Back together but rebound memories still hurt

My partner of 3 years and I split when I was coming out of my SAD. In my idiocy I hooked up in the first week. Hated it and hated myself. I came back in a week to give them back their van and we had made love 4 times in one night still with the intention of me still moving somewhere I can live fully rather than in isolation in the woods. I felt like I had to be honest and told them after I moved back to the city. Within two days of me leaving the second time they were dating someone new. Understandably so. Someone two years younger than I. I felt like they deserved to be with this person because I was a terrible person(later find out this person was a meth user, and had been stealing, hurt and had manipulated many people around doing things like leaving people stranded in the middle of the woods to steal their purse) I vowed celibacy, and 4weeks pass. We stay in contact because I was having bizarre experiences like dreaming of going on their walks in the woods with this person, laughing in bed, and even having intercourse. Confirmed with my now again partner that all of this was what was happening with their new partner. I even had an experience where my soul felt like it was being torn apart, and someone was kissing my lips, and feeling my body right before a show. I fell into a fetal position instantly in public.. My partner had also had similar experiences when I had been with another. 4 weeks pass, I can't take it anymore and ride a scooter 2 days through an Icestorm. Almost died, had to build a fire to stay alive, arrived and stayed at the community nearby for a festival expressing I'm willing to talk if they want to. My partner supposedly cut off the cuddling, and intimacy with the other person when I mentioned I would be back around for the festival. Not before getting drunk, and telling me not to come, and getting into a car crash. Also telling me they still wanted to be with me but they wanted to be with this other person until they left the area before we got back. Find out during our reconciliation the reason they didn't want me to come was because they had made an agreement to have full on no bars intercourse together during the festival. I felt utterly disposable. They did break things off and claim to never have fully had intercourse, just cuddled every night, and jacked/faceed. Now we are back together for 2 months. They acknowledge the relationship with that person was rebound, and they feel bad. I'm not upset at them, but because they went for walks in our woods, cuddled, and had sex in our bed, cuddled on the couch, cuddled on the front porch, I can't seem to stop having these memories imaginary or real hit me square in the face. As far as my personal reason for the split was largely because they had become an alcoholic, and would scream, and threaten to kick me out everytime they would drink. They have been quitting that since we got back together, after communicating things that caused issues on both sides, but not before it had happened two more times of our getting back together. They realized how cruel they were when they drank, and have been quitting since. The problems that were in our relationship (my own inner problems to) have been being worked on, and that part has been becoming way better, but some days I just get hit in the face by the reminders in the house, whether it be from him watching a show that he watched with this other person with a friend of ours, or the stairs leading to the bedroom, or the bed itself. How do I stop remembering? I'm trying to create new memories in these spots but the imagery keeps coming. Its only been 2 months since. Is it just patience I need? It's pushing me to a point of wanting to give up, and be celibant, and single.

I think you need to get out of this relationship you're in. It's toxic and not good for you. And you need to seek out a therapist to work through your problems, and quite possibly get on some meds that may be able to quiet your thoughts and focus on what's real in your life. I think things are too much to handle at this point and you probably need to get away from everything and everybody right now. You need to take care of yourself. Eat right. Get plenty of sleep. Go out walking or hiking. Find friends or family who don't want anything from you to just hang out with. Go to movies, concerts and other events. Just try to focus on yourself and try to have fun. But you certainly need to get away from it all.

Who is "they"? The hookup or the reunited ex?

me still moving somewhere I can live fully rather than in isolation in the woods. I felt like I had to be honest and told them after I moved back to the city. Within two days of me leaving the second time they were dating someone new.

My partner

Is your partner gender non-specific? Or is this a same sex relationship? Trying to understand the purpose of your use of the pronoun "they".

Its same sex. Perhaps shy of mentioning it is a same sex relationship, with a larger age gap. Myself being the younger of the two.

Don't be shy about things, it gives context. In fact it's well accepted and there's an entire forum here devoted to it: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=28

Its same sex. Perhaps shy of mentioning it is a same sex relationship, with a larger age gap. Myself being the younger of the two.