Any other survivors here of childhood sexual abuse?

Hi everyone. I was sexually abused from the ages of about 5 - 8 years old. I am now in my 30s. It was my older cousin who used to touch me and get me to touch him. The most devastating part is that I felt I had to hide all this from my parents and family and I felt so disgusting and that they would be so ashamed of me. I knew even from that your age that my parents would not support me emotionally if I were to open up to them about it. I knew they would sweep it all under the carpet at best or at worst make me feel blamed in some way.

My parent were always emotionally absent and feelings were just not talked about. I learnt from a young age not to talk about emotions or open up and be vulnerable as I was always shut down in some way by them either changing the subject, refusing to listen or literally getting up and walking away. They are very close to my aunt and uncle (my cousin's parents) and I never want them to find out about it. However, I have always felt isolated from family my whole life because of this huge secret. I always hid who I truly am from the world. I go to therapy which is very helpful but just wanted to hear some other people's stories.

Can anyone else relate? How has your life and family relationships been affected by your childhood abuse?

Thanks,

Annie

I've not been abused but I can tell you that if a male cousin did that to me, I would go to him now and kick him in the junk.

I'm so sorry you had that happen to you and not have the support from your family that all children should expect and receive. I'm so glad you are in therapy to help you come to terms with it all.

E-hugs to you.

I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child and I hid it from my parents. I was so young I assumed that I had done something wrong. By the time I was old enough to understand what happened I didn't want to tell my parents because I didn't want them to feel guilty. They still don't know. I'm in my 30s now and I don't see any reason to tell them. Although I wish I had when I was younger.

I don't think of it as hiding a part of myself. I think of it as hiding something that happened to me. Those times and actions don't define who I am. I also don't feel isolated because my family does know. Just my chosen family... not my biological one. I don't think I could handle it if I had to be around my abuser at family functions. That would be super hard. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Do you have people you share this with outside of therapy? I've found friends and partners to be people who help me feel less alone because for a long time I did feel very alone in it.

Yes, I am.

Yes, I am , by an adult relative. I am very vocal in support of other survivors. My family, most know. I have had extensive therapy. I still have lingering PTSD but am pretty resilient. It has made me far more empathetic and empathic than I would have been otherwise.

I can totally relate. The same thing happened to me by a cousin. I never planned to tell my parents, but a guy I was dating encouraged me to. I didn't fully want to, there's so much shame in this and also I didn't want them to feel bad, but I told them. I also learned that my cousin had been sexually abused when in foster care. So I can kind of forgive him, though as an adult he asked if he could have sex with me and I really don't like to be around him. The person I want to tell is his mother, who treated him so badly and doesn't know how her actions set off a chain of reactions that messed me up. For the most part, I try not to let it define me. I think of how I feel about hearing of other innocent kids getting molested and I would never blame them for what happened to them.

I'm sorry you're going through this. If you need to tell your family, tell them. They should not blame you. If you need to do this for your healing, then please do. You shouldn't have to bear this burden alone.

Thanks for sharing your story. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, exactly the same ages as you. I could also never open up or trust my parents to back me. I decided to open up when I was about 25 (I'm 33 now). I'm now training as a music therapist. You sound so strong and amazing and I'm sorry you've had to go through this on your own. You are not alone and huge kudos for going to therapy. Big hugs.