need some advice! in love with my ex's best friend!

Hi guys! I made this account specifically for this problem! I could really use any advice you would want to throw my way!

About six months back, I started seeing this guy, (let's call him Bob). Anyway, between me and Bob it was never really anything serious. He came over to my place regularly, and I went over to his, but apart from that, nothing. He was never formally my boyfriend, and we never went on any real date. He's what you could call a player. This lasted for about three months, and then we simply stopped talking, which was fine by me because, as I said earlier, he wasn't my boyfriend.

This summer, however, Bob and I both found ourselves in Europe. One drunken night, he called me over to his hotel and I obliged. We hooked up there, even though it wasn't our first time hooking up. Bob was there in Italy with his friends, and I ran into one of them while I was there, (let's call him Adam). Adam and I started talking, and I started to really like him. We like both of the same things and have a ton in common. After about a month of me and Adam talking, he asked me to tell him the truth about Bob, which I did.

I told him EVERYTHING. From out nights together to that last drunken hook up in Europe. Adam told me that he didn't know it had been that serious, to what I told him that it really hadn't! He was still hesitant, and I told him that if he wanted to stop talking with me, he could. But he didn't. He invited me out on a date where we watched a soccer game, and it was honestly the best date I have ever been on. Better than with Bob. We still talk every single day, and I have a wedding this weekend, too which I invited Adam. I really want to start dating him, I like him a lot. I know he likes me too, given the fact that we have talked every single day. What can I do? He says he feels weird because Bob is one of his best friends, but I want to show him that I'm worth it! Any thoughts?

I can see his POV, since I would never date a friend's ex, even if they were FWBs. And now that you've given him all the details of your sex life with your ex, it's going to be hard for him to get that out of his brain.

When you have to convince someone to be with you, it's not the right relationship for you. I'd tell him: Since you feel uncomfortable, I understand. Forget about the wedding invite and it's better if we go no contact.

There are many cute, fun guys out there. Find one who doesn't put on the brakes about being with you.

I am currently living with one of my ex's best friends. After my ex and I split I was single for about 8 months and I ran into her friend (current gf, future wife but she doesn't know that yet shhhh) at a gas station on crutches...her and i had always been friendly so I saw her trying to make coffee with one hand, said hi and helped her out and started talking...we slowly started falling for each other and kept it a secret for a while, when we knew it was going to be something serious we opted to tell everyone....i got in touch with my ex and told her everything, TRUTHFULLY...probably the hardest and most pants ****ing inducing moment in my life.

She was obviously upset (we were together for 3 years) but she appreciated the honesty and got over it (we split amicably, both wanted out, weren't happy)...we dont talk at all anymore (not one to keep in touch with exes anyway, never really a good idea) but it cleared the air, life went on, and shes with someone new now and they seem happy...if you see potential and you aren't just living on the thrill of doing something that might not be the best idea, then I say tell your ex before he finds out through the grapevine because that will be worse....he may take it well or not but you or Adam gotta let him know....plus, as you said, it was just a hookup....I'm 30, i just went to a wedding of a former hookup from college and one of my friends....i knew what it was, she knew, and he knew....as long as everyone is on the same page it should work out, at least it did for everyone on my end

hope the perspective helps make a decision, if you wanna pm me and talk about it feel free

Take the bull by the horns. Approach Bob directly and ask for his explicit blessing.

Also, I don't want to really even mention it, but there could be another problem. This could be less about Adams loyalty for Bob and more about his own internal insecurities or feelings about being with someone who Bob left behind.

Thanks to everyone for the advice!

I really don't like the whole behind-his-best friends back thing that's going on. To me, that would show a lack of loyalty to his friend.

I don't like that you're so willing to go for it too. If it wasn't that serious, then you both should get Bob's blessing.