boltnrun

Just now, JaneShin said:

Got you ok I will try to do that. I’m just worried about his mental health at this point. 

Of course you are. That's understandable.

But if he was suicidal his last year of pharmacy school, why would you think telling him to be a pharmacist is a good idea? I don't understand that at all. 

You can't fix any of this for him. He has to decide what's best for him. That is why I suggested stepping down from the "Ms. Fix It" parenting role and just be supportive. He isn't depressed just to upset you, you know. He's likely suffering, so while I understand it's hard for you to see, it's not about you. 

5 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

Ok I will sit down and suggest therapy next time I see him. I’m just scared honestly he would get angry and shut me down immediately. I will try to be careful when I bring it up. 

You don't need to "suggest therapy". I would word it more like "It worries me when you talk about not wanting to be here anymore. You know I love you and that's why I worry. Do you really feel like life isn't worth living?" Give him a chance to respond. If he shuts down or refuses to discuss it, say something like "I understand you aren't comfortable talking about this with me. I just hope you choose to find other ways of dealing with the stress you're under. I know there are people you can talk to and I hope that's what you choose to do."

Your go to seems to be "suggesting" he do this or that. Instead of controlling behaviors, try to be more supportive. 

4 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

Got you that’s what I’m worried about too. But for me at this point I’m at loss on what to do. 
I’m willing to take him to therapy but I know he’s gonna reject it right away and tell me how it’s not gonna solve the real problems he has 😕

You "know" this? Why not at least try? 

And I completely disagree with pushing him toward pharmacy. If he wanted to be a pharmacist he would be one. 

First off, if he's truly suicidal he's beyond your ability to help. He needs immediate assistance from trained professionals. Please tell him you're concerned and that you hope he chooses to get some help if he is indeed to the point of contemplating harming himself. 

Second, if he doesn't want to be a pharmacist it would seem insensitive to tell him you think he should be one. Maybe it seems like the perfect solution to you, but if that's what he wanted he would have pursued it on his own. You telling him to be a pharmacist could feel like another rejection and I don't think he needs that right now. 

What you could do is reassure him you're on his side and you will support him emotionally, whatever he chooses, and that you aren't going anywhere.

She just wasn't the right one for you. Someone who's more suited for you wouldn't have minded.

At least you won't waste anymore time on this woman. There are plenty more out there. 

When I was a LOT younger I kissed some guys who I didn't really feel that attracted to. I even did it once in my late 30s, when I was really trying to like this one man but I just wasn't feeling it. We even went to his apartment and did a little more than just kiss and that was what cemented it for me. I just didn't feel attracted to him. We stopped dating and he went on with his life and so did I. There was nothing wrong with him, he and I just weren't right for one another. 

(I had actually totally forgotten about that guy. He's the only one I would classify as someone I was "dating" as in, he asked me out on dates.)

I've been sleeping really well lately, so I got cocky and didn't take anything to help me sleep last night. So naturally I only got three hours of sleep, and today is an office day.

Today is going to suck.

I do enjoy hearing the fog horn. Some people complain about it but it just reminds me of how close I get to live to the ocean. So I love hearing it. 

My cousin always made chili with beans. It makes me fart so I didn't eat it. She never complained to other family members or acted wounded because I didn't eat any. Several of my cousins give me candy for Christmas. With nuts. I can't eat it. I don't get offended, I just laugh and then give the candy away. And they don't sit there watching to see if I open the box and eat it. That would be weird. 

It's sad when someone is so starved for human interaction they rely on forums like this one to post ridiculous, incendiary things just to get people to notice them. I usually respond because I do feel bad that they have no friends and no one who pays them any attention, but it usually backfires on me. Well, I tried.

Another beautiful day today. Can't wait for work to be finished so I can go on a walk. 

Oh, and my friend has Covid again. I lost count how many times he's had it. He never got any of the boosters so that might be why he tends to get it pretty bad each time.  

2 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

I'm only stating the obvious. I'm the best you ever seen in your life and you're just denying it because you're afraid of admitting that you're wrong. Stop being so delusional and accept the fact that I'm not arrogant, I'm only speaking the truth and it's not my fault that you're unable to handle it.

Yet you can't find a woman willing to date you.

It's truly puzzling why that is. 

20 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

I usually compliment her on certain things I find attractive, like her eyes or hair, yet they never take that with a smile nor do they seem interested in me, in fact they look completely bored when I hit on them. Meanwhile they never approach me and compliment me, as if I'm just an object to them that should be left out and ignored. Sometimes girls even tell me they have a boyfriend so I just leave immediately to not get even more enraged.

Jeez, no wonder. "Hitting on" women isn't a very effective method. Nor is giving shallow compliments. Or expecting them.

You keep going on and on about how you're so perfect. But apparently not because your high opinion of yourself isn't translating to dates. 

