konfuzed505

Glad you feel better now. In person would have been nice, but on the phone probably made it easier. At least you did try to talk to her in person.... Now this week will be easier for you and she can begin a healing process of her own. Take care!

I am a female and have actually broken up with someone for the same reason. He kept calling me occasionally and although I was glad to know that he still cared, part of me did not want him to call. It did not make me want him anymore, instead it was more of a guilt feeling I had for hurting him. It was when he STOPEED calling that I took notice... you mean he actually had a life outside of mine?.... the sun did not rise and set with me anymore... hold on a minute! Think of it this way --- have you ever had someone that was attracted to you, but you just weren't attracted to them back. No reason, they were nice and pretty, just not your type? It's kindof the same way. If she says the chemistry is gone, and you keep calling, that won't bring it back. Trust me. But let her see you out in public having fun with someone else, getting on with your life.... and she'll be wondering what she let go and why. When you are more independent and not looking like you have to call or even want to call, she will want you more. Not to say that she will call, she may not. But in the meantime, don't let your sun rise and set with her. Easier said than done though, I know... But coming from someone on her side, I think it will only make matters worse if you call.

Thank you so much for the quick replies! I guess I know what I 'need' to do, but deep down just don't want to. It's easy now for me to think I can stop (now, tonight, because my latest 'crush' is busy) but the minute he calls, I'll be right back in the same boat. Excited he called, wanting to see him... until he tires of me then I'll be looking for my next fix. I never thought of it as an addiction, but it is. It really is a high for me. And I am at a low right now, and am needing the fix. This is one of the first nights I've been by myself in a long time and it's hard for me to not pick up the phone and call someone to change that. I even walked out the door after I posted this original message. Then turned around and drove back home. I guess that is progress for today anyway.

read this post on same topic: link removed As for self discipline, I don't have any. I always call. It feels GREAT the minute they answer, just to hear their voice and all is right with the world.. ok, a little dramatic there, but you get the point. But you know what?.... every time I do, I feel evem worse about myself AFTER I call for not having the self discipline to have not called in the first place.

when is the last time you talked to her? what is the rest of the story?

Hi Derek, I am brand new to this and have just posted a question myself, so I don't know how good my advice will be... lol.. but I'll give it a shot. If you are planning on waiting until the weekend, you have a long hard week ahead of you. Do you talk to her everyday? If so, it will be weird for you and she will pick up in your voice that something is wrong. Only you know the depth of your relationship and if it is better to do it now than to wait. However, if I were in her situation, I would rather my boyfriend call me now instead of waiting. The reason is she will be excited to see you only to be left hurt and confused. If you call her and ask (not demand) if you could see her tonight - or tomorrow - or whenever, sure she will know something is wrong, but will be maybe be a little prepared that she is about to get bad news. If you know in your heart of hearts that this is what you want, don't prolong it. It will only hurt you both more. By this weekend you will have your speech memorized and it may come accross as cold. In my opinion, it would be better to tell her now that this has been on your mind and that this is what you want than to wait. Just be sure to speak from your heart and be as honest as possible. Most people can deal with the harsh reality of things if they know the truth. It's the not knowing that can drive you insane... Good luck!

This is the first time I have ever used one of these message boards and am really hoping this can help me. I don't even know what I need at this point, I suppose I'm past the point of advice, but I have absolutely no one to talk that I can talk to about all of this and I need some feedback before I go insane. There is some type of problem with me where I feel I need a man in my life to be happy. I always put all of my energy into one person and am constantly disappointed and hurt. I've slept with 7 people in the past 2 months alone (2 on a semi-regular basis), one of which was VERY much younger than me, and a virgin at that. It's like I need the drama and chaos to feel alive. I don't feel like I'm cheap or sleazy, although I do enjoy the sex... but the reason I keep sleeping with these people is because it gives me some type of false security. Then of course, they get what they want and either don't call back, call back for just one reason, or fade out of my life very quickly. I get mad at myself, disappointed and hurt, then angry. Then I meet someone new, become giddy and excited, and the cycle begins again... Right now I am in the hurt stage, the anger stage I've learned is much easier. I'm 33 years old... I know better than this, but just can't seem to help it. Is my self esteem that low? What can I do to overcome this? Can someone please offer any advice to me on this? I'm sure I'll get criticism too, but that's ok. I'm at the end of my rope. Besides the obvious here (risk of stds) I'm repeating a cyle I have repeated for almost 15 years. I want to stop, to be happy alone, to not need a man or the drama, but I can't seem to get off this roller coaster.. Any comments would be really appreciated.