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anon2021

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  1. Thank you everyone. It just feels like a smack in the face, or at least it will when it happens. I treated him so well, it makes me wonder why not me? Why didn’t my other qualities or our bond suffice? He seems to value a relationship where the girl will go out drinking with him and have “fun” more than anything. It makes me feel like he never really loved me.
  2. My boyfriend and I broke up 9 days ago after a 3 year relationship, on his terms. Initially, I was devastated but since blocking him on all social media I have felt a bit better which makes me wonder whether him ending the relationship was actually what I knew was right deep down too. However, I keep worrying about him talking to or seeing someone new. We were in a relationship previously for 2 years when we were 16, he broke up with me when we were 18 and started seeing another girl a week after so I worry he will do the same now. I was heartbroken. A year after her, he came back to me. I was stupid enough to take him back but we had a good +3 years together. I keep having dreams about him with another girl. I know I need to accept this might be a possibility and I don’t want to be surprised if I see him with another girl, he said that’s not the case this time and that he’s “an adult now” and “wants time to focus on himself” but I just don’t believe he can be or wants to be alone. I just don’t want to get upset if this happens and feel like I wasn’t good enough, or feel resentful towards the girl either - where I’m from is a small place and everyone knows everyone.
  3. @Lambert that’s all so true, thank you very much. I blocked him on social media this afternoon, seeing him post photos out with friends like he’s having a great time without me just feels like he’s rubbing salt in the wound, even if it might be unintentional.
  4. Thank you @LambertI appreciate your advice and support. I agree with everything you have said, it’s helping me see things more clearly. I have still been talking to him here and there at the minute, I think it is best for me to go no contact now. I don’t know whether to block him on social media - a part of me finds comfort in still having him on there and being able to see what he’s doing but it also brings me a lot of anxiety incase I see something I don’t like. What do you think?
  5. Thank you @AndrinaI agree, once I come to terms with the situation I think I will see why I am better off. I have friends, go to the gym and have just finished a nursing degree so I do have my own life but as much as I love going out and doing things, exploring new places, frequently going out drinking doesn’t appeal to me. Your advice re not relying that this is just a stage of his life is very true too. A part of me always had a fear it might not be as his dad is often out drinking too. I will do just that, thank you. We are still speaking here and there at the minute, a part of me thinks it’s best to block him on social media because seeing what’s he’s doing will upset me, especially if another girl comes into the picture, but another part of me wants to know what he’s doing too. What do you think is the right thing to do?
  6. @MissCanuck@SherrySher you’re both right - what you’ve said definitely hit home but it’s true and what I needed to hear. I think a part of me is just in shock and unable to accept what’s happened because despite the evident incompatibility we did have a great relationship, and although I was sharing similar thoughts deep down (which are hard to remember at the minute because I’m hurting) re his heavy partying, drinking and not being hopeful towards a future together or committed enough to me, because I love him I was willing to make it work and also hoped that this is just a stage in his life.
  7. @MissCanuckwell… I had picked him up from a friend’s house, where he had been drinking. He wanted me to stay up and watch a film but I wanted to go to sleep… he then began saying how I always go to bed early, I never go out drinking with him, how other couple’s go out drinking together and how it might not be important to me but it’s important to him. Although he was basically calling me boring, I tried to rectify things the next day - I said now I know I’m happy to go out with him more and that’s when he began giving me the cold shoulder and was reluctant to sort things. he has mentioned this before, saying how I never drink with him but I personally don’t enjoy drinking for the sake of it but I will here and there. Would that really be a deal breaker if you loved someone? I just wonder why has he broke up with me now and not before? I don’t know whether to buy the commitment reason although I do feel he has always had commitment issues due to his past - I have always felt like he planned his future but I was just there for the ride, he never wanted to guarantee anything, it was always “if we stay happy” whenever I mentioned anything far future related
  8. @Wiseman2thank you for replying. We’re both 21 so I completely get the whole wanting to make the most of your youth and spending time with friends, which I always let him do without complaint (unless it meant he was hardly seeing me) and coming back at 3am. I think you’re probably right, I don’t think he wants to face growing up and thinking about committing to someone but I just wonder why did he wait 3 years to break the news and why now… he is able to carry on with his antics and go out drinking, although I believe he’s hurting too I don’t think he is half as much as I am
  9. My (now ex) boyfriend and I had an argument, which to me felt minor. For days following this, my boyfriend was being cold with me. I found this strange and had a feeling there was more to it. I drove to his to speak to him, otherwise he would of continued to avoid me. When I got to his, my boyfriend said he needed “space” and “to think about things”. He said he isn’t sure whether we are compatible and how we have different interests. This came out of nowhere, we had been together for 3 years and suddenly we were on the verge of breaking up. He said he didn’t know whether this relationship was right… I said deep down you know what’s right and I can’t wait for you to decide whether you want to be with me or not because it’s not fair on me, so, let’s go our separate ways. he said he didn’t want to upset me, which to me implies he has been thinking about breaking up with me. I have spoke to him since and he has gave me multiple reasons: you want commitment and I don’t think this relationship has been good enough for me to think that it could work for long-term, I don’t think we would stay happy and healthy, we have different interests - when I ask what interests he can’t back it up, you want commitment and I’m not ready for that. I can only assume this is because he is a big extrovert and a socialite, whereas, I am introverted but we were like best friends and had a great relationship. I’m not a big drinker whereas he often goes out drinking. I just don’t see the enjoyment in going out drinking and coming in at 3am multiple times a week - he would get back from work and then go out. My point is, I’m really hurt and I don’t understand how this has all stemmed from a minor argument. he was my best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, last week we were talking about going away for my birthday, today we are cut from each other’s lives like I never mattered - I just don’t understand why this has suddenly happened and my ex’s reasons all seem to vary. An outsider’s perspective would be appreciated.
  10. I’m going to try and keep this brief and would appreciate some advice. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed although I do have anxiety, I am an anxious person but I am taking medication to help this. However, lately I just have no energy. I feel drained, flat and I don’t feel excited about anything. I’m on my final nursing placement which is 37.5 hours a week and university work on top of this whilst trying to look after myself, make sure I eat healthy and I’m trying to get back into exercising. I feel like there isn’t enough time to do anything. I get home from placement and need to do uni work but I’m so tired I just want to have a bath and spend the rest of the day curled up in bed, my body is constantly tired. I guess I’m just feeling quite negative and constantly feel like I need to be doing something but feel guilty when I relax, which then leads to me feeling more anxious and tired because I’m constantly stressed out. Any advice?
  11. That’s some really good advice, thank you. He did say to me that he started talking to her because otherwise he “knew him and I would be going around in circles”, it’s just hard because I thought he loved me but he went and had sex with someone else so soon after a 2 year relationship. Sex is special to me, he just said how “it happens, it’s just another body part” - he doesn’t think of it like I do, clearly. He does seem to be commiting to her on some level though which is what I don’t understand.
  12. Thank you Holly. I want to be able to love myself again, this has made me feel so insecure. I just feel like he’s picked her over me, it makes me wonder what she has that I don’t.
  13. I just feel like I’ll never understand. I can’t stop thinking about it either, I’m finding it so hard to move on knowing he could just drop me like that. I don’t understand how he can move on so fast too.
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