How to deal with OCD when dating ?

I suffer from OCD and anxiety ever since my adolescent years. I never went on any medication as my family doctor told me a long time ago that having OCD could be an advantage if I wanted to focus it on my education. In terms of education, it worked but when it comes to dating, its been tough. I get along quite well with women. I also have been told by many that I am quite good looking. So what seems to be the issue that no one would want to date me ? It took me quite a long time to realize that looks don't matter but having a nice personality and values does.

Its hard for me to even approach a person I truly like, because the moment I get attached to them, I am doomed. My OCD kicks in and I become obsessed. It takes a huge chunk of my life to even get over that specific person and year after year, I just miss out on life.

I recently met this beautiful woman after 3 years of finding the right person. I had no doubt in my mind that she liked me. If i had played my cards right, I could had been with her now. It never happens to me, as I already explained that I only approach certain women that are interested in me or like me. But when it comes to them to get to know me, I am basically empty. Don't have a lot to share, my OCD becomes a problem as every moment I spend with them, the more attached I become and due to this I just push them away just like I pushed this girl away out of my life. We don't even speak with each other anymore.

I never got the chance to get to know her and neither did she. And this breaks my heart because I am an awesome person but I just couldn't even control my emotions.

People normally tell me that I would find another girl sooner or later but what they don't understand is that I have tried a lot and ever since me and my ex broke up, I have been searching, hooking up and never found anyone that I truly had a good connection with. And when I found that person, after 3 years, I just pushed her away. Now I am completely obsessed about her, though I don't stalk her or anything. I just have her in my mind constantly, wondering what she is up to, who she might be dating or hooking up with. And this basically takes my focus away from the things that I truly want to do in life. Sometimes when I see her around (we have the same group of friends), I just see her happy as ever, as if nothing ever happened and losing me even as a friend was no big deal. But I ended our friendship not because I didn't care about her but because I cared way too much and I knew that she would be just fine. She is simply living and enjoying her life the way she always have but me on the other hand, I am hung up by the fact that she just became uninterested in me due to my emotions and obsession...

How can I control my obsession of becoming attached to a person ? This is the only reason why I really can't move forward in life.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Reduced my husband’s OCD to almost nothing.

If your OCD keeps being the reason why you can't successfully maintain a relationship with someone who obviously really likes you (as opposed to you wanting what you want despite their interest in you), then it's time for you to come up off that thought process of not going on medication to regulate it---because as you have seen fall out in experience at your feet, not having a grip on it is impacting how you want to proceed. And truth be told, a stranger isn't obligated to be patient with your OCD. It could be a choice on their part, to which they're entitled, that they don't want to have to deal with someone whose challenges they won't correct through available treatment strategies, like medication.

If your OCD keeps being the reason why you can't successfully maintain a relationship with someone who obviously really likes you (as opposed to you wanting what you want despite their interest in you), then it's time for you to come up off that thought process of not going on medication to regulate it---because as you have seen fall out in experience at your feet, not having a grip on it is impacting how you want to proceed. And truth be told, a stranger isn't obligated to be patient with your OCD. It could be a choice on their part, to which they're entitled, that they don't want to have to deal with someone whose challenges they won't correct through available treatment strategies, like medication.

My husband is also medicated for his anxiety and related OCD and had therapy. No one would even know he had OCD so bad at one point he was non functional. Today he is a completely functioning person with very little to no symptoms depending on situation.

"I never went on any medication as my family doctor told me a long time ago that having OCD could be an advantage if I wanted to focus it on my education." In reading this, a long time ago...maybe you could revisit this option? What harm would it do to try another doctor's visit, explaining to him in great detail how much this is affecting you? This could very well be to your advantage in this season of your life. There may also be some support groups that he could recommend as well. I'm not sure about your faith but I know that when I'm volunteering at church or other places, it takes the focus off my OCD. I used to have to have every single thing in it's "so-called" proper place or I could not function. I even when I dated, I would have internal conversations wondering if anyone was noticing things about "my being OCD." I had very few friends and it wasn't until I began to feel the fear and embrace making new "friendships" again and again. I had to say either they are going to like me or not, but I had to stop standing on the sidelines and put myself in places that I wouldn't normally feel comfortable in. I discover, over time that the fear was overrated and I began to relax more and more. I hope that you are willing to revisit your family physician or another trained professional who specializes in this so that you can have beautiful life as well. You have something to offer the world and God can use you just like He is using me. I'm not 100% cured but I'm not where I used to be.

Please forgive my ignorance, but when it comes to OCD, I have always understood it to be a disorder where any disruption in life, routine, organizing the household have to be very precise, the worst case scenarios being having to have items always place perpendicular or parallel or in a specific place, washing hands repeatedly, checking the doors and windows are locked to the point it makes you late or sleepless for having to check you did it, or counting, or rituals, or not being able to stop until the house is sterile and then doing it again. These examples are the extremes of the disorder; there are varying degrees, I understand this.

How does OCD relate to relationship in the way the OP is describing? Can anyone explain it to me a little? Is it an obsession with the new person to the point that focus cannot be placed in work or school or basic chores and errands? Ruminating? I can understand this and can see how this could be what creates stalker behavior. How does this translate to pushing someone away, as I would think the circumstances of OCD would be quite the opposite...too much attention given and too much need for attention from the love interest (clingy, needy) that is unrealistic?? I'm having difficulty understanding how being obsessive causes someone to push someone away, when I would think they would be a suffocating blanket. Thank you for explaining.

OP, I think you might need to revisit the medications. It might have been good advice at the time to stay off of them, especially if you were young (teens can be affected differently by psychotropics), but life goes on and moves forward and personal needs change over time. If you really want to stay away from medicating, you need to explore other cognitive therapy, but even then, a course of medications to help remove the riff-raff from your mind as you work through therapy and develop coping skills, ween off in time, might be the route to go. No one wants to unnecessarily medicate, but sometimes it's what you need to get you over the hump, and of course there is a possibility it is a life-long requirement...keep open to this idea.

You see your flaws and difficulties. What was acceptable and recommended in the past may not be the best route for today. I think you should revisit types of therapy, and I think you need an outside source, whether it be medications or coping skills therapy or both.

Ruminating comes in many forms not always routines. Quite often it is but not always. For instance when my husband was young he could not have sex on days he went to the military because in his mind sex and military did not compute. It was a “gross distraction.” And when you are in the military ahhhhhhhh no sex life? Wha?

He finally reached a point he could not function because he was so so so bogged down in ruminating we almost got divorced because he was non functional and enraged when his “ rules” were not followed.

He still has the odd “ quirk” but totally livable.