mrd

Pass him a note that says "I like you, do you like me?" If you two are already flirting, ask him to hang out sometime. There's no rule saying the guy has to initiate date plans. You really have nothing to lose.

I'm sure this has been said before, but right now I feel particularly compelled to post this. If you and your companion recently broke up, and you are going to hang out again or reinitiate contact, you have to control yourself. Do not, I repeat, do not cry or otherwise whine the entire time. Doing so will only drive your ex away. I broke up with my girlfriend last week, and I had doubts about what I was doing, mainly because I have never initiated a breakup before. I can't emphasize enough how much I genuinely care for my exgirlfriend. But for the past week, she has called me numerous times crying. I've been extremely understanding thus far because I was once hurt the same way. But tonight I'm hanging out with her, and I expect the entire night to be her crying and me trying to comfort her. I understand what she's going through, and I care for her. But honestly I can only sit around trying to get her to stop crying for so long before I just don't wanna deal with it anymore. If this continues, I will probably just cut all contact altogether. I should add that I was doubting the breakup from day one, and I was considering just backing down and saying I made a huge mistake. But alas, her crying has definitely changed my mind. Hopefully whoever reads this won't think I'm a huge jerk. It hurts me that she's so hurt, and I could talk at length about how bad I feel about it. But I can't help her deal with things any better by being there when she's crying. I have no idea what to say or do, and all I can do is stay there until I can't stand it anymore. In retrospect, I probably seriously messed up my chances of getting back with my ex two years ago. I constantly talked to her about how bad I felt and whined about how it was her fault and I wanted to get back together. Within a few weeks of breaking up, she wouldn't hang out with me anymore. So my advice to any girls who would cry, or any guys who would incessantly whine, is pull yourself together and don't cry uncontrollably. It'll make a huge difference in how your ex perceives you. If you cry uncontrollably, I guarantee that he/she will not wanna even be around you, let alone get back together. I hope this helps.

anyone?

anyone else have any input?

-She's told me about the committment issues at various times. She told me about them when we were together and things were still good. She told me about them a few months after we broke up, and about a month ago when we started talking again. When I call her on blowing me off, she usually won't say its committment issues, and give some other excuse. -When she was with her other ex, I assume things were normal. I know she blows him off now, since he calls her and starts fights. Also, he cheated on her, so its understandable she wouldnt wanna talk to him. -Its been almost 2 months since she broke up with her other ex. I'm not sure I understand your 1st question, as we arent back together. She was not like this when we first dated. When we first dated she would always ask me to hang out and she would make a point to spend a lot of time with me. I basically never had to initiate hanging out. When we were together she would call me everyday in the morning and we would basically hang out everyday. She didnt blow me off ever until we broke up. I'm not sure how to explain her behavior. I don't understand if she could hang out twice without problems, why wouldn't she hang out more? afterall, it was her idea. She could always just not make plans with me, that would probably be a lot easier. I'm an idiot and I like to frustrate myself, so I'm probably gonna make plans with her a few more times, and then after that I'll go with no contact.

2 questions: How long has it been since you broke up? How old are you? Well, its obvious you still wanna be with her, and you don't wanna move on. however, you're also able to maintain no contact. this is good. You should continue not contacting her. if she wants to be with you, then she will let you know. however, if she doesnt, you still win because you haven't contacted her, which will only make it easier to move on. basically, you cant lose by not contacting her. If anything, her thinking you're moving on will make her upset/jealous, and if she wants you to not move on she'll try to stop it. If she broke it off, and she has not stated she regrets it or anything similar, then you must accept the current situation. Don't try to manipulate it. Don't put anything in your AIM profile or web site. I sincerely doubt it will accomplish anything.

