everclear_andrew

Yep, I am the guy that wanted the sex. She was my first, I am hers. When we lost our virginities to each other it was awesome. We are high school sweethearts and have made much mistakes. I think it all started because of sex. I think I became addicted to it. We were really enjoying it and it was erotic and amazing and I started to need it, i think. She began to feel that-that is all I wanted her for. This started a lot of fights. When she didn't want to, I began to get upset because I wanted to express myself in that way too. She felt that was all I wanted her for. I think things between us would be so great if we went to couples counseling and took care of this problem at the start but we didn't. I never had sex w/ anyone while we were together, but I kissed someone. I felt too guilty to want to have sex, but that is cheating anyways. She never found out until recently (it happened a year ago) because I finally told her. I feel like I am a little addicted to sex and that it ruined my life. I love her very much but I wish that we did something about it sooner. I'm sorry if this doesn't help, but I think you guys should get help if you both are still willing because I really wish we did.

Well, I am speaking from the other 'cheater's' point of view. A couple of days ago, after a fight and questions, I finally told my girlfriend that I kissed a girl at the school I'm going to(this happened a year ago). Not only that at the time, I bragged about it to my friends because the next day (after I kissed her), she wanted to have sex with me. I declined because, believe it or not, I couldn't do that to her. I felt I don't want her doing the same to me. But I bragged about it. I came out clean because on Valentine's she proposed to me. It was amazing and so cute. Since then, I feel ashamed of it and heartbroken because I feel she didn't deserve this. She is incredibly beautiful and I'm lucky to have a girl like that. I felt that if I didn't tell her and just don't do it again, I would justify myself. I can like 'make it go away'. And it kinda worked. I eventually forgot about it. When she proposed to me, however, I really wanted to be a good man and wanted to make sure that nothing will get in the way of our future so I told her. I felt too guilty to marry her and keep this from her. Because of this, she is heartbroken, hates me, and definetly does not want to marry me. She doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore, either. Sometimes, I feel like I made a mistake in telling her. The bad thing is, she is the kind of person that will call her or tell my friends off or something. I can feel the anger and if we talk about the school or kissing or anything like that, she makes a crack about it and tells me what a pile of crap I am. I feel horrible for what I've done and can't see myself doing this again and feel that I made a stupid mistake. I know this sounds selfish and stupid but I felt that I did a noble thing by telling her. I felt that I wanted to give her a good man to marry by telling her. I really want to make her happy and fully regret what I've done. But she's like you, she wants to know all the details and interrogates me about it. She says, "if you want to be a good, honest man, you would tell me everything". I guess I deserve it for doing it, but I feel like it was a year ago and I know I've changed. I know I love her. Here's a little twist to my story. We have been together for five and 1/2 years since Valentine's. Last year in the fall (I kissed the girl in the spring), my girlfriend and I were having problems. She separated from me because I was being an asshole and controlling. I thought otherwise and felt she was judging me wrong. She began talking to some guy 6 years older than her (she's 20 by the way and I'm 22) while I took a very heavy load in school so I couldn't spend much time with her. She told me he was gay so I wanted her to believe I wasn't controlling so I made it out like I didn't have a problem with it. She eventually developed feelings for him and I realized he wasn't gay. I desperately tried anything to change her mind, I went to counseling, gave her flowers, envited her to go out. I finally convinced her to do couples counseling. Unfortunately, I was too little, too late. At the second session, she made it clear it was over and the next night, she admitted to having sex with him. This tore me up because I was her first and she was mine and it was really special to me. I felt like he just came and stole her away from me. Like they say, you don't know what you got until you lose it. She then pretty much stopped talking to me and I became very depressed and stopped eating and going to school. When we did talk, she would kind of flaunt that she was having fun and stuff like that. She went on a skiing trip with him and some friends. On the trip she got in an accident and tore her ACL which my friends laughed and said she deserved it. I wanted to but didn't. I began trying to move on and at work met a girl who seemed like she liked me. I didn't want to do anything, but I was feeling really depressed and pathetic, I began to talk to her. I took her out to get some drinks and we kissed. My ex, by the way, learned about it, and quickly got a hold of me. She told me how much she loved me and that we need to talk. She ended telling me that she felt bad the whole time for having sex w/ someone else that she had to give me time to hate her. Bull. But depressed and still feelings of desperation, I got back with her. Sorry to make this long, but this is how my story goes. We started to really make some progress and we even talked about marriage. We eventually forgave each other, however we can't go near the places I told her me and that girl that I met went or I'll hear it or she'll start crying. I understood, but I told her that what is important is that were are both together NOW. I told her that I am sorry for anything I've ever done in the past and I forgive you for anything you've ever done that I don't know about. Know I feel really stupid because I told her when I probably didn't need to(about kissing that girl). I know I want to marry her and that I will stick to my commitment. I wanted her to know that I don't want to keep any secrets from her when we get married. She thinks of me as a liar and a whore. She thinks that I feel that if she takes me back, I'll feel like I can keep doing things behind her back. I can understand why she feels that way but I don't feel that way. I feel that I know what it is like to have your heart broken and I know how bad it hurts. I just want to settle and enjoy my life, guilt-free. I want to be able to enjoy her company without the fear that she will throw something in my face-like she has. I deserve everything I'm getting because of what I've done and keeping it from her for a year, but I felt that she knows that I forgive her for what she did and that we can start over and really make this happen. I feel the only thing keeping us happy is dwelling on the past. I know I'm speaking too soon, but I'm tired of it and I want to move on with my life. I take responsibility for my actions and I am truly sorry for what i've done. I don't know what to do. I feel like I did the wrong thing by telling her now. I love her with all my heart, but I don't want to go through hell in life. I don't know how much good this is for you but this is just how I feel. I understand what you are feeling but you have to make a choice, believe him and try your hardest to forget about it, or leave him because you can't. Otherwise, I feel life will be miserable. I personally want to do couples counselling because I want to build our trust back and get that spark back, but I feel I can't get out of this hole. Maybe this is how he feels. Good luck

