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monicaa

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Everything posted by monicaa

  1. monicaa
    You have to learn to not be so hard on yourself. Everybody has ups and downs in life. Analyse what is exactly that's making you unhappy and take action, do something about it. Because all the things in the list you mentioned, are possible and at your reach.
  2. monicaa
    maybe you can start by accepting and loving who you are and knowing that everything will be alright. Sometimes we think it is hard because we want all, fun, sociability, friends, etc. but it is wise to start with baby steps... try a little until you feel comfortable doing so and then escalate. Think that sometimes our fears are really more than we expect, and finally the outcome is better and enjoyable. Remember that self confidence is a skill we are born with, we just have to take it out. Life is short, enjoy a day at a time!
  3. monicaa
    are you trying to loose weight?
  4. monicaa
    I wouldn't... because having two sons means two ex-wifes... too much trouble
  5. monicaa
    My opinion is that when there are sex problems in a relationship is because there are other problems that haven't been discussed... such as resentment, routine, etc. This is so, because the physical part of the relationship reflects how we really get along as a couple. It is natural that you are dreaming of other girls because you are lacking that important part in your relationship... and maybe that happens to her too. You need to talk to her and know what is going on with that important aspect of your lifes, because even if you think it can be shallow it is something that can connect or disconnect a couple.
  6. monicaa
    Well I think that you already made your point with him. It is natural that he wants to shift the blame, because he might be feeling insecure and it is better to make you feel bad for something you did instead of taking responsibility of his actions. I wouldn't force him into another talk. He has the options and me must decide. My opinion is that you give him the gift of missing you, so that he decides and give you an answer... because it is not fair for you to be waiting for him and acknowledge a relationship with him knowing he is already married.
  7. monicaa
    Compliments are ok, but give them sparingly otherwise it is just like saying "hello". However do make him feel good about himself without saying much, you know like appreciating the things he does for you... remember that so much can be said with the eyes, a touch or a hug.
  8. monicaa
    I don't know much about your culture either, I have heard that they are very strict in regards of arranged marriages and such. I've also heard that family is a great pressure in that cases. My opinion, knowing how things are in your culture, will divorce be that easy? and if so, how much will you be willing to wait for that? It is so hard when you love someone you cannot be with, but you need to consider what it implies that he is married in your country. Usually there is not only legal marriage but other ceremonies. So he has obligations as husband to the other girl, including giving her children. Think if this is really what you want for you. If his love is strong, he will make anything possible to be with you... even over what his family and customs may say. I may not know specifically about your country, but I've known many other cultures.... and I know that even though customs are different, feelings are universal. It is ok and normal that you want answers, you deserve them.
  9. monicaa
    well I thought about asking him for what his thoughts are, I mean I know I'll be back but I don't want to feel ackward when I see him again... if you know what I mean because we are at the same building. I left him a message to see if I could see him today to tell him something in person. Maybe this is not something I would normally do, but I don't want to go back feeling that I could have done this or that... that feeling is awful. I'm more calm and definitively will not tell him my feelings... but I want to know what are his thoughts, see what his reaction is from asking him.... because maybe I'm just making a whole storm in a glass of water. But knowing this would definitively will not let me into a sea of torture for a month or so. Do you think this is foolish?
  10. monicaa
    Maybe in this moments, I'm not the best one to give you an advice because I'm going through confusing moment in my life. But I think that maybe it has to do about how you behave with them in this first dates. Do you talk about them? Do you make them feel unique? Do you make them have a great time? I don't know how your dates were but hope this helps.
  11. monicaa
    this is my opinion, maybe the idea of the guy telling when you are in a relationship is just outdated... but I think that if you have your feelings and emotions clear of what you want, what is wrong of you telling the girl you choose that you want a relationship?
  12. monicaa
    what can I tell him?? would I make a fool out of myself if I call him?? if I tell him I want to see him today?? I dont know what to do?? this is really making me crazy... should I take the chance and tell him all that I'm feeling??