Where do you go to meet and approach women? At school? Bars or clubs?

3 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

The people from the previous threads are the ones that need serious help, not me!

But you're the one who's unhappy, filled with rage and seething with jealousy because you're alone. Not the people who responded to your previous threads. 

Can you give an example of the things you say to a girl you like and find attractive? 

3 minutes ago, marmar said:

I'm now thinking that regardless of whether it was rape or not, I felt absolutely terrible and ill from it, and even so, I really do feel that he made me do something that was against my values and beliefs. I feel that sex before marriage is wrong and he ignored that and made me do it with him.

Then block him from contacting you. You are not required to keep seeing him. 

We told you in your other two previous threads. You refuse to approach women because you think THEY should approach YOU because you're a "perfect specimen". And you come across as extremely arrogant and that's supremely unattractive. You think they couldn't see you were seething with rage and jealousy? That comes across loud and clear.

I don't know why you come on here and complain yet you won't do one thing to help yourself. Why is that?

It would be so much easier if you just flat out told him you want him back. Why does he have to say it first? 

Imagine your child or children witnessing you sneaking around with this other woman. Would you want them to see?

A man I used to know was having an affair for the same reasons you give. One time he was at a restaurant with his affair and she decided to perform oral on him in the restaurant parking lot. Two of his kids happened to go to the same restaurant at the same time and walked up to his truck window while his affair had her face buried in his lap and his schlong in her mouth. Imagine how that went. Spoiler alert: not well. 

And there's no reason why a divorce has to be dirty or messy. It can be civil. Mine was and yes, we share a child. 

I go to a regular chain grocery store that sells vegan, gluten free, sugar free, nut free...just about anything anyone could need. No one has ever given me crap for bringing store bought desserts when someone has a special need. 

You apparently have a REALLY hard time understanding that people will not do what you think they should do or how you would do it. But it might be worthwhile to reflect on whether or not your approach has been working. Do all of those people you constantly criticize have any of the things you say you want WRT a love relationship, a career, good friends, etc.? Maybe you might consider a different approach. Your way has resulted in a lot of frustration, envy and disappointment. 

I would love to get a phlebotomist who is somewhat skilled. This one went for the inside of my elbow and it really hurt. It never hurts when I have blood drawn so I knew something was wrong. So she pulled the needle out and bandaged the hole and tried again. But this time I TOLD her which vein to use and presto! Everything went fine and there was no pain. Jeez Louise...And they needed a urine sample but they'd told me to have nothing, not even water, after 9:00 pm last night. Fortunately I was able to squeeze out some pee. 

At least that's done and hopefully this new NP will actually provide some actual care and follow up with me. 

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Bring a date, have fun and if you do see her if would be fine to make amends.

I'm guessing his husband might object to him bringing a date!

13 hours ago, jnr586 said:

I have since accepted my sexuality, married a wonderful man

I agree with the part about saying something if you do run into her. I'm guessing she will understand.

10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I don't care that she didn't eat it. I'm just not catering to her anymore. My mother pushed and pushed that we make her comfortable. And she didn't even eat it.

Contradicted yourself within a couple of sentences. You ARE upset she wasn't sufficiently appreciative of your "slaving" efforts. 

My brother loves to make stuffing with walnuts. I literally could die if I eat walnuts so he just leaves them out if I'm going to be joining them for the meal. He doesn't make a big deal out of it or call it "catering" to me.

If you're that distraught over it, just buy a special dessert for her next time and leave it at that. No hurt feelings for you. 

20 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

I'm sorry you went through that boltnrun. I don't understand how a person can act like that. Getting pregnant is generally a two person job, so two people should generally take on the responsibilty after. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that and its the woman that has to pick up the slack. Hope you got far away from this guy. 

Thank you.

He is far in my past. 

Fortunately the migraine never set in. I may have staved it off with a cup of caffeinated tea and an Advil this morning. Caffeine has always been very effective to help stave off major headaches for me as long as I drink it before the headache really sets in. I am still quite drowsy but the drive home wasn't bad at all. I'm going to sleep as soon as I can (need to wait for my hair to air dry which can take up to five hours!).

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Why not call or go in person?

I'm guessing that would be too overwhelming.

32 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Hope you get home safely!

 

Thanks, me too!

I looked into taking the train to work as it literally runs behind my office. But in order to take the train I would have to ride a local bus to the train station, take one train into the big city downtown, then take ANOTHER train to the stop nearest my office. All of that would take about 2 1/2 hours. I already get up at 4:20 to drive in, so taking the train would require me to get up at about 3:00 am. It takes me 35 minutes to drive in and an hour and ten minutes to drive home. Taking the train would be a FIVE hour commute! No thank you. 

Public transportation here sucks. 

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Can you search online for support groups for others who are neuro-divergent? You might be able to make some friends that way. People who understand what you're going through might be the best people to become friends with.