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My and my husband separated almost two years ago. We have children together and have a great relationship, we talk about anything and everything. There have been multiple times during our separation where we were close to getting back together. However he is now in a relationship and moved him with her after two weeks. He had no where else to go so he had to move in with her. This is where it painfully hurts. We were trying to get things back on track and went out together one night, a guy I use to know in my teenage years said hello and he got extremely jealous and we argued. The next day he couldn’t stop apologising for it and that he was sorry that he didn’t mean to get jealous and react like that. I told him that it was okay and to stop worrying about it.

5 days later he told me he was seeing someone else, I said thank you for letting me know and nothing was mentioned about her for around a month and we seemed to be back to working it out but then he told me that he bumped into someone we both knew when he was with her one day so I asked what’s happening with you two? Because I hadn’t heard anything about her and because we seemed to be working things out I stupidly amused that they weren’t seeing each other anymore. He bite my head off saying there was nothing going off, hung up on me. The following day they confirmed their relationship on Facebook. I was so hurt and angry especially after I asked the previous day and he said it was nothing! I feel like I’m been cheated on and that he’s left me for her, I know it sounds stupid but it’s the only way I can explain it. We are some what back to how we was not completely. Before her we would speak everyday, he would ask about the kids and ring them every night to say goodnight, ring every morning to tell them to have a good day at school and now he doesn’t do any of that.

He has opened up to me about how he wouldn’t be with her if he didn’t have anywhere else to go and that he would be with me, making ago of things. The thing is he is still there, now I have said that I wanted to make a go of things before but he hasn’t done anything about it. I know he loves me, he’s told me he wants me and would be with him. I can tell by the way he looks at me he still has feelings for me. I guess I’m just feeling abit betrayed and I know I’ve rant more than anything but I don’t know what to do and I hate the feeling of him being with someone’s else, I’ve accepted it more now but I know he’s lonely and he’s afraid to been on his own. We were together for 10 years and I loved him more than anything I’ve fought for me and been there through thick and thin and I guess I just wanted him to fight for me like I fought for him.

I don’t know what to do, I know I should move on but the small hope in me is expecting him to tell me it’s over and that he wants to come back. Can someone help me?

Also I’m so sorry it’s so long winded.

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Why were you separated in the first place?

Are you actually going through divorce or still just separated?

All of these times you thought you were having "a go" at things, was this your assumption or had actual conversations about getting back together taken place?

Am I understanding correctly that all the 'fight' for the relationship has been from your side?

His behavior toward you appears to be anything but loving...

 

Please use paragraphs in your posts - it is easier on the reader.

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Your husband is telling you a bunch of nonsense and you apparently choose to believe him. He probably did have this other woman in his life when he left you. You just don't find a stranger to move in with two weeks after you leave a marriage. You're fooling yourself to think that he's living with this girl but that he secretly loves you and wants to move back with you. It's a line to keep you on the hook. He's playing you, maybe because he wants to keep seeing the kids. But you're torturing yourself with these dates where you go out with him. You need to move on with your life. You've been separated long enough. File for divorce so you can set up formal boundaries and begin healing and leading your own life.

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Our divorce is on hold right now because we were unsure whether it was the right thing to do, hence once it’s done you can’t undo it.

We separated because we were drifting away and once we had time apart we both realised that we did infact want each other but we were/are cautious about it working out and getting back to where we are now.

 

I have a lot of love for him as he does me. We are extremely close considering we aren’t together and I know that’s not the “normal” thing but it’s what we’ve chosen to do for the sake of the family we made.

 

We have had talks about getting back together numerous times it was clear from both parts.

 

His relationship with this girl won’t last and probably is a rebound however I am happy for me to be with her if that’s what he truly wants I would never stop someone from being happy even if it’ll make me unhappy. I haven’t dealt with my emotions well enough from the split but trying to make a go of things may not of helped.

 

He said he was tired of waiting around for us to be back together permanently but as I’ve said before we both agreed to take it one day at a time so with him being in a relationship now seems like a slap in the face.

 

I did do more fighting for him then he did for me, so I did want him to actually fight for me not to settle for someone because he had to!

 

It’s extremely difficult for me after being married for 10 years and I have tried to move on just like he has but something always pulls me back to him. If it was the other way round and this was me not him doing it he would have a problem with it just like I am, he has openly admitted it.

 

Like I’ve said even though we aren’t together to talk about everything, if somethings bothering us we talk about it and we are very honest with each other no matter how painful the only issue I have I that I don’t know where I stand it’s the only question he can’t answer.

To anyone else it would be clear where I stand but I just want to hear it from him because said he would come back. I don’t believe everything he tells me but I chose to because I don’t have anything else to go by and the fact that we do have a lot of trust with each other. I just don’t think he generally knows what he actually really wants!

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I would suggest not putting any more effort in than he is willing to put in himself. Make your relationship about taking care of business about the children only, and figure out how long you are willing to stay in limbo land. Usually the more you push someone, the further away from you they go. I think he knows you will always be there no matter what he does - so there's no rush to fix things.

 

He told you he was seeing someone and you said "ok, thanks for letting me know" then carried on as usual, assuming it was over because he didn't mention her again. Like, where was the anger? You were supposed to be committed to working things out and you just continued on as usual until surprise!

 

I'm just saying, at some point you have to stand up for yourself and draw some lines in the sand. Keep it strictly about the kids and leave the relationship talk out of it at least until this new relationship ends (and you don't know if/when that will happen). I wouldn't even engage in small talk, to be honest. Ever heard of the 180? You should implement that asap. It may not bring him back to you but in a sense it'll help you detach and get out of the whoa is me stage. You will be well on your way to moving on. You cannot control what he does but you can set yourself up for getting over him, should that end up being necessary.

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He doesn't still love you and want to be with you if he is in a relationship with another woman that he lives with.

 

He's a confused liar. He is lying to you and lying to her.

 

You fought for him and he left you.... And then started another relarionship. Now he lives with this woman then lies to you that he loves you. Next up he lies to her that he has no feelings for you any more and your marriage is over. He's still married and he's dragging the new girl into his lies.

 

Please accept these truths. HE IS NOT CONFUSED. HE IS A LIAR.

 

I wish I could tell you something different but you need some tough love or else you are in for a world of hurt because of all this nonsense and drama.

 

A man who loves his wife and kids doesn't ignore them, stop calling and move in with another woman. He takes care of his family, cherishes his kids, finds a way to win back his wife and he finds a way to love his wife EXCLUSIVELY.

 

Please. I am begging you. Get your head out of the sand and take care of yourself and your kids. File for divorce And get a therapist. Today.

 

 

We r all here for you. Go do what you need to do and stop making excuses and defending his obvious bs. We will be here to listen and support.

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Sorry to hear this. Why did you separate? It's great to co-parent and be on good terms, but it would be best to refrain from talking about each others romantic lives. Keep it about the kids. Does he pay child support and have visitation/partial custody? The kids should be the things you talk about.

My and my husband separated almost two years ago. However he is now in a relationship and moved him with her after two weeks. Before her we would speak everyday, he would ask about the kids and ring them every night to say goodnight, ring every morning to tell them to have a good day at school and now he doesn’t do any of that.
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