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Thread: Is it normal for men not to be affectionate?

  1. #21

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    Thank you everyone for your advice. I just want to add that this is his first long term serious relationship. He had a Few shorter ones before me. I always wondered if that may be a part of it. As in he doesnít feel confident sometimes in expressing himself. I could tell at the beginning he was always very nervous with me.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nmr1983
    Thank you everyone for your advice. I just want to add that this is his first long term serious relationship. He had a Few shorter ones before me. I always wondered if that may be a part of it. As in he doesnít feel confident sometimes in expressing himself. I could tell at the beginning he was always very nervous with me.
    My own husband when young was very anti pda and nervous. But he changed as he got older.

  3. #23

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    Anyway back to the point in hand. And the Ingalls and Jim Bob aside...

    OP. So you say he's always been like this pretty much?
    What do you like about him? What made you say 'Yes!"

    Come on spill the beans about what makes him float your boat? :)

    He must be a pretty decent fella otherwise for you to date him for 4 years and agree to marry him... :)

  4. #24

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    Originally Posted by Nmr1983
    Thank you everyone for your advice. I just want to add that this is his first long term serious relationship. He had a Few shorter ones before me. I always wondered if that may be a part of it. As in he doesnít feel confident sometimes in expressing himself. I could tell at the beginning he was always very nervous with me.
    That's pretty normal for a guy in his early 30's.

    But hate to break it to you, but this isn't going to get him the get out of jail free card re. why he is not making you happy in your wants and needs.

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  6. #25

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    He is a great person with a big heart. He does sweet things for me all the time( just folded all my laundry and put everything away without me asking:) and he puts me first before anyone. He would drop anything for me at anytime if I needed him and he is calm, respectful and a hard worker. He is Willing to listen to me when I talk and never tells me I am overreacting and making a big deal of things ( even sometimes when i am). I love him dearly. The passionate side of me is just missing that very much and I feel guilty for that.

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Maybe if you read my other comment in the thread youíd realize I do. Iím not so old I come from the dark ages you know. Gee whiz I actually remember being 30. I have a son who is only eight years younger than her. Iím not so old I come from the Flintstones.
    Never said you were. But the examples you offered were of people who are in their 80's-90's. And justified that as they are old it's ok as you have never seen them hug once, but as they are still alive and together - it's normal.

    Totally irrelevant to the OPs situ.

  8. #27

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    Originally Posted by Nmr1983
    He is a great person with a big heart. He does sweet things for me all the time( just folded all my laundry and put everything away without me asking:) and he puts me first before anyone. He would drop anything for me at anytime if I needed him and he is calm, respectful and a hard worker. He is Willing to listen to me when I talk and never tells me I am overreacting and making a big deal of things ( even sometimes when i am). I love him dearly. The passionate side of me is just missing that very much and I feel guilty for that.
    He sounds like a good lad. (But don't get used to the laundry thing ;) (Can you send him over to my place?)

    Would you sit down and have a serious heart to heart with him? Tell him what's bugging you?
    Have you brought it up seriously before with him?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Nmr1983
    He is a great person with a big heart. He does sweet things for me all the time( just folded all my laundry and put everything away without me asking:) and he puts me first before anyone. He would drop anything for me at anytime if I needed him and he is calm, respectful and a hard worker. He is Willing to listen to me when I talk and never tells me I am overreacting and making a big deal of things ( even sometimes when i am). I love him dearly. The passionate side of me is just missing that very much and I feel guilty for that.
    So , he brings some great qualities to the table. Was he raised in an environment that was not very affectionate?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Prior to him were you with guys who satisfied that "passionate side" while not respecting the other sides? I ask because you should never feel guilty for yearning for any side of you to be satisfied. Romantic partnership isn't about suppressing certain needs and desires, at least in my opinion, but about committing to someone who meets the core spectrum of your needs and desires. Hard to feel guilty when you'e full, is all.

    Aside from "Hey, babe, hug me more" have you had a real sit down about this stuff?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's not about what's "normal" or "men" at large. It's about this man you are engaged to and this relationship. This man is not a hugger and that doesn't make him abnormal or less than or whatever negative things you want to impute to him.

    I would suggest that you read up on the 5 languages of love, not for the sake of changing him, but for the sake of YOU growing a little bit emotionally and learning to understand, see, value different languages of love. Even so, you really need to ask yourself if you and him can truly get your differences and meld harmoniously anyway long before you walk down the isle. In fact, you should both read it, talk about it and see if you can arrive at some mutual middle ground. If you cannot, if you continue to feel sh$tty for lack of a better word, then this relationship is the wrong one for you. Do some work on yourself and your relationship and see where you stand after that. Don't toss the baby out of the bathwater so to speak.

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