Dude she has a boyfriend. What are you complaining about? Why don't you find a single girl? I've got a beautiful girlfriend who gets hit on alot and it sucks. Last semester we were having problems and some guy started talking to her even though he knew she had a boyfriend. She and I had been together for 5 years and we were each other's firsts. He somehow managed to change her feelings about us and left me and ended up having sex with him. She felt she made a huge mistake that she couldn't take back and now we are back together trying to have a relationship with this. This is the most stressing and depressing thing I've ever had to go through. You can't imagine what it is like. It's incredibly heartbreaking for me and her. Try to put yourself in my shoes. Don't be one of those scum bags.

I know exactly the feelings you are going through. Just recently I was going through the same sort of thing. I was a hardcore student who took my work very serious. My girlfriend of 5 1/2 years (high school too)separated with me because she wasn't happy with me. I didn't really take it too serious and started my fall semester. I learned that she became friends with some dude at work and began spending time with him. It didn't bother me because she convinced me he was gay. Clearly he wasn't. After a big fight I learned that she started to have feelings for him. I lost it and begged and begged to her that I would change and that she was making a mistake but she told me something along the lines of 'to little to late'. She didn't break it up with me but she wasn't sure what she wanted. I finally convinced her to go to couples counseling with me but in the second session, she made it painfully clear that it was over. I didn't want to believe it and agreed to spend one week apart without communicating thinking it would make things better. Come to find out a couple days later she had sex with him-on holloween. This day is important because this is the same day I lost my virginity to her. Ouch!!! We'll a week later I painfully found out and she pretty much broke off communication with me. I tried to call her and if she did pick up the phone, she would make fun of me and hurt me. She would say things like "I don't need you" and "I'm having a good time now". After a while I stopped calling with the help of my friends and I began to try to move on. Every day I was in pain. Every second of the day. I couldn't concentrate in classes. I even stopped going for a while, which for me was insane. My friends started getting upset because I was letting her get to me but I couldn't help it. It was so painfull because she didn't give me much closure. I felt helpless, worthless, pathetic, and I felt that there is not a single girl that would ever love me again. I know exactly what you are going through. I know how much it hurts. I wish that when it wasn't really bothering me that I kept my mind off of it and did more things with my friends which I didn't because I felt that somehow she wouldn't approve of it-how insane is that! I know that it feels a little better to talk to someone else and I went to counseling and it helped alot. Find a couple of people that will always be there to listen to you and give you good advice. Hang in there, what else are you going to do? Are you going to let this person ruin your life? No, you are going to kick *ss because she left something damn good. -andrew