boltnrun

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You're trying to talk us into believing he wants to be with you in a romantic relationship. But who are you really trying to convince?

It makes no sense to keep yourself available and attached to someone who not only said he isn't going to be in a relationship with you but who is moving far away. 

No matter how "beautiful" you find him, you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same thing.

I get you're frustrated because you haven't met anyone interesting yet. But this situation is just going to result in even more frustration and disappointment. 

16 minutes ago, Vectorland said:

What does having game mean exatcly?

It means pretending to be someone you're not. 

You're very young and it's normal to be trying to figure out who you are. 

Just so you know, I am a woman and I had no boyfriends in high school. Not one. It wasn't until I got out of HS that I started having guys like me. And I was a virgin until I was in college and so was my husband. 

Keep in mind, sexual activity puts you at risk of getting a girl pregnant and for STIs. No need to be in a rush to experience any of that. 

7 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I’m less firm with these men. And that’s out of fear they might think I’m problematic and leave

That's the opposite of confident. 

And it's probably why you're struggling. You're so focused on getting these men to like you you're forgetting to determine if YOU like THEM and if they're right for you.

I'm watching racing and for some reason it reminded me of this:

My son is a very large man. Several inches over six feet and built like an offensive lineman. One time years ago he was driving home from college. Apparently some man thought my son cut him off (which in this area is an unforgivable offense in some people's minds) so he followed him, yelling and road raging. When my son stopped his car at home this guy stopped next to him and got out of his car, demanding my son also get out. So my son thought "OK" and got out. This man saw this giant getting out of his car. His eyes slowly scanned upward and upward. My son towered over him by six inches or more. So this road rage guy just said "Um, yeah, yeah!" and ran back to his car, jumped in and drove away. He obviously realized he had chosen to mess with the wrong guy. Funny thing is, my son is a gentle giant. He seldom loses his temper. He can remain completely calm while stuck in standstill traffic for hours. He's super chill. But he's just so physically huge, he's intimidating without intending to be. That guy probably thought my son would annihilate him. Which he probably could have if he chose to.  And if someone makes him mad? Hoo boy, better watch out. I have seen him lose his temper. He can string together curse words like no one else. And if he's towering over someone he can be scary. But someone has to really do something bad to make him angry. His spouse was assaulted a couple of years ago and I know if he'd been present those people would have had serious damage. He's very protective of his loved ones. 

At one point I was unable to afford full time college tuition. I also needed to work to support myself. So I took classes at the local community college that would count toward my degree but it wasn't full time and the tuition was extremely low. I think I took two classes per semester. So I got college credits that would count toward my degree but I had enough time to also work full time. At the end of that year I applied to a four year university and was accepted and also received financial aid. 

I don't know how it all works in Romania, but in the US there are programs, grants and scholarships people can apply for. The university helped me obtain financial aid. 

Could you go abroad to work but also take online classes that would count toward college credit?

It's going to be very interesting when the sleep study results are in. Thursday night I slept a lot because I was so exhausted. Last night my sleep was of poor quality, mainly because it's super cloudy and potentially going to rain and my body always aches before it rains so it's hard for me to get comfortable enough to sleep. We'll see how tonight goes.

Tomorrow my brother and I are picking up my cousin's brother and taking him out to lunch. He's the brother of my cousin who passed away recently. He lives in a group home because has Down's Syndrome. He absolutely adores my brother so he should be excited to see him. We are making a point to take him out every so often so he knows even though his entire immediate family is gone we won't forget about him. 

You're trying to talk us into believing he wants to be with you in a romantic relationship. But who are you really trying to convince?

It makes no sense to keep yourself available and attached to someone who not only said he isn't going to be in a relationship with you but who is moving far away. 

No matter how "beautiful" you find him, you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same thing.

I get you're frustrated because you haven't met anyone interesting yet. But this situation is just going to result in even more frustration and disappointment. 

3 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

the last guy said a few things that might be insensitive but honestly most men do

No, they don't. 

I have no idea where you're meeting these men but they do not represent every single man on the planet. 

How do you meet men? On dating sites?

You don't want to be "friends". You want to be in a romantic committed relationship with him.

It's really going to hurt when he tells you in detail about the women he's dating. And hurt even worse when he tells you about the amazing woman he's fallen in love with. 

Why put yourself through that? Why not find a man who thinks YOU are the most amazing woman and who actually wants to be in a love relationship with you? You won't find him as long as you're lurking around hoping this rude, insensitive guy somehow picks you. 

So my A1c is 5.5 but my blood glucose is still high at 101.  Not super high, but it's still high.  It would appear I am not diabetic or pre-diabetic but I'll see if the doctor wants me to continue avoiding sugar.  My blood glucose was 105 a few months ago so it seems reducing my sugar intake by about 75% has had a good effect.

My cholesterol is slightly high although my triglycerides are low.  I admit to not being super good at avoiding certain foods although I do not eat fast food and almost never eat fried food.  But I do eat things like burger patties (plain, no cheese, cooked in the oven) and pork chops (baked) and baked or braised chicken.  And I snack on crackers (usually Triscuits) and sugar free protein bars and cookies.  And I do eat sugar free ice cream and pie. Probably should cut down on that.  But my overall risk is at the "low" level. 

12 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

This makes me cringe. What century is this? I'm a grandma's age, and my own grandmother wouldn't have even said such a thing, much less consider it 'helpful' to a 'support' forum.

We're not speaking of some innocent child who was somehow woman-handled for his sperm. He's a grown man and perfectly capable of managing his own sex life. Apparently, he did that just as skillfully as he's likely to support this baby. Give mama a break.

