How do I stop being taken advantage of?

Sorry if this is too long!

 

 

Okay, here goes. I am very successful thirty something male. I have a few good friends, a nice house, good job, and generally an okay guy. I'm a businessman, but I also have a sense of fair play. Meaning, I often am very generous

 

of my time and money to friends/family. I'll pickup the tab, try to do nice things for people. Also, I tend to be a very polarizing person. People either really love me, or seem to absolutely hate me. Not sure why, it's just the way

 

I am. I have my strengths and weaknesses like every other person. Now, I should also mention that I am the proud season ticket holder of a very successful sports team. A team where there's a huge following, and tickets are

 

worth a small fortune. I never made a cent off my tickets in the entire time I've had them, which puts me in a small minority. People that know me definitely appreciate my resources, and, most understand that they're going

 

an amazing value. Anyway, my buddy and I split the tickets, and this year he asked me if he could start selling his half for closer to market value. I said no problem as he's a great guy and never would take advantage of me.

 

 

Now, I got to know an individual who cleans my rugs as he's done so over the same period of time. And, over time, kind of struck up a bit of friendship, and, when I had games that were less desirable, I'd ask if he'd like to buy them

 

at cost. He obliged on many occasions. Last year, he started to trying to up sell me though. For example, in lieu of PAYING me for my tickets, he'd offer to come back for "mini cleanings" a couple weeks after I'd just had them all cleaned,

 

something I totally didn't need at all. Look, I get it - he figured he'd ask and use a commodity he knows well. I get that part. Or, offering to do cleanings behind his employers back. Again, I get it. Now, I absolutely despise conflict and

 

often go to great lengths to avoid it. But, after he kept trying to skate around paying me by offering things I really didn't need, it started to become grating on my nerves. He's not a bad person for taking advantage of a good deal, it's

 

probably my fault and my personality flaws for letting him keep taking an inch. Finally, I had to say to him: "I don't need this. I just want my money!" He backed down and said okay. Fast forward to a couple months ago and he's been fired

 

from his previous job and now is a manager for a retail store. He asks if I'm willing to trade x number of cleanings for 3 pairs of tickets. Without thinking about it (another fault of mine) - I said okay, but I could only offer the lowest tier

 

of my seats (there's multiple tiers of games depending on the desirability and other factors. ) in trade. I also mentioned, as I had before, that I couldn't commit to any games until closer to the season because my friend and I need time

 

to figure out which ones we plan to attend, who we're going with, and which ones we can safely part with. They're our tickets! This year, he started pushing me to let him know which were available very early because he said he needed

 

several months notice at his new job to get the day off! Also, he couldn't take any night games or ones around the holidays as he works retail, and odd hours. Again, I reminded him that I didn't want to commit yet because my friend and

 

had not yet been able to finalize our plans. After some more talk, he kind of seemed a bit upset as he raised his voice to let me know that he "may not be able to attend the games I was willing to part with." It was like he was implying

 

I wasn't living up to my half of the deal, only willing to part with games he couldn't attend. I let him know that my friend and I pick the games we want to go to, and, sometimes we use ALL our seats, and we're not yet in position to

 

agree to anything. And, we certainly can't part with any of the highest tiered tickets as those are the most desirable of all. He then said something like "well, I could pick one of those and maybe throw in some rug pads" - something

 

I could just go buy for 20$! To me that's ridiculous, because I can just go buy the item, and it's not nearly enough to sway me into parting with something incredibly valuable and desirable. I feel very annoyed by this.

 

 

Anyways, we finally agree on a couple pairs in the middle tier, and, it starts to stew inside me. He's still charging me the same rate as he was when he was employed, so no longer splitting the money with his employer or paying taxes.

