alyira

I went on my ICQ that day instead of MSN to chat with some friends. I barely use ICQ at all, I'm normally pretty hardcore about MSN, and he hasnt used ICQ for about a year, so I didnt expect he'd be on. But he was. I think he'd say no if I asked him straight out at this point about wanting me back. He still claims he doesnt love me "thatta way". A week or two of no contact might do the trick in that aspect, as well as give me a much needed breather from the drama.

Oh, and I forgot to add this to my first post...I work a night shift, which means I don't come home till 4-4:30 in the morning. He's waiting for me online EVERY night when I get home. Last night I worked late and didn't get home till 5 and he was STILL on waiting for me. Men...and they talk about women... Britt

I do want him back. It sounds silly I know, but we've been best friends for alot longer then we have been together, and we just know each other like open books. I think he's my soulmate and all that silly stuff I just think he needs some space, but at the same time he's confusing me about where he stands about me and him.

Ok...in this situation I was the dumpee. He gave vague reasons for dumping me, but I believe it was more than likely the fact that we've been dating 3 years and he hasn't spent much time with his friends most of that time. So he wants to go out and do his own thing, spend more time with his estranged father, etc. Understandable, though painful for me. Annnnyway. I decided, "Ok, no contact time." So I ignored him for about a day, and he pops up on MSN the minute I log on and and was like, "Where have you been all day??" (not control freak like, more concerned). And he's done this several times. Now we talked on the phone last night, and after the conversation, which was mostly good, I was feeling a bit down because he has made plans with a good mutual female friend of ours to go to the Warped Tour in a few weeks. So I decided to not contact him for awhile, step back and take a breather, and deal with things a little better in case he gets together with this girl. And he emails me twice today about silly little things, after just one day of not talking again. I also made it clear I wouldn't see him again for quite a while, because I needed to heal and what not, though I would remain his friend. This bothers him alot and he brings it up frequently. He says stuff like, "But you'll be going away for school soon....why do you make it out like we won't see each other for a long time?.." This past Wednesday he dropped my stuff off at my house while I was home, and he stood looking at me for a sec then smothered me in this big hug, and we kissed for awhile. Then I said "Goodbye" and he was like, "...you made that sound so final." Ever since then, he's been making excuses to see me..."I think you have my rollerblade pads, can I come over and get them?" (he hasn't rollerbladed in years... ) Before when he thought we'd talk and see each other a fair bit, he said this stuff was insignificant, but now it's a big deal. I offered to give them to the girl I referred to earlier, but he was all, "No no, that'll take forever, I want them back soon." Which is a big fat excuse because 1. The girl is part of our group of friends, so he'd see her within the week and have his pads back quickly. 2. He doesn't rollerblade, so why the hell is it a big emergency?? He's also admitted he's putting on this big act for our friends about being happy and fine, and apparently he doesn't sleep worth crap and is starting to drink, (not in total excess, its just odd because he NEVER drank before and he's been drunk twice since we broke up two weeks ago). I've got mixed feelings about it all. Through it all, he still claims he doesn't feel "that way" about me. I'm thinking if I NC him for a week or two, he will realize he obviously does, because he's a big stubborn dummy head. But what should I do when he contacts me? He doesn't call, but he emails and messages me. Obviously I can block him on my message list, but should I respond to emails at all? Thanks for any thoughts and advice.. Love Britt

My ex is the same way. He was the dumper also, and he claims he doesn't love me "that way" anymore, but whenever I try to NC him, he emails me and talks to me on MSN like crazy. Basically, I think ex's that react that way feel a big void where you used to be in their life, even when they start dating someone else, and you become their comfort zone. They need to know SOMEONE still loves them no matter what. It's kinda a codependency. It makes it a lot harder for us, the dumpees to deal with the breakup as well, because even when we do stay in contact and be their friend, they're impeding our healing by getting but not giving confirmations of love out of us. And of course, if you're like me, and you sound like it, this person hurt you but you're still madly in love with them, so we keep foolishly giving out confirmations of love, hoping they will see the light and come back. I can't give ya too much advice hun, because I'm struggling with this same scenario too. But you're doing good with not seeing her in person. If she's with someone else, she can't have her cake and eat it too. Just remember that. Good luck, Britt