So about two years ago, my exgirlfriend and I got together and were together for 6 months. Things were really good. She and I were both pretty attached and dependant on one another. Anyway, that all ended, and the end wasn't so great. Most of it was caused by me not accepting the breakup and her continually blowing me off after making plans to do something. She would also occasionally mention getting back together during this period. When I called her on this she would just avoid the blame. What ended up happening was we hung out everyday for 6 months, and then one day we didnt really hang out anymore. we would see each other occasionally but it was always weird and we werent really friendly towards each other. It was a hard transition. So, about a month ago, she starts talking to me again online. We have some really good conversations, and eventually agree to hang out. Also, one night, seemingly randomly, she tells me she's been thinking about 'us' and how things were. she talks about us hanging out and getting back together. And she talks about how we used to do it alot, and how we should try to resist 'crazy sex on the second first-date'. Basically she talks about getting together and us getting to know each other again. I like the idea, and I wanna give it a try to, just slowly. I also confess to her, that it pisses me off real bad when we makes plans and she bails out, and thats my one concern about us hanging out again. So I call her and try to make plans, and she blows me off the first few times, but with excuses. Then she asks me to hang out, and we hang out two days in a row. Things are pretty cool; we interacted the same as we did when we were together, and the conversation was good. She makes plans to hang out again and blows me off. She gives a decent excuse. Then she blows me off again and again. Everytime we're supposed to hang out, theres a pattern. She'll agree to hang out, and be real nice and receptive of the idea. Then she'll call me before hanging out, and tell me when she'll call me back so we can arrange to meet somewhere. Then she'll call me back with updated information of when she'll be done so we can meet. Then she will either A- not call me back or B- call me back and say its too late to do anything. This is obviously real annoying. The first few times this happened, I tried to take some pressure off her, and said 'hey, im glad we're friends again', just to assert what our relationship is (for the time being). then she continued blowing me off. Sometimes when she blows me off, she will make other plans with me, to make up for it. she also blows me off these times. She's told me a bunch of times that she has issues with committment and stuff. her parents were getting divorced when we broke up. Additional background info: We both just got out of relationships and are mutually aware of this. Hers was 18 months and bad, mine was 5 months and good. There is no way she is getting back together with her ex. So I ask you, the reader: -Overall, what is her deal? -Why would she make plans to hang out with me when she fails to follow through, a majority of the time? -Why is she uncomfortable, even just being friends? Its been nearly 18 months since we broke up. Why would she still have this sketchy behavior after such a long time? I've wanted to ask her about this, but I'm sure it'll make things really weird. I'm not really looking for advice on what I should probably do, as I already have a good idea of what I'm gonna do. I just want to better understand how she feels . however, if you think you have good advice, I welcome it.

last night we talked. she said she still has feelings for me, but had concerns about whether or not a relationship would still work. she said some other stuff, and overall the big problem on her side of things is that she doesnt tell me how she feels. she also said she's stressed out from school and stuff going on with her friends. knowing whats going on at school and with her friends, i can understand the stress, but alas i dont think i should be on the backburner.

after reading your post I dont think that my ex is nearly as bitchy. she's pretty kind and nice, and I have not been hit. she has showed equal concern for my feelings for the most part. she just fails to offer any sort of solution

My ex and I broke up two weeks ago over dubious reasons. Since then, we've hung out a lot, and recently I've been trying to put some distance between us. I would like to get back together, but she has stated she does not. This is acceptable to me but it is proving to be difficult. She wants to remain close friends, and she is still emotionally dependant on me. Seeing as I still have strongs feelings towards her, its hard for me to adjust to the change in relationship. Its even harder when she still calls me, asks me to hang out, tells me how important I am too her, etc. In other words, she acts as if we're still together, minus physical interaction. She also gets jealous whenever she thinks im going to see other women, which I have not done yet. She did at one point state she wants me but not a boyfriend. Its hard for me to get over my feelings when she still gives me special attention and I still see her on a regular basis. I would like to spend some time away from her, but this is extremely difficult, as in order to do so I have to sacrifice a large part of my social life (we have many mutual friends). I would like to be friends someday but at the immediate moment I'm not ready for it. When I attempt to be her friend, I find myself in awkward situations where I would like to do things that are no longer appropriate (ex: we often lay in bed together, I wanna get physical). The current situation upsets me tremendously and I've been trying to change it to make myself happier. This has caused numerous arguments with my ex, and I'm afraid in trying to change things I'm hurting her. At this point, I would like some sort of solution that can make both of us happy, but I am at a loss. I feel I've communicated my feelings to her effectively but I do not feel she has done the same. Whatever advice anyone can give is greatly appreciated.