My ex boyfriend breaking up with me has made me feel so insecure and depressed. Help?

If you’ve seen my previous post, you will know that my ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. However, we officially cut contact Monday. For good.

When we broke up, we were still meeting and sleeping together for a while. However, 3 days after we stopped, I was told he was seen out with another girl. Since then, a month later, he is still seeing this girl and has now slept with her which is so hard to hear.

This whole situation makes me feel so insecure because he broke up with me because he said it was “too serious” and how he “doesn’t want to commit to one girl for the rest of his life”. Since he’s been with this girl, we’ve had sex twice. It sounds bad I know, but I have no loyalties to this girl and I still love him. I came onto him, it was my doing but he still gave in to me. The second time we slept together, I was unaware that he had slept with this girl and then slept with me a few days after - I was so hurt, and I still am. He told me they had only done other things... after, I asked him if he prefers it with her. He was stood there smiling, in other words yeah he does. If it’s so great with her, then why did he agree to having sex with me? That really gets to me, he even said to me at the time how “I know what he likes”, which sounds like he was implying that she doesn’t.

I can’t stop thinking about him being with her, it makes me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him and that he prefers her. He’s basically picked her over me, although she became aware we had slept together whilst they have been seeing eachother, she has chosen to stay with him.

The whole situation confuses me and it is making me depressed and insecure - I feel ugly, and like he finds her more appealing. We were together for 2 years, how could he just leave me like that and move on with another girl? He claims that she agrees she doesn’t want anything serious either and that there’s no point in settling down at this age, then what’s the point in them being together? He said to me he doesn’t want to get into another relationship yet that’s exactly what he’s doing.

The thought of him being intimate with her and him comparing us both, and finding her more appealing than me makes me feel ill. I know he’s seeing her and treating her the way he did me, making her feel special. It all feels so wrong, like it should be me he is treating that way. I even asked him to get back with me because I became so desperate to have him back, even after finding out he had slept with her and then me, and he still rejected me because he said he knows I still love him and that I want something serious. I don’t understand why he always says that he doesn’t want something serious/to commit yet that’s exactly what he’s doing, he has loyalties to this girl now. He’s cut off contact with me for her, after 2 years of us being so close.

I feel so depressed and ugly, it’s made me feel like he’s chosen her because he prefers her to me. Him saying to me how “nice” she is was horrible to hear, like I wasn’t nice enough yet I gave him my all. I’m sorry this is long, I’m just so confused and I’m finding it so hard to move on. He’s fallen right into something with someone new, yet I can’t seem to find anyone so I’m stuck wondering why I’m not enough.

He's a guy, rarely will they turn down sex. Doesn't matter who it is.

This is why it's a terrible idea to have sex with an ex.

You no longer have any commitment to one another. Each are free to do as you please.

Don't let this destroy you, learn from it.

The next time, remember: relationship or nothing.

A guy will have more respect for you if you don't sell yourself short to them.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Let him go, forget the other girl, he's basically not going to commit to her either.

In due time, they will part also.

I agree that guys rarely turn down sex, but he has frequently been sleeping with this new girl he’s seeing so why would he give in to me when he already knows he can get it handed to him on a plate by her already?

Also, if he’s not going to commit to her then I don’t understand why he’s with her. He seems like he genuinely likes her and respects her, he is putting the effort in with her so it doesn’t make sense to me.

I agree that guys rarely turn down sex, but he has frequently been sleeping with this new girl he’s seeing so why would he give in to me when he already knows he can get it handed to him on a plate by her already?

 

Also, if he’s not going to commit to her then I don’t understand why he’s with her. He seems like he genuinely likes her and respects her, he is putting the effort in with her so it doesn’t make sense to me.

Because he likes the attention from you, and you are familiar to him.

He is being so disrespectful to you both, and probably laughing about it.

Of course he likes her, it's new and he can have sex with her.

Don't think about the whys, you will drive yourself insane.

Focus on you, turn him away, move on.

You'll be so much better for it, and it's really your sweetest revenge to say no more.

I know you're hurt, I've been where you are.

You are prolonging your pain

I just feel like I’ll never understand. I can’t stop thinking about it either, I’m finding it so hard to move on knowing he could just drop me like that. I don’t understand how he can move on so fast too.

I just feel like I’ll never understand. I can’t stop thinking about it either, I’m finding it so hard to move on knowing he could just drop me like that. I don’t understand how he can move on so fast too.

Because he had already checked out of the relationship with you before it was even over.

I know it's hard to not think about it, but find distractions. Your mind controls your emotions.

You deserve so much better.

I think that it is more important to love yourself. He has told you that he does not want a committed future.

Say away from this guy, or your will further deplete your self esteem.

This guy is a jerk. He is using both of you.

Do not ever put your value into another person. You had a life before this guy.

If you’ve seen my previous post, you will know that my ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. However, we officially cut contact Monday. For good.

 

When we broke up, we were still meeting and sleeping together for a while.....

Just want you to know that I've been going through the exact same thing with my exwife....

And out of Hope and the immense love I had for her I kept letting her come to me and fooling myself that I could handle it....

And then on Saturday I saw her getting into another guys car....This crushed me.

Then Monday I got the 'I'm not going to contact you anymore' email....This destroyed me.

Having to now cut contact and smash that hope to pieces in an instant has made the last 4 days incredibly brutal....incredibly!!

As painful as it is right now I guess the real healing can begin for both of us JJ*

Try not to compare yourself to the other girl....Know that YOU are amazing and if he can't see that, someone else surely will...when you're ready.

Stay Strong and I will too.

Carus*

Thank you Holly. I want to be able to love myself again, this has made me feel so insecure. I just feel like he’s picked her over me, it makes me wonder what she has that I don’t.

Thank you Carus. Good luck to you too, I know it’s hard.

I know that it is hard, but don't you want someone who values you?

This dude was sleeping with both of you. He hasn't chosen her, either. He is no prize.

This isn’t about you being ugly or not enough . He stayed at the you for 2 years so yes he found you attractive and enjoyed his time with you etc . It’s not a competition between you and this new one . He only knows her a short while and she has said she doesn’t want commitment so this suits him for the moment . If she does change her mind or wants more he will be out of there immediately. While you might think what they have is commitment it’s not from his side anyways . He may have just hooked up with her to ease the pain of withdrawal from you and the 2 year relationship. I would focus more on the fact this guy is not capable of commitment and is very selfish in the way he used you afterwards and did not consider your feelings . This is no way to treat anyone so is he the type of person you would want to spend your life with . Focus on your self and moving on and don’t be comparing yourself with this one . Chance is are this time next year she won’t exist

That’s some really good advice, thank you. He did say to me that he started talking to her because otherwise he “knew him and I would be going around in circles”, it’s just hard because I thought he loved me but he went and had sex with someone else so soon after a 2 year relationship. Sex is special to me, he just said how “it happens, it’s just another body part” - he doesn’t think of it like I do, clearly. He does seem to be commiting to her on some level though which is what I don’t understand.

A different story you can tell yourself, my ex and I loved each other for a while and shared our lives together. Then we grew to want different things and that made us incompatible so we broke up. Ex may still find you attractive, ex may still be fond of you, but logic brain has triumphed and he has moved on from the idea of being your partner. This is sad but normal. The best thing you can do now is engage with your friends, meet new people, take up a social hobby or few. It’s going to hurt for potentially quite a while yet (going on two years here but I didn’t go no contact and I haven’t found love since). But as time passes, you regain your equilibrium, you feel more and more bormal, you think of being rejected by the ex less, and that rejection has less impact on your self worth (especially when you have friends building you up).