Its good...very good. You have obviously have quite an extensive vocabulary, which you could put to good use. Write some more.
Even though im only 13, I've wrote a few myself (some because of depression, some for a girl, lol). Herez one of mine:
I see da beauty in your eyez,
I c your mind with some surprise,
It seems as life is a test,
What will I do to get the best?
How are you won over by,
Or is friendship our only tie,
You might not luv me, but I love you,
And I always thought we could be two,
But I see you are not in my reach,
For thedesire that I preach,
So now I should stop and b so smart,
For I canonly get a broken heart.