monicaa

thanks san123, chai714 and muneca for your advice! funny how things are turning out to be, didn't thought it that way of being in control in purpose. Muneca, about what the older gentleman said is like something I read time ago in a magazine. At that time I didn't thought of it as a good thing, because I give myself entirely to a relationship. I was so insecure. But, now it was like unconscious... telling myself that though he is still in my heart.. I love myself too. I think definitively the gentleman you mention has something there.

Hi to everyone, After being madly in love and trying to do anything possible to get my ex back, my heart began to tore apart even more. I know I should have sticked to NC in some time but, I didn't and in few occasions it was me who end up calling. Some part of my story is here: link removed and link removed Last week I decided to give up, my friends told me that I should move on. So even when he is still contacting for "business issues" I decided to do NC again and asked a co-worker to treat all my ex matters for me. Something that my ex didn't considered too much because even when my co-worker emailed him, my ex would reply to me. Then last monday he came to the office and passed to visit, I acted cheerful but not much as before... just cool. He complimented on my looks and asked what I've been to in the weekend. I thanked for the compliment but was reserved about my personal time. As we talked he checked everything in my office... by this I mean is that he asked for any decoration or book I kept in my desk. Finally he left. But he called wednesday about some of the business issues. He knew that I was not going to work on thursday and friday... so he called me to my home on thursday, same business issues, but fortunately I was not home. I got the message but decided not to call him back. Then on Friday a friend asked me out so I did... and my ex called me but my mother told him I went to the movies and dinner (she didn't said with whom). His reaction? he called about 5 times to know when I would be back. At first he said he urgently needed some documentation, so my mother called me and I asked her to send him the mail with the file he was requesting. But after she sent him that, my ex kept calling even to my cell phone.... Yesterday he came by to leave some of the "documents" because he said he wouldn't be able to go by the office next week, and even though he talked only business stuff... he was very curious about the time I got back home the day before. Even tough I gave up... this behaviour confuses a great deal... if we ever get back together maybe not be in this moment... I need to work on myself for me... it is the point that I need it so badly. How do you think I should handle this type of situation? Is he using the "business issues" just as an excuse? any comment, suggestion, opinion or anything is appreciated thanks!

hi, so...my ex called me on sunday to see how things were going and that he was coming to the office on monday... I think I should have kept the call short but I couldn't. He said that he was working very hard from Friday to Sunday... when he asked me what I was up to on the weekend I told him I went out with my friends, he was surprised and changed the subject to work issues. I told him that I preferred to talk business on business days. So the next day, he came by and on an opportunity we talked a bit. He said that he was working until late the day before, but tried to ask me more about what I have been doing other than work... he wanted to have lunch with me but I had to do other things with some people who were there... after lunch he came by to say bye and he said that he had a work appointment and even showed me the printed email of that appointment. I really didn't wanted him to come, you know as to not mix business with pleasure... but as he did, I had to behave happy and relaxed because it is my work. It's really confusing though because he said that he knew some people who could give me better price for some of the things we purchase, that he'll speak to them for me. On the other hand, my best friend told me that my ex registered in the same gym that I am... she workouts with me there too. I haven't seen him there yet... but this is getting kind of ackward... I would like to get back together, but in this time I need to figure out more things about myself to heal completely... and now it is like he is everywhere... my work, my gym... and before he didn't had anything to do with those because he doesn't even lives nearby my gym. What is the best way to have NC with him behaving like this?

Thank you very much for your response and support. Sometimes, it is like we need to hear outside perspective to get things clear in our heads. I still miss him, but you are right about communicating in the wrong way. I feel like he is different in some way, because before his work was so demanding that didn't have time for anything and was always tired... and now he made a change in his job and told me that now he realized how he missed lots of things in his life because of that.... yet, the same communication problem is still there in some way I will sit back a bit and see what is he really interested in...

Why do you say there is a pattern of ineffective/non-existent communication techniques? About the interest in the company. It gets me confused because the businesses he wants to treat are mostly related with what I do, so I would have to treat with him and he knows that. See it is like I run this business, why would he be wanting to promote or work for my company? Ever since I told the secretary to handle his case, he take lots of time to answer mails, like been kind of cool. On the other hand, a friend says that I should be clear with him about our feelings in order to make business together... something like "what is it that you feel for me? I need to know before we engage on any business" and things like that. do you think is a good idea?

About my relationship, it lasted 6 months. We never had any problem, I think I was supportive and he appreciated that. But two weeks before, he was working too much and didn't had enough time to be with me... though he called me every day. I started doing other activities but was not very communicative about it, so he felt mistrust... and when I tried to explain he didn't believed me. So for a couple of weeks we were both needy and insecure because of that situation, but one day he said we were going out but never showed up. The next day I was so angry that refused to see him and became the green-eye lady and he couldn't tolerate it. After that, casual phone conversations which went from cold to more warm until we went out together on July. He has been friendly and I didn't wanted to be pushy by asking at that time about us. I know what were the mistakes that lead our breakup, and I take responsibility for learning from them. I know I cannot turn back time but I know I can be better person. I didn't knew what to do or how to react at first so I made NC and read that it was not good idea to bring up the relationship to conversation unless they do first. That's why I haven't brought it... but I'm having doubts now, because I know that he is proud and somehow insecure too. Some people say that it's no worth the try and that I may make a fool of myself if I tell him at this point that I'm sorry and want another opportunity. At this point, I feel like I must get the nerve to talk about it but I don't know if is a good idea... how to know if what he is doing is good for me to try?