 

And, I'm trading fairly desirable tickets at cost, which is unheard of where I live, where 2-8x face is the "market value." Essentially, it's a really good deal for him, but not so swell for me. This continues to bother me, and I don't think

 

he really did anything wrong per se. I am just mad at myself for allowing myself to be backed into a corner and not standing up for myself.... Again. I know he's a good person and I like him, but... my buddy sold his tickets to the same

 

games and made himself 2k. I am jealous, as who can pass on 2k? I start to really regret my arrangement, which is turning more and more one-sided. I decided I couldn't part with the tickets and I'd just pay him for rug cleanings performed,

 

and, sell off my tickets for something much more desirable. But, I feel guilty because I consider myself a standup guy and a man of my word. I just think people smell my weakness and fear of conflict and ply me

Well, when you say something, you have to have the boundaries in place to mean it. After you told him that you couldn't tell him what tickets he could have yet, you should have closed down any further conversation by telling him that you would call him with what was left after you picked and if any of them were during times he could get off work then they were his and if he couldn't then you would be selling them to anyone who wanted to pay the price.

 

That's water under the bridge now and since you are a man of your word, forget about any of it and just stick to your work in the future. Work to be able to say "no" when a "no" is warranted.

 

Also, let being jealous go. You either are okay with only getting face value or you're not. If you're not, then address that next time and simply tell him that you're not in a position to trade services for the tickets anymore and then tell him you're letting them go for (insert your price here). Quickly shut down any of his attempts to renegotiate by telling him a simple "no, sorry that's the deal."

Thank you. And, I have admitted to myself that I do indeed want to make some profit. Everyone else seems to. Friends and family go to the games with me obviously would either go for free or at most, cost.

 

There's ominous signs that I will likely need to switch jobs soon due to a recent change of ownership at my company, so I might be unemployed for a couple months. I would regret looking back

 

at this situation and wishing I had made some money to help offset my bills. I could easily make ~4k this year on my tickets, in the next hour, if I chose to list them.

Do you think I'm a bad person who reneging on my arrangement to him?

 

I just refunded the money and wrote him a polite letter with the check. I was too bashful to just call him on the phone.

This carpet man is not as nice as you think he is , you don't need to defend him to us , he is using you as much as he possibly can and somewhere along the way he forgot

you are doing him the favour and started making demands ...what a cheek ...mate honestly he is not as sparkly as you think he is .

 

Make yourself a couple of quid , you aren't going to rip anyone off , that much is obvious , but put yourself first , it is still doing people a favour and you seem to have forgotten that bit .

Do you think I'm a bad person who reneging on my arrangement to him?

I didn't realize that you had reneged on the terms until you posted that you had ^^^ here. No, I don't think you're a bad person. I just think you are a person that realized that you could do better then what he was pushing you for and so you've changed your mind. He's likely be pissed but that shouldn't be your worry. You owe him nothing other then his money back. Which you have done.

 

I just refunded the money and wrote him a polite letter with the check. I was too bashful to just call him on the phone. be interesting how he responds. Don't let him intimidate you into changing your mind again.

 

I will add that taking advantage of people that can't get tickets due to ticket bots and ticket agencies grabbing them all up isn't cool either... I'd think that if you are the nice guy you say you are that you wouldn't take total advantage of people that can't get tickets at face value through normal channels. Let your conscience guide you accordingly. Making a profit is one thing, making a killing is quite another.

Oh, I agree. I just didn't want to make it sound like he was this terrible person, because he's not. I try to see both sides of it.

 

I like to do nice things for people, but I also need to look out for myself, first and foremost. Essentially, I am usually to nicer to others than they are to me.

I think that you should get out of this ticket business. Problem solved.

 

I would also stop picking up the tab, so much. This is how one gets taken advantage of, but it also appears as if you don't value yourself. More or less, it should be 50/50. it makes me super uncomfortable when I feel as if someone is trying to buy my friendship.

I don't pickup the tab for strangers. But, you're right. I will stop picking up the tab going forward and see if it comes back around.

True friends do not allow another to pick up the tab all the time. They would insist on it being reciprocal.