  13. monicaa
    Hi! I don't know if this really belongs to this forum, but this is my situation. Currently I'm visiting this place that I came for business or vacation every one to two months. Every time I came in the past I get together with this friend who is really a very good person. He is handsome too. I came again this time and got together with him, he confessed to my friends that he really liked me a lot and two days ago we hold hands and after going out we got together to his apartment. Nothing further than some hot kisses happened. But it felt so weird because when I left we didn't just say anything. Then I left my glasses there and I called the next day. When he returned my call he laster that day asked me to go to his place to pick my glasses. I was really very confused because being with him really turn on many feelings in me. I know I'm leaving tomorrow and coming back here until May. When I saw him he suggested to get together the next day to do somthing with his friends. I agreed. However he never called yesterday. As thinking about that, When I saw him after him telling me about going to the beach with his friends, I told him that I was very nervous when we got together but that I didn't wanted to ruin the friendship. But really because I didn't knew what we are now or how to behave being around him, my culture and his culture (he is from the U.S) are very different, and then, after pondering about that being the reason of him not calling me back yesterday I made a search in the web about it. And it says that when someone says that is not attracted to the other person. I'm feeling so bad! I really like this guy and I don't want to leave without telling him anything or not seeing him... I know I might run into him in the gym maybe today... but I don't know. I know I made a mistake by telling him that, and would like to do something about it. It is a torture because I have feeling for him and I know he have them for me. What can I do??
  14. monicaa
    Annie24, Thank you very much. Your response got me thinking because you are right.
  15. monicaa
    Thank you Cassiana
  16. monicaa
    well, at least to me he says he has no girlfriend
  17. monicaa
    My guess is that he broke up with you... because otherwise he would be trying to be in good terms with you. In my opinion, he is taking you for granted because he knows that you are willing to bent backwards to be with him. Even if he has a dog who need care, feed and bla bla bla... he has to respect you as a girlfriend and give time to be with you. It is not about being 50/50... don't take it on those terms, it is about respect. I know that you love him, but play it cool... don't make an argument or a long talk about his dog or his unwillingness to give you your place. Instead, next time he wants you to go to his place... you may tell him anything that might prevent you for going (ie., problems with the lock of my apt, feeling sick, got your foot injured...). The next time ask him to meet somewhere else, where dogs aren't allowed... ie., coffee, movies, etc... Other time go with him to walk the dog. Other time invite him for dinner at your place. The idea is that he starts making the effort to see you too. Men need to be set limits other wise you'll end up as a doormat... and dumped!
  18. monicaa
    Hello to all! I am feeling confused... my ex and me have been getting along as friends for almost 15 months. A couple of times we had met for "catching up", and we had been exchanging regular emails... on a friendly tone. He broke up with me because he was having too much pressure from work and his ex-wife. The time following the break up was exhausting for me and after things cooled down we began talking in a friendly manner. About two months ago, in his mails or replys he always added "hope to see you soon". I didn't make much deal of it and played it cool. Then late in the first week of June, I wrote him that due to my sports performance I was going to be on the news... he replied immediately wishing me good luck and he sayed "hope to see you soon, how about next week?" I said that couldn't make it for that week because of some previous commitments, but that could be the week after that (which was last week), he said to keep that date on my agenda. Last week I sent a mail asking if we were going to meet, and he said that he was loaded with work but that he promised to make it up to me and that please schedule this Thursday to see him... After that the following days he sent like five mails saying that we were going to have a great time, that if we could have dinner... and asking about my life and such... (too much compared on what we usually write to each other and very different to how he had been writing to me) I usually always confirm appointments one or two days before, so I wrote him on Tuesday, but he hasn't replied since. I'm intrigued by the way he was showing interest and all of a sudden no news, no nothing from him. He always replied to my mails the same day within the first hour or so. It doesn't makes sense to me. Does anyone has any advice on how can I handle this situation?
