Need some advice in my relationship

I don't really like asking for help about my relationship problems to people as I feel they don't really care but this is a whole website dedicated to this so no better place then here to ask for advice.

My story is I have been in this "relationship" with this female for about 4 months. I use quotes when I say relationship because we aren't technically dating. We are in no means friends of course, we do all the couple things you can think of besides sex (a little too young for that but my sex life is beside the point). The reason we aren't official is because she doesn't like labels, weird I know. I respected this decisions because I felt just being with her in a romantic relationship was good enough. We are quite compatible with each other when it comes to our interests, dislikes, and way of thinking. She is great fun and probably the best "girlfriend" I've ever had. Too make the long story short, we aren't perfect. She has a lot of personal issues that make her cold and distant to people close to her, including me. There have been times she has straight up left me or ignored me. She has also told me that she is afraid that she may never be able to love me.

My friends tell me that even though she is a great person that she isn't worth the heartache of dealing with, especially due to the fact that she would accept that we are a couple and the being cold and distant thing. I want to be with her and I can see a future with her but there are times I wonder why I'm still around. I would really appreciate some sound advice on what to do, if you need more information please feel free to contact me. There is a lot that I left out because I know the normal attention span is only 10 minutes long and I would prefer if people actually read what I wrote. Thank you and I hope you don't ever find yourself in my situation.

I don't really like asking for help about my relationship problems to people as I feel they don't really care but this is a whole website dedicated to this so no better place then here to ask for advice.

 

My story is I have been in this "relationship" with this female for about 4 months. I use quotes when I say relationship because we aren't technically dating. We are in no means friends of course, we do all the couple things you can think of besides sex (a little too young for that but my sex life is beside the point). The reason we aren't official is because she doesn't like labels, weird I know. I respected this decisions because I felt just being with her in a romantic relationship was good enough. We are quite compatible with each other when it comes to our interests, dislikes, and way of thinking. She is great fun and probably the best "girlfriend" I've ever had. Too make the long story short, we aren't perfect. She has a lot of personal issues that make her cold and distant to people close to her, including me. There have been times she has straight up left me or ignored me. She has also told me that she is afraid that she may never be able to love me.

 

My friends tell me that even though she is a great person that she isn't worth the heartache of dealing with, especially due to the fact that she would accept that we are a couple and the being cold and distant thing. I want to be with her and I can see a future with her but there are times I wonder why I'm still around. I would really appreciate some sound advice on what to do, if you need more information please feel free to contact me. There is a lot that I left out because I know the normal attention span is only 10 minutes long and I would prefer if people actually read what I wrote. Thank you and I hope you don't ever find yourself in my situation.

Your friends are right, she isn't worth it. I have been w/ a few guys who were hot/cold, this was an emotional rollercoaster I wouldn't want anyone else to go through. Healthy relationships need consistency. When I dated a guy long distance, he was hot/cold, that was very hard to deal w/and now I found a guy who is consistent and that makes a world of difference. She will never love you as anyone who makes excuses means they don't want you. RUN, don't walk.

Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot to me knowing that you care enough to help. The problem is that I'm in love with her and I feel if I leave it might hurt me more then it will hurt her.

Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot to me knowing that you care enough to help. The problem is that I'm in love with her and I feel if I leave it might hurt me more then it will hurt her.

It will. But it will also hurt a lot more to stick around, fall further in love with her, and her slowly pull away from you or start seeing someone else. That's the inevitable ending here, if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend.

Thank you so much for your advice, It isn't that she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, its the label of a "girlfriend" that she doesn't like. I asked her about it once an she said that she would "take the bullet" of having a label. She talks about a future with me and it sounds real. Great name by the way (fellow canuck)

I dont like the gf label either. But thats not the issue here.

The issue is she is avoiding having an emotionally intimate connection with you, and at 4 months, you are committed to her as if you two are ready to talk marriage.

slow down. think of love as an investment. why would you invest where it appears likely you aill get a very poor refurn for your investment? Perhaps her distance is comfortable for you, by making her the issue and protecting yourself from having to be more exposed.

google "intimacy avoidant in romantic relationships". your pattern is classic.

How old are you guys? If you're young then I think this may be down to inexperience on both sides.

You could try and talk to her about it, certainly about how her behaviour makes you feel. You have the right to set boundaries.

I do think people around here are overly quick to diagnose conditions...There are all sorts of reasons people might be distant, the question is, are her reasons understandable (maybe she's anxious), are they reasons/behaviours that you can work through together without you losing yourself (and with you staying happy) and do you want to take this further...

I have been in this "relationship" with this female for about 4 months.

I can only speak for myself, and I wouldn't stick around for anyone who'd require quotes around the word 'relationship'. Either I'm in one, or I'm not. If I'm not, then I'd tell this girl that I adore her and can picture the two of us together in the future, but I'm relationship material. If she ever decides that she'sd like to pursue a relationship with me--label and all--then she can let me know. Otherwise, I wish her the best, but I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another.

That's your percentage play. You've burned no bridges, you've left the door open for what you want, but you've walked away from the limbo that you don't want.

Head high.

Thank you so much for your advice

Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot to me knowing that you care enough to help. The problem is that I'm in love with her and I feel if I leave it might hurt me more then it will hurt her.

You will be hurt no matter what, but if you walk away the hurt will be less and you will have a chance to find a girl who also loves you back. You can like/love a person as much as you want, but that doesn't mean they will have the same feelings. Staying w/her is not going to change her feelings towards you.