And as I said before, he's perfectly capable of purchasing condoms or getting a vasectomy if he's that concerned about being "trapped".  Or he could have just not had sex.  I think we all know how babies are made, so I doubt he's a clueless victim.  Particularly since he's already fathered multiple children.

The idea that the woman is solely responsible for pregnancy is ridiculous.  Now, if she had assured him she was infertile or had her tubes tied that would be a different story.  I've read nothing that indicates she deliberately deceived him into impregnating her.

17 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this was covered already. Is there a reason why he won't just certify and work as a pharmacy tech? He'd make decent money and gain exposure to the work environment, and over time he'd learn whether the might want to pursue the test. If he opts to do so, he'd have some money, so he could hire a tutor to help him with test prep.

She wrote he became suicidal his last year of pharmacy school. It seems the pharmacy profession is triggering to him for whatever reason. 

1 minute ago, LovelyRoses said:

Men really keep girls as backup? That’s shocking! I don’t get the impression he dating anyone serious now though, I really don’t 

Not just men. Some people do that. My ex would ALWAYS call his exes every time he and his current girlfriend got into a fight. He wanted someone to give him attention and soothing so he could feel better about himself. He also kept up contact on a "just in case" basis, in case he wanted them around in the future to use for his own purposes. When everything was going well in his life, however, or he had a girlfriend he wanted to focus on he ignored all the others. 

So yes, some people do this. You can do what I did, which was to ignore him when he reached out wanting to use me to feel better. I eventually changed my number and didn't give it to him so he could no longer contact me. Worked like a charm.

3 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I hope it doesn’t mean I’m not good enough 😕 I thought he genuinely wanted me as a friend 

Why do you jump to not being "good enough"?

How is your self esteem in general? Do you think highly of yourself? How frequently do you see your friends (real friends)? What things are you involved in socially?

You keep mentioning "suggesting" things to him, but first of all he's a grown adult and second, he wouldn't view it as "suggesting". He would view it as you telling him he's defective and you have all the answers on how to "fix" him. It would be viewed as pressure. 

From what you've written a lot of his issues are self inflicted. I can understand how he might have panicked when he realized the time to actually become a pharmacist had arrived and it wasn't what he wanted. He could have maybe said something before it got to that point but he chose not to. Then his mother threw a temper tantrum with throwing out his equipment and he threw one by moving out and living in his car. He seems to run away from issues or hope they magically disappear instead of dealing with them. While this isn't a healthy mindset it's not all that uncommon.

If he's truly suicidal and depressed he needs professional intervention. But again, that has to be his decision. Sure, you could tell him you're concerned and you hope he chooses to work with a professional but I can tell you an ultimatum will likely be poorly received. 

What you can do is decide if you want to continue to be involved in this mess. I understand you are emotionally connected to this man, but that shouldn't be a life sentence. If being in this relationship no longer serves you, you are free to leave. But if you do choose to stay please be well aware of what that will entail. 

And please step away from trying to play Ms. Fix It. You can't "fix" other people. 

How would you feel if your wife agrees to an "open marriage" and she started having sex with other men? After all, if the marriage is open that would apply to the both of you, not just you. 

Thank you.

So my doctor ordered a sleep study which I am doing at home. It's interesting. I was so exhausted yesterday I turned off the light at 9:00 pm and got up at just after 5:00 am. I probably got almost 8 hours of sleep which is extremely rare. I have to record data for two more nights. I'm curious to know what kind of conclusion the study will come to. 

Tell him you want nothing to do with him, then block him. 

Are you still seeing a therapist? If so, I advise you to discuss with them your conflicting feelings, where you go from being frightened of him to believing you "love" him. If you're not in therapy I strongly advise you to start up again. 

Hiding your feelings behind a romantic or sexual relationship is unhealthy. It also places an unbearable burden on your partner. Please understand it's up to you, not a partner, to deal with your childhood trauma. 

This is also likely why your relationships aren't working. You're chasing a high OR numbness, not a mutually loving and respectful relationship. 

2 hours ago, chess103 said:

And yes, I am afraid of being alone, I can admit. I'm scared.

What exactly are you "afraid" of?  Can you elaborate?

She has basically told you "no, thanks". The "why" isn't really important.

I do wonder why you want to continue to pursue her. Is it because she's told you she doesn't want to continue to date you? You can't possibly believe this is a one of a kind connection after ONE date. 

And I doubt you want to be "friends". I think you just don't want an "L" on your record, so to speak. 

1 minute ago, JaneShin said:

he need to consider getting serious help. 

Again, you can't force him.

If he expresses suicidal ideation in your presence or over the phone (voice call or messages) you are advised to call 911. They can get him immediate help.

If he's venting to you and doesn't seem.open to "suggestions", you can decide if you want to remain present or not. That's especially true if he starts taking his frustrations out on you.

You can simply say "It seems you don't feel up to talking about this right now. If you want to be left alone I'll respect that. But I want you to know I do care and I hope if you get to the point where you want help, you'll contact whoever you think can help you."

You can Google mental health resources in Texas and find contact info for resources in case he does want to explore that. 

I have mental health issues and I would have responded to a "get help or else!" ultimatum by shutting down even more. And becoming even more anxious and depressed.

 I responded much more positively when people simply said "I'm sorry, that has to be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You can't force your boyfriend to get help. Please rein in the tendency to want to "fix" this NOW! If you're having a hard time with it, how do you think he feels?

I'm so freaking exhausted. I'm seriously nervous about driving home after work. And I won't ask again for my manager to let.me go home early. I've shared enough about my health issues with him and I want to keep this job.

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Heeyaa...Come and get yours! ❤️

 

Applebee's almost ruined this song for me when they used it in their commercials. Bland McFood from a crap chain restaurant. 🤮