  19. monicaa
    sisterlynch, what do you mean to play that number by ear?? muneca, thank you for always being there for advice why would my ex want to have control over the situation? what does it mean? kitfel, thanks for the advice! sometimes I don't really know how to act, because he knows I still have feelings for him and doing NC in my case has become very difficult. Like, the other day my co-worker was upset because my ex wouldn't reply calls or would say "I would talk later on the weekend with Monica". So I had to call him and he said that he didn't receive some information we sent like a week ago, so I forward the mail requesting for his confirmation and he replied to me sending a blank mail with low priority. Then the next day we talked about the same matter and I mentioned not understanding his reply and he said... "that's weird because the mail I sent had a reply message from me"... but in general the conversation was friendly. All this matters are kind of weakening me because I'm feeling sad and even thinking if this NC I'm doing is the right thing, maybe he still feels something and is upset because I'm starting to have casual dates.
  20. monicaa
    my ex dumped me 6 months ago, at first I wanted to get back to him and it took me almost 6 months to realise that even though I loved him... I love myself more. At first I called, asked to meet for coffee or lunch, and even though he was cold at first... he warmed up a little more. I realised that all this breakup thing was tearing me apart and decided to make a serious NC because we work for the same company. All issues he had to deal with me previously, I forwarded them to a co-worker so he could handle them with my ex. I made the effort to start dating again, here and then, nothing special though... and he found out.. and since then he has made the work issues more difficult, keeping information, not answering important messages or sending as if "automatic reply" with very low priority. His attitude really difficult to bear, because all he says to my co-worker is that he would deal work issues with me later. Anyways, I'm not resentful of him and have learned to forgive all the pain I was through, actually I would be his friend but it really annoys me because he sends his friends to ask about my life. How can I handle this situation the best possible way? please advice
  21. monicaa
    It seems to me, at a glance, that he doesn't even know what he wants... on one hand he tells you he enjoys being single and telling you to move on... and on the other he says that he likes that the "future is open". as hard as it is, try to reinvent your life... meet new people, improve yourself... so you can gradually consider it closed chapter in your life. if you're seing him, don't bring up the relationship... unless he does first it, if so... may be good that you set a mind of your ideas... i mean that he doesn't knows what he wants is one thing, but he has to see that you do know what you want... if you want to let him go... then agree with everything he says, enjoy the status and thank him for being an "honest friend"... try to be calmed and relaxed... it is like in athlete races, focus on being relaxed and care about stress later.
  22. monicaa
    hope this link helps! link removed,,168290_194619,00.html
  23. monicaa
    Stress releases cortisol which is catabolic and makes you feel weak... besides if you don't eat well and don't sleep, you will get very tired. I might suggest that you balance your diet and try relaxation techniques to see if you start feeling better. In your breakfast include a multivitamin/mineral.
  24. monicaa
    you're not alone... would you wanna be my friend?
  25. monicaa
    an update to my situation... my ex called again on sunday, I didn't wanted to talk but my mother said not to be rude... I was kind and friendly but tried to keep conversation short. He said that he just wanted to confirm some data for business. Then monday, a friend of his called to my office but I wasn't there and I was told that he got kind of upset that I wasn't there. Later that evening this friend called again, and asked me about my ex... he wanted to know what my opinion was on how my ex was working. I replied on general comments but tried to tell good things. Today I got sick and had to leave early home, so when I called in the afternoon to see if there was anything important I got the message that his friend called again and when he knew that I had the flu his comment was "who did she kissed"... my assistant said that she didn't wanted to make any comment on that so just said that I would be back tomorrow. I'm kind of confused with this things happening, do you think they mean anything about my ex missing me or still feeeling something for me? It's kind of weird that now these things are happening. Maybe they are just illussions that he may want to come back but I don't know how to handle it now that his friend calls and asks what am I supposed to say?
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