Goodgirl

My husband is far off from any time off, like I said before he just took 30 days of leave to move us from NC to CA. He has also begun his First Cycle of training recruits, since he's new he doesn't come home at nights. I've read what I wrote over and over again. It's the reality, its what I face on a daily basis. I know were headed down a dead-end road, its just hard living like this. I am trying to make myself busier so I won't have time to think about all this, and probably less time to see him . But, we remain loyal to one another and are basically friends that live together. I guess that's all were left with after all our separation. Tea, I don't understand what you mean when you say not to expect to much. I've been married for over 4 yrs, this is all I have left and I don't see how I can expect anything less. We are at our lowest points right now.

We got married a year after he joined, and thanks for kicking me when I'm down.

yes he has vacation but he just took 30 days to move us here in Sept-October. But its not the intimacy after the deployment that is weird. Its the relationship all together. My husband was deployed from Jan- June of 03 from October 03- April of 04, then went to DI school in July of 04. So we spent alot of time apart the past 2 yrs that is what has taken the toll. We have been together for 7 years and married for 4 and half. I go to a website for military wives, but it gets a little catty since there is so many women. Some who feel like they are worse off than other's and so on and so forth. There can be alot of drama there so I just wanted to break away and be a little more anonoymous , so I can dish out my problem.

Don't think death is the answer to your problems. Your only 16 and still have so much life to live. If you feel that your home isn't supportive of you and who you are, maybe you should reach out to a counsler or another adult at school. Maybe they can give you advice on people to talk to and how to get out of feeling this way. Don't worry how you look at PE class, that's why it's PE you get to sweat and feel good. Just try and not to be so self consious, sports and PE help build confidence and maybe make some new friends. Keep your head up at 16 everything can seem upside down, its how you get through it that makes you a stronger and better person.

If I was giving up, why the would I move from NC to California to be with him. I was going to stay in Texas( that's where we're from) and start over , I had already registered for school and had a good job. I quit my job, and got out of school to give it another try.If I was giving up why did I go through 2 deployments waiting for him faithfully. You don't seem to understand the military. He DOES NOT have time off when he wants. He has to be at work everyday at 4 am, and will not get to sleep till 1 am. Tell me when will he have time to see a counsler? I am far from giving up, but when I can't do anything right now, it really discourages me. I can't even call him right now to talk to him, but I know exactly where he is, that is my only relief these days.

I am at a loss, I don't know how to fix it. I did post about 6 months ago considering divorce, and well we didn't go through with it. We decided to not stay separated after he was done with his training, but instead have the military move us to his new duty station. We spent some good nights here in California, and spend about a month together hanging out in NC while we waited for our new home in Cali. Well we moved to Cali without a hitch, and things just dont feel right. All our separation these past months has really broken us down. I don't feel close to him anymore, and dont even want to talk to him sometimes. But here's the worse part.... his job. He is a Marine, and his job comes first. There is no if's and's or but's about it. He has no say in when he can come home, or when he can call me. I thought I'd be happier cause he's in the same city, as me, we're in the same state. Where as before he was in other countries and I would not see him for 6-7 months at a time. Now its every other night , but he is so tired. I go see him at work, and we sit in my car, he doesn't get to shower everyday, and he doesn't get to eat or sleep much. His job is a 24/7 lifestyle, and he's living it. One night I wnet to see him and he fell asleep in my car, we didn't even talk. We barely get to talk, I have a freakin roommate, not a husband. I feel now that I just need to focus on myself and give up my relationship, there isn't much left. It seems that both of us are so jaded from out separation that we wouldn't even know where to start. He keeps saying after this enlistment he's getting out, but I don't really care anymore. I tell him do what you want, dont' worry about me. He always tells me no matter what happens between us, he will take care of me. But I just wish he could be the man I married right now. I haven't seen that man in a long time I guess there isn't anything I can do about this. I guess its just a vent, one last grasp at my relationship.

Reading what you wrote guys have different reasons blah..blah. Really throws me off, it just seems your desparate. Is there another reason for rushing this? I read your message, and I can't pass it up without saying something to you. Why are you in such a rush to get married, what is marriage going to do to help you afford living together? I assume at 19 you get financial aid from your parents income? Your married income with no children will get you nothing to help pay for college. But if you pay for college out of pocket, how do you plan to pay for living expenses and college at the same time? How is marriage going to let you see him more often, and children on top of it all? I say take some words of advice from a girl who got married at 19. It is not easy and is one of the worst things you can do right now. It seems that both of you are on the right track, attending college. Focus on one thing at a time, maybe after you graduate from college and get a steady job you should consider marriage. But, also you have been with this same guy for 5 years? Don't you think you should get to know other guys now that your older, and more mature. DO you really want to spend the rest of you life with this one man? I think you should maybe set some short and long term goals, first college, then maybe engagement. But, don't force the man into something he obviously doesn't want, if a man wants to marry you, most likely he will tell you and ask you. I got married at 19 with one yr of college under my belt, and nothing else. My husband is in the military and I moved 1500 miles away from home, we were broke and young! Marriage is a full time commitment, its everyday, its cooking dinner, washing clothes, meeting family, plus you want children, how will you provide for them? You have to think further in the future than right now. To top it off why do u want to know certain ways to "act " to get him to marry you. In a relationship shouldnt you be yourself, true in every sense. Don't act, dont lie, but think about YOUR future, cause he is obviously thinking about his if he wants to wait till he's 30. Hey girl, im just leading some words of advice, sorry if I got to harsh. Believe me marriage is hard, look at the stats.

