. She read it and said "It was nice, but we are not "meant to be". I asked her "If another man had anything to do with the breakup". She got defensive and said " No, There is no other man, I need to find myself, you need to "Move On" with your life, you mean to tell me there are no cute girls you've been dying to ask out?" Hurt by her comment I told her that "She is the only girl that was worthy of me asking out". She then said she had to go…. .I contact her once a week on Sundays by e-mail until December 15 and she always denied "that there was another man". She not once called or e-mailed me. I haven't seen her since Halloween because she says "I don't want to set myself back. I will meet you one day-when the pain and hurt are gone". Well on December 18th, I was depressed…I called her at work to see what was going on and that if we are not getting back together then I'd appreciate my $1,000 Camera and Cell Phone back along with a check for $150 to cover the 2,200 minutes she used on the phone AFTER the breakup. She said she would call my cell phone later that day to talk. Never did. She sent an e-mail a couple days later and said "I didn't know I had a cell phone bill to pay with you". "I am extremely happy". "I started dating my new man 1 week after we split" (yea right-I think before). "He is 30 years old and lives in a big house in "the" (Uppity) town". "I have known him for 6 months (before our trip to Colorado). I never had interest in or pursued him because I assumed "he was out of my league". "We would always talk about stuff…Its hard for me to believe him when he says he wants me and that I'm great". "He took me to the city for the weekend on my Birthday (12/7/2004) and it was a wonderful time". Then she said "I didn't tell you about my "friend" while we were dating because I didn't want you to get mad. I didn't tell you after we broke up because I thought you'd take your life-so I lied". Then she said "For the past 4 years you have treated me horrible, and I refuse to feel guilty for finally looking after myself". I wrote back telling her "Nothing in this world is will ever make me commit such a sin as killing myself". "I then asked her to please get my stuff to me by New Years Eve. She swore she would send the stuff . I still have not received my belongings. Right Now, I don't care because it has been One month of N/C with her what so ever. I have heard through the grapevine the guy she is dating is an Eye Doctor- her boss at work. Explains her Friday night dinner with "Co-Workers". I had a gut feeling she was dating someone from work-just not the boss though…lol What's funny is that My "X-F" has contacted me since Christmas. She wished me a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday (Jan 2nd). We have caught up on the last 4 years. I apologized for letting my "EX" make me toss her out of my life. She has helped me a lot since Christmas...I now feel guilty because I think I pushed the wrong person out of my life 4 years ago (actually 3 years 11 months and 27 days). Funny how my "EX" waited all that time to tell me the truth about the "breakup" when she could have been honest on Halloween night better yet, before I SPENT all that money on the trip out west. Funny how she always accused me of cheating and she's the one who cheated (hypocrite). Just wish I wasn't so blind during the relationship. I am sad/depressed at times, angry at times and happy at times. I will always resent her for ending things the way she did. Should I worry about getting my stuff back? Do you think all she cared about was getting married? I don't know if she loved me or the thought of getting married……..I think she knew I was ready to propose and she realized "she" wasn't ready…….. Sorry this was so long. If any of it doesn't make sense I can explain. Any and all info appreciated………..