elysium_dreams_

When you first meet someone there is the chemistry that forms as your personalities connect. all before that first date there is the gut crushing and stomach knot-tieing that goes on from being so nervous. I took a girl out for a coffee date. conversations flourished as we became mentally tied and realized that we were an intelligent "two". We had many common interests and conversations never seemed to beshort. but what happens after? once you have that first kiss and you're totally lusting for them and you picture them in your mind. something happens. help me explain it. the conversations still exist but they become "lubby-dubby" and giggliing and "awwww, you're so cute" are more common place. After 2 weeks there is no conversation about such topics as Art or The Music Industry, just mush. but they are still enravelled on your words and can't wait to see you. Everything with the personalities are still connecting from what happened before. But what happens next? i've never been in a relationship long enough to know. naturally this is just a phase that a relationship will go through at the beginning. But How do i keep that same chemistry and connection of our minds before we got mushy. HOW DOES THE RELATIONSHIP KEEP GOING Is it just romance? The candlelit dinners? or the conversations? there is only so much to talk about. and even a talk can get boring... is it just finding something new to do that we both enjoy. or is something i do when i spend time with her. It starts as being a relationship that was fueled and ignited by our minds and personalities connecting but after a short time we never do that once. all the feeling is there but all we do is experience each other physically. i know it's a phase, but how do i make sure everything is still ther and it doesn't crumble please help. this would make a good article topic. or where else should i look!?

i don't want the relationship to get overrun with it and then lose all that we had before that was ever a part of us. before we even were physically connected in any way we were tied to each other. and i don't wanna lose that. that's what made us like each other. i don't want her to get tired of me because we lost touch with that. and i really don't wanna just have sex. it has to be love - but that's not happening in a few months so you pace yourself right.

I wish to accomplish two things with this thread. Let's see if I can get it all out understandably. First, all of you will know the imortance in a relationship to take it slow. What thoughts do you have on that. Two weeks ago I started to date this girl and everything has been going amazing. In our minds we have both got this incredible urge to just throw ourselves forward and into things that are waayyy too sooon in a two-week relationship. We're talkin full-bore sexual stuff. She seems to be more so than me, but it's gritting out teeth because we really want to take this slow. We wanna take it slow because we really really don't want to screw this up and we're both saying we've found such great people and want us only to grow better and better. Here's the first interesting thing. I barely even know how it happened, but we ended up talking on the phone last night...and by about 6am it was phone sex. So I wake up goin....what the heck am i going to make of that. I know that it's made it far far more likely that we're going to go farther if we are alone together. In fact, this Sunday we've got the house to ourselves. Though we've already roped off sex, she's declared that andthing with our hands is fair game for her. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I want her in every bleeping way but I sooo think this is too soon. I guess we figured that reliving ourselves on the phone - which I never thought I'd do. But I have no idea if i should just let it flow or talk to her about pacing ourselves a little more. efficiently. I'm not feeling totally comfortable with it because of the SECOND thing I want to get out of this email. In any strong relationship there are a number of things being balanced. Emotional and physical desires, intellectual connection, etc etc. We, as I've mentioned above, we've got all the physical desire there. But everything in life goes through cycles. so there will be a time where that won't be the first thing on our minds. and i want to know how to keep everything else going strong. I'm sure I'm doing everythign fine automatically but I want to be able to focus on everything ELSE in our relationship. we have great great conversations at Starbucks sitting for a cup of tea. but it's going to get old and lose it's special touch if I can't change it up. I think this is just me raelly not wanting to bleep it up but you're the ones who gotta answer that! haha, that's why I'm here!! I need help please! Thanks for any help!

yesi can see what you are all saying but there is no "Shoppping around". She hasn't seen anyone else. that's the thing. life would have continues on it's merry way. she had no intention of meeting me...that was MY doing. I was the one who threw the wrench in the system in fact she's never even talked to a guy outside of school before. I think all she thinks is that I was a break or something from her ex tool-boyfriend.

yeha i had a hunch why shouldn't I get to attached to her?

welllll i got a bit of an update for you guys. There is some background info. The boyfriend she was with was a fair bit controlling, and very insecure. Everyone including her best friends and family looked down on that relationship because she was never happy, always miserable, and way going to throw her life away. So far, we've been on 3 official "Dates" or whatever you want to call them. Nothing fancy happened so bleh. It's not cheating, there was no intention to so drop it She got the courage to break up with him. And her friends and family seemed quite happy. I guess they really saw what happened to her. She openly admitted to me that she had feelings for me, and explained how that relationship with her b/f was. She talked to her dad and grandma and she says they showed her things from a different perspective, and then she got that courage. So now for a few days...I've been going out with her. And I don't think i could be happier.

welllll i got a bit of an update for you guys. There is some background info. The boyfriend she was with was a fair bit controlling, and very insecure. Everyone including her best friends and family looked down on that relationship because she was never happy, always miserable, and way going to throw her life away. So far, we've been on 3 official "Dates" or whatever you want to call them. Nothing fancy happened so bleh. It's not cheating, there was no intention to so drop it She got the courage to break up with him. And her friends and family seemed quite happy. I guess they really saw what happened to her. She openly admitted to me that she had feelings for me, and explained how that relationship with her b/f was. She talked to her dad and grandma and she says they showed her things from a different perspective, and then she got that courage. So now for a few days...I've been going out with her. And I don't think i could be happier.