God bless the Internet. I love these forums. Now...my boyfriend of 3 years broke it off with me unexpectedly last Saturday. He was supposed to come over, but instead called and broke it off, giving very vague reasons, saying it was "all a charade, didn't love me the way I needed to be loved, blah blah". If you saw us together, you'd know that was a big fat excuse, so just trust me on this one. So at first of course, I freaked out because aside from a few minor arguments, I thought everything was going great. I did the begging and pleading bit for a day, and he refused to talk to me on the phone. So I took a step back, took a deep breath, and stopped trying to contact him for the rest of the weekend. I emailed him a short note saying I apologized for my reaction, that I was just shocked, and ultimately I respected his decision. Then I left it at that. Monday he started talking to me again on MSN. We talked about normal stuff, every day stuff, and I totally avoided talking about the break up. He brought it up a few times, but all I said was that I would be fine, that it was just a shock, and that if thats what he wanted then I respected that. I work a night shift that goes from 5PM-3:30AM. When we were together, he would stay up some nights so we could talk on MSN when I got home for a bit. When I got home Monday, there he was online! He immediately asked me how work and stuff was, and I replied it was good. I was a lil curious about why the heck he would be up so late, so I asked. He said he was downloading wedding music for his sister's wedding. We talked awhile, all just normal stuff, and I said I needed to go to sleep, so he got offline after that and I went to bed. We've talked every day this week for anywhere from 40 mins to 2 1/2 hours. He'd say he was very busy cleaning and stuff and could only talk a minute, and then he'd end up talking to me until I had to leave for work, and say he'd talk to me again in the morning. Sometimes he gets really quiet for a few mins, and once I asked what was up. He said he was typing up a speech for the wedding...then a minute later apologized and said that was a lie, he just wasn't sure what to say. Then we'd start talking normal again. This Saturday, yesterday, I was very busy, so I didn't go on the computer all day till 11 at night. Immediately he messaged me and asked where I'd been all day(he's not a control freak or anything, it was said in more of a curious worried way). I explained I was busy in the city, etc. He said he had been really stressed out about the wedding before it started(it took place yesterday) and had NEEDED to talk to me alot. I was like, ok... Then today I logged on late as well. I've been making it a point not to log on MSN obsessively to see if he's there or anything, so I went outside and tanned, had a few drinks, rollerbladed, read a book, etc and didn't go on till 9PM. He immediately asked "Hey, where've you been all day??" and I said I was just doing this and that and having fun. We're still talking right now. Now tomorrow he is dropping my stuff off, and after that I planned on NC'ing him for awhile, just to clear my head and take a breather. I'm not sure if this is IT for us, but like most people I don't really want it to be, and I hope NC'ing will give him time to clear his head and think too. My question is...what the hell? He dumped me, so why is he the one who's obviously waiting around for me online? Isn't that normally the dumpee's job? (jk) Is he confused or something? Does he figure he needs to establish a friendship now instead of later? And should I still NC him even though he obviously misses me? Thanks for any advice, Love Britt

My boyfriend recently dumped me for vague reasons. We have been arguing lately over silly things, so though we both love each other he's said that he can't take the arguing and stubborness anymore and is on the rebound. I dated the guy for 3 years and I've successfully used NC on him before after a breakup, but I was wondering: for most of this year, I've been a frequent updater of my online diary, the address of which he knows and visits daily. I haven't updated it since the break up, and I'm not sure if since I'm doing NC if I should move it to a completely different address that he won't know about so that he can't read about how I'm doing and such, or if I should just stop updating it and leave it where it is. What would be better? Thanks for any advice, Aly