Well I dont think its the sex afterall , he was just using it as a reason to say how he doesnt feel close to me anymore. Well obviously were not going to be close after all our time apart. But he wants everything to be perfect, and it can't be and wont be. We are in for another separation cause of training and work, there is nothing we can do about it. But, I feel like the damage is done and there is no way of saving us from the inevitable. I dont know him like I used to and it makes me sad, a lot. But what can I do? He is so busy I dont hear from him some nights, and if I do he's falling asleep. I dont know if I should let go or keep trying. I need to make up my mind, cause if I dont then the ending could be very bad. ugh well until then who knows.....

I need some serious advice. We have relationship everyone said wouldn't last, and wondered why we married so young and so soon. I met my husband when we were about to become high school seniors ( at different high schools). He was a rebound for me, cause I had just been dumped by my Bf at the time. I pushed him away but he kept persisting, and I said I wasn't ready for a relationship, but there he was. I soon found out he was in the DEP program which meant he was signed up and leaving for the Marine corps right after high school. When that day rolled around I had grown attached to him, he cared for me more than anyone had ever cared. I loved him, but only being 18 and him leaving to boot camp made the feelings conflict. I was heartbroken when he left and wrote to him everyday. He wrote alot too, telling me how much he loved me and missed me. I began to distance myself from him, but he invited me to see him graduate from BC. I thought it wouldnt work out but we began a LD relationship, him in Florida and me in Texas going to college. I began to push him away again, not knowing how to let go. Our one yr anniversary he proposed to me, and I said yes. we planned to wait to get married, but I wanted to be with him and see him so 3 months later we were married at 19 and I moved to North Carolina with him. Fast Forward to 2 yrs later.I got my associates in applied science, he got promoted twice and was doing well at work. I was done for the time being from school, and quit my job to help my family out in Texas while he went for training in Cali. Soon after our return to NC rumors surfaced about a deployment to Iraq ( before the war). In Jan of 03 he was gone, and I packed up and headed to texas, ( it was his first deployment overseas , and I didnt want to be alone.) I agonized those 6 months he was gone, my family didnt help at all and my inlaws drove me crazy. But I kept on writing to him, sending packages and letting him know I loved him. I have always maintained my loyalty to him and our marriage. I returned to NC about 2 weeks before he did, and when he got home it was so wonderful. But he had a 6 week course to take that required alot of extra time and money. During the middle of it he found out he was getting deployed again. So soon after being home only 3 months he was gone again. I decided this time to stay in NC. Well now were all up to date. Cause after 7 months of emails, phone calls and letters, and a thanksgiving , christmas, valentines, and 4 yr wedding anniversary alone.. he finally came home. FOR GOOD. He reenlisted and is going to a non-deployable unit. BUT.... were visiting home now, and I plan to stay here while he goes to school, he has enouraged me to stay longer. But divorce has been a hot topic these days. He is upset that we dont have sex enough, I tell him I dont always feel like it and him jumping me every chance he gets is not turning me on either. He thinks I am not attracted to him anymore and maybe I should decide whats best, that he would do what I asked. But I dont know what to do! He has only been back in the US less than 2 months.I try so hard to make him happy, and him the same. But he has been so sad lately, he feels rejected and is always telling me he's unhappy. I know he wouldnt cheat, but its not like we have gone weeks without it. We do it at least twice a week, but its not enough its never enough for him. So i just keep pushing him away more. I told him, if we get divorced it would be over us not having sex enough, which sounds stupid. I said I have always been like this, and wont change. he said me too. I just dont see my life without him, but this whole marriage has been so difficult. Being a military wife, and being so young. He's so unhappy with our finacial situation too. He wants such superfical things and doesnt focus on much else these days. Im so confused. I dont know if Im not attracted to him or not. I feel the same, that I have always felt. He's my best friend, and I have stood by him all this time. But lately I feel he's my enemy, and I feel angry more than anything. sorry so long..... what do u think.?????