Hi everybody, This is the story. My ex broke with me almost 5 months ago because of insecurity issues, during which I made NC for almost 3.5 months. Though I took that time to improve myself, I still miss him. So I broke NC last month and called him. He has been open and friendly, and have gone out a couple of times for lunch. Maybe I'm making false illussions about he wanting to be with me. So please tell me if I'm seeing something that is not. Though I know I have to be realistic, it is difficult for me at this time because I still love him. Last time we went for lunch, like 2 weeks ago, we had a great time talking and laughing. He complimented on my looks and my clothing, and whenever he wanted to remark something he said he touched slightly my arm. He also said he was happy to see me. During this he started talking about his business and commented that he wanted to participate in some of the projects my company does and that he wanted to introduce me to some of his clients so that would benefit more my company. I listened and gave him my opinions, and he leaned very closely to me and said "so that means I can call you when I have some of this?". He also suggested that as he was on vacation we could meet more often for lunch, which for me is a good idea. At the end of that date he said "I'll call you next week"... so last week after I was expecting his call, like murphy's law when I gave up on the waiting he called on Thrusday late at night. He was friendly but talked about what he said of introducing my company to his clients, and talked more about him and what he has been up to. He said he was really interested in participating with my company. This is kind of ackward. So, days passed and I tried not talking to him, until yesterday that I called him like at 9pm to his cell and when he answered told me that he would call me later because he was at the movies. That really made me feel weird and sad, if you know what I mean... like thinking "he's obviously moved on".... I knew that he would not call, I felt miserable! Even though I went to the movies with my friends too. But he did called one hour later. I did not asked who he was with, but just as I answered he said that he was at the movies because he was like bored and that the movie was o.k. he also said that he knew that we spent years working without enjoying life. I just replied nice and tried to appear happy. I feel very confused, and dont know what to do... because ever since we broke up we haven't talked about the relationship, I have not told him that I miss him or that he is still important in my life... because I'm afraid of rejection. My friends think that if he was not interested we may not been flirting last time we met for luch, not calling me back or trying to make up excuses for being at the movies. They also say that he might be using the "business contact" as excuse for getting closer without feeling threatened, because it is a "neutral" ground. Next week he will be coming to the company to ask for some product information (I knew that yesterday) and I don't know how to handle all this situation. I obviously want him back, but I don't know if I should just tell him how I feel or to get another chance... or just let things flow. Please help! I'm so confused! Thank you for reading my story

thank you for your advice!! single@30, so you think his friend might be "protecting me from feeling badly"? a_little_sparrow, what do you mean "the red carpet has been put out"? I like what you say about "being somewhat selfish, and making decisions for myself alone" I do have been in a couple of casual dates, but maybe I was afraid of letting him or his friends think that I didn't care about him or didn't care about the relationship. Somehow I felt as if I was doing something wrong... I know this is not logical because we are not together anymore... but he got very insecure of any guy that talked to me while we were together... I want to get back together, and some friend of mine told me to get on with my life first to demonstrate security. thereforeeee, I have tried to be consistent about being and acting happy. I do try sometimes to avoid asking about him or about how he's doing... a question is that what an impact would it be for an ex to know that I began dating again? would it be a good idea to begin telling his friend that I'm accepting invitations?

Hi, this is my first post to this forum... really helpful advice and warm community. I have a question that would like your opinion about. My ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago, his argument "I think I don't deserve a girl like you... please remain friends" I kind of do no contact because in a couple of occasions I called him and asked to see him... it was more like my instinct that told me to take my time to heal. I love him very much, though I try to give him his space for it was painful to see him around. I have casual contact with some mutual friends, and this guy who is a good friend of his gets along with me. In a couple of times I asked him about my ex to find out that he is not dating anyone but that he is very stressed and obsessed with work. Lately his friend lead the conversation to talk about him, and several of his comment on different occasions are to find out if I'm dating again or meeting new guys, not direct questions about that but I know it is about that when he says "what's up with the guy at the gym..." if I ran into him and in the conversation I mention "I'm going to see this great movie" he says "who is it that you are going with"... I wouldnt think that he has interest in me because he has a long term relationship, so I feel that he is asking because he is close to my ex and tell him about what I do. He also has mentioned several times that my ex is a very strict guy that makes tough decisions for which he regrets about later. The other day, we talked about school and work and I mentioned that I hoped that he'll be doing better and that I was concerned about he being fine... but as some people advice me before to do that in a peace and relaxed way as to show that I care but I still have a life....and he said "your ex takes such decisions for which he regrets"... I asked what did he meant but didn't wanted to explain. My question is, given that I know my ex is insecure and proud he would not contact me (sadly, but not in a very short term at least)... why is he interested in knowing if I'm dating again or not? I have even though about start dating just as to let my ex see that I'm starting to do alright. Is he just interested as to get the guts to contact me again... or to feel free to move on? what are your opinions?

"you don't worry about being stupid"... ...you might as well fear rejection and feel insecure about the decision one makes. it is difficult for some people to believe again that they will be accepted back in just as before after causing pain and distress. For some is not about acknowledging our mistakes, is about if we will find real forgiveness.