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Everything posted by Nmr1983

  1. Yes, I mentioned a lot of his good qualities in a previous post. He says he is happy when I ask him. I mentioned counseling and he agreed but hasn’t said anything else about it. I am going to bring it up again. He seems to just go along for the ride sometimes if you will. Just agrees with me even on little things that we do and doesn’t really suggest new things to do together. I may be wrong but I feel like it’s always me trying to keep the spark alive. He is a bit passive.
  2. He proposed at the beginning of the year. As I have gotten older I do want to get married and have kids. I was just never in a rush. We are supposed to be getting married in June and I am supposed to be sending out save the dates, getting dresses and all that stuff. I just don’t know right now. This advice has been very helpful. He seems to be more affectionate when he is drinking which loosens him up. I don’t want to have to wait every time for him to drink to be more open though. There is already a lot of money into this and I know that is not the main concern here, I don’t want to en
  3. I have just pushed it down for a while then it would get better but looking back the majority of the relationship has been like this. Yes, my fault I guess for accepting a proposal. It’s extremely hard to leave though when 90% of the other stuff is fine. Thank you for your advice:)
  4. That is what I am trying to prevent. I’m afraid I am already starting to, so I am fighting hard at this point.
  5. Serious question- How does having had a few bad relationships have to do with a need that someone has? I had it before those relationships and I will always have it. He can be who he is. That’s why I am going to observe and make the right decision before we get married. I spoke to him and he knows how I feel. That’s all I can really do. Before we got engaged , he would be more affectionate at times. It seems to have decreased much more since we got engaged.
  6. “ I am who I am and it would be down right ... well... selfish for someone to demand I conform to their standards ESPECIALLY when their need for my change was due to their own unresolved baggage. “ Figureitout23- I am going to disagree with this. My need for affection ( everyone is entitled to their own needs ) has nothing to do with “unresolved baggage” but everything to do with something I put high value on in a relationship. Whether I had baggage or not, I would still want this aspect to be a strong one in a relationship so the two do not go together in my case. I am not going to
  7. I did and he told me he thought everything was fine.
  8. I think that if I were more fulfilled in that sense, I would feel more emotionally connected to him and I would be More willing to accept the amount of physical affection (or lack thereof) outside of the bedroom.
  9. Did you find that the guys that were not very affectionate, were emotionally unavailable to a certain extent ?
  10. Bluecastle- you are very observant. I am impressed with how you hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
  11. This... the guy before him was extremely passionate handsome and we just clicked on that level and others. He ended up cheating
  12. LOL to the laundry thing.... i like someone who can take the lead and be more assertive. Nothing to crazy. I guess I just feel like every guy I have dated ( short term) that has been like that, has ended up being emotionally abusive or cheating. I guess I have this idea in my head that if a man is very passionate he probably is not a good long term partner based on my past. I want to be able to have those intimate moments that make you closer. Retire and walk on a beach holding hands and always keeping the spark. That kind of stuff . I was never the type of person that had a goal to get m
  13. To be honest not 100%. We don’t really “make love “ if you will. He doesn’t call me beautiful or sexy in bed. It’s almost like he follows my lead a lot. It’s not that it is bad. It just isn’t very passionate.
  14. Yes he was raised where they never spoke about issues and swept them under the rug. They never hugged or had heart to heart conversations. His father would kiss his mother but never hug her and he wasn’t there for her emotionally. He has never told his mother he loves her in front of me but they have. A great relationship.
  15. I talked to him about it the other day. It was a heart to heart and I told him how much I love him and want to marry him but I feel like the physical part is hard for me to accept. I said I understand I am trying to convince you to step out of your comfort zone but I am not trying to change you. Even though in essence, I guess I am. He told me he is trying in that department it just doesn’t come naturally. We talked for a while and I said” ok I’ll shut up now “jokingly and he said “no, it’s good that we are talking about this.” So he is open to talk about it. Should I give it a few months and
  16. He is a great person with a big heart. He does sweet things for me all the time( just folded all my laundry and put everything away without me asking:) and he puts me first before anyone. He would drop anything for me at anytime if I needed him and he is calm, respectful and a hard worker. He is Willing to listen to me when I talk and never tells me I am overreacting and making a big deal of things ( even sometimes when i am). I love him dearly. The passionate side of me is just missing that very much and I feel guilty for that.
  17. Thank you everyone for your advice. I just want to add that this is his first long term serious relationship. He had a Few shorter ones before me. I always wondered if that may be a part of it. As in he doesn’t feel confident sometimes in expressing himself. I could tell at the beginning he was always very nervous with me.
  18. Thank you for your input. I never thought of it were reversed. That’s a good way to look at it. That would be hard for me to change.
  19. 4 years. He was a little more affectionate at the beginning. Then it would be here and there but nothing over the top.
  20. I have had two long term relationships and both people were very affectionate.
  21. To me, it’s not trying to change him. It’s asking him to be a little more affectionate. It’s like picking your dirty clothes off the floor. would that be considered trying to change someone if you ask them to do this?
  22. My fiancé is not very physically affectionate on his own. He tells me he loves me everyday and kisses me but never hugs me or tries to cuddle with me. Its always a quick kiss and he pulls away. It’s starting to really bother me as I have talked to him a few Times and he says he is just not naturally a huggy person. If I initiate he doesn’t push me away but he seems to get a little awkward and it never lasts more than a few seconds. I’m starting to really crave that in a man and it’s not changing. He is not affectionate with his family either. I have never seen him hug his mother in 4 years. H
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