I understand what you are saying. Though she right now is making sure we keep on "just friends" quarters; it's when she decides I've "won" that will be interesting. I'm trying to put myself in her boyfriends position. It would probably bother him ,but that become a problem between the two of them not me. i don't think she really has any intention of cheating on him. Maybe she just in naturally like this and this is how she gets to know people. It's certaintly easier and more efficient than parting. But I don't know anything about the quality of their relationship. Maybe its' really poor. he could be abusive or just very boring. but then again he could be a real lover. That makes a difference. If she isn't happy in her present relationship, she would be drawn to something fresh. As for the secret keeping, this is interesting. I think I should just introduce myself to him? I'l get her to mention me though. I want them both to know that I am not going to get wedged in between them, even if it is her i really want to be with. But I don't wanna be hypocritical cause i like the attention, but it'snot fair to him. but i don't wanna lose her. i still think she's moraly straight - she feels bad about it, it's just frustrating. Any ideas?!!?

Hmmm, but the thing isshe hasn't cheated and I don't believe she intends to. When we first went for coffee it was referred to as a 'date', yes, but she also pointed out it was to be noted as a date "of friends", which is perfectly legitimate. It's the same think that today will be. So it pretty harmless. We're not making physical contact in any way, shape, or form. I think I've figured out how things have progressed for her over the past few days, but i need someone to check and make sure I'm still on track. First, a guy erupts a 2 hour conversation with her while at work. Second, She finds him cute and seeminly intelligent, so accepts his request for a coffee date - but as friends Third, During the coffee date she breaks to him that she has a boyfriened to deflect anything that could jepoardize that relationship. This is strictly business and a chance to get to know me as a friend. To me that is totally cool. She's not cheating and she hasn't left me wondering. It can also be a test of strength to see if I can hold back myself because it's obvious I like her. Fourth, After thinking about it a little more, she decides she really likes this guy. like....she reallly likes this guy. This kinda scares her because she knows she has a boyfriend and (probably) loves him very much. So we go to coffee date #2. Naturally you would want some more exposure toa guy you like but I think she is reallly aware that it's her OWN guilt that will be in the bakc of her mind. MAKE SENSE?!!? But here's the thing that I don't understand; Would she be thinking about breakign up with him now? or is she just trying to play both fields. The thing is she does feel guilty about not being able to tell her boyfriend that we are friends. and I think this is because she has perpared herself to lose him, obviously. So what can I expect? What should I be looking for? In all right I really like this girl and I think she hasn't done anything wrong yet. Even though she hasn't told her boyfriend yet, I think she's trying to muster up the courage to. But i will go on the second date as we will be in conversation for a few hours this evening. Maybe I can bring something up in conversation? ..... HELP MEEE *with voice like 'The Fly'* haha thanks for all your help guys later!

Wellllllllll there was a certain chain of unexpected events. I took out a girl i met on Tuesday, out on a date for coffee. [please refer to link removed for background info...] Within the date she brought up that she has a "significant other". Which realllllly sucks. I walked her home and finally gave her my phone number and email address on a card I had written them onto. She said she would call me the next day. but just as i thought i was out of the running, things changed. She's asked for a second date. So tomorrow I will get some more coffee with her. She said she hopes we get to talk longer. =) But something struck me on an insant messenger conversation. I'm getting major vibes that she likes me. But she's got a long-term relationship already; 8 months-ish, to whom i'm sure she loves. so i'm majorly getting confused as to what to do. i dunno what she is thinking. PS: Does everyone remember when I went back to set up that date? and "Drop in" well this is what she told me [please refer to link removed for background info...] so GIRLS will understand GIRLS cause i sure as hell do not! LOL

tomorrow is my window of opportunity to date her! Intelligently enough, though not aquiring her phone number, I did manage to learn when she was working next. Again, another conversation erupted and a 20 minute break gave me everything i needed to get my foot in the door. Absoultley amazed when I bought a drink for her, we sat at a table in Starbucks for roughly 15 of those minutes talking like we always have. Marvalous! I think buying the drink was a good htink. Her face lit up and she didn't stop smiling. As I walked her back to the store I could not get out the words to ask her out; but my own logic seemed to think that I shouldn't have anyways. Asking her out while she is still at work and just at the last second as she was walking in the front doors probably wouldn't be great. and Our coversations have been while she was at work. SO. I asked if she's like to go for coffee after she was off work. She agreed. "Sure why not" she said. Unfortunatley, this circumstance does have a bit of a time restriction. But I wanna know if this is when i should ask her out, or under what development we make that I should. This is a pretty good preliminary "first-step" to getting there, but I don't know if i either want to or have to make a "second-step" before asking her out. GIRLS PLEASE HELP ME I really need to know what my window of opportunity is. thanks so much !

Girls don't like guys that are very clingy. At least the ones I've dated didnt'. I never could have imagined there was such a thing as toooo much cuddling. It became a matter of not seeming needy. I seemed to be too dependant on seeing her all the time. now I understand why they say you shouldn't call a girl more than twice a week

THERE - RIGHT THERE That is perfect IMO. I believe that 100% That's how I feel. No guy is ever going to go up to a girl and say "Hey, you know what, I like you". It's just too blunt and there is nothing in that sentence that will get her to believe that he's got feeling behind it. but what someone like me WILL do is what Hero_99 said; that is EXACTLY what i do. and it works. this time they bevlive it because they almost can feel the gentle emotion the guy has stirring inside of him. so he doesn't need to say anything. i've NEVER said that i was atrracted to a girl..but I did a lot to show it. And lastly, he brought up a very interseting topic a whole ball of wax on it's own...... cheers.

It sounds like there is an allusion to be drawn to cheating. I don't think girl really much mind guys going as far as "flirting and friendly touching" before it is considered cheating. Once you starting "Kissing"....well you're screwed =P haha. at least that's what I've heard. As for the otherwise, girls generally accept a light galnce as they know it's just instinct.

So i'll go when she working tomorrow I'll go there and say " Since we enjoyed talking so much, I'd like to take you out for coffee once you're off work." sound good? =)