I need to know how to move on

We've been broken up for almost 9 weeks and I just feel like I'm not any better. I have been hoping to get back together but I just feel like it's not going to happen. I also know that even if he does come back I shouldn't take him back, I deserve better, but it's not that easy.

We were together for 3 and a half years and had a great relationship - we rarely fought and when we did it wasn't yelling or mean it was discussing our problems, we had all kinds of inside jokes, we had our future planned, I loved him so much and I thought we would be together forever.

We broke up on March 25 after a seemingly small fight, it seemed to me to be completely out of the blue, and I spent the next 6 weeks trying to be friends, trying to fix it, collecting his mail (we lived together but he's living abroad for a year), defending him to people ect. He had said he wanted to be friends and would be sad if we couldn't talk anymore and he missed me but he didn't love me anymore and didn't regret his decision.

I went no contact after 6 weeks and thought about it for a week and a half and realized it wasn't making sense. I called him on Friday to say that I couldn't just be friends with him and to only contact me if he changed his mind. I also wanted to just clear up some confusion I'd been having. It was then I found that he had been having an emotional affair for 2 months before he broke up with me and the reason he broke up with me was to be with her. Within 2 hours after breaking up with me he had messaged her to let her know that he was now single and they became a couple within a week of that. So for two months he cheated on me, then broke up with me, and then for 2 more months took advantage of me.

Now he's leaving school (he was doing his PhD) and is staying there to be with her.

I was so mad at him for the first day but then just got sad. It's so hard because I can't even just cut him out of my life because we still have the apartment together and all his stuff is here. He's coming back for two weeks in July to get his stuff so I still have to keep it and be in contact with him until then.

Me him and the girl and the only people who know the real reason he broke up with me - everyone else just thinks he was unhappy. I want to email his family (who I got along with really well and who really liked me) and tell them how terrible he is. I want to tell him I don't care, come back next week and pick up your stuff I'm not storing it for you anymore. Part of me is still hoping we can get back together though, and I feel like being mean will make it less likely. I know that's stupid and I shouldn't care, I shouldn't want to take him back together anyways but I don't know how to turn it off. I am also trying to think in 5 years, will I feel bad if I was mean to him? I don't want to give up on us yet as pathetic as I know that is...

I just feel like it's been almost 9 weeks and I'm not getting better, I still cry every day and I still want to call him and beg him to change his mind. Now that I know the truth I don't think it can get better, I just need to move on, but I don't know how.

Don't tell the family. You will look ridiculous. You can share with friends, though.

I would tell him to have his family or friends to get his stuff out of there, You are not a storage facility, and should not be obligated to hang on to his stuff. Get the ball rolling.

We've been broken up for almost 9 weeks and I just feel like I'm not any better. I have been hoping to get back together but I just feel like it's not going to happen. I also know that even if he does come back I shouldn't take him back, I deserve better, but it's not that easy.

 

We were together for 3 and a half years and had a great relationship - we rarely fought and when we did it wasn't yelling or mean it was discussing our problems, we had all kinds of inside jokes, we had our future planned, I loved him so much and I thought we would be together forever.

 

We broke up on March 25 after a seemingly small fight, it seemed to me to be completely out of the blue, and I spent the next 6 weeks trying to be friends, trying to fix it, collecting his mail (we lived together but he's living abroad for a year), defending him to people ect. He had said he wanted to be friends and would be sad if we couldn't talk anymore and he missed me but he didn't love me anymore and didn't regret his decision.

 

I went no contact after 6 weeks and thought about it for a week and a half and realized it wasn't making sense. I called him on Friday to say that I couldn't just be friends with him and to only contact me if he changed his mind. I also wanted to just clear up some confusion I'd been having. It was then I found that he had been having an emotional affair for 2 months before he broke up with me and the reason he broke up with me was to be with her. Within 2 hours after breaking up with me he had messaged her to let her know that he was now single and they became a couple within a week of that. So for two months he cheated on me, then broke up with me, and then for 2 more months took advantage of me.

 

Now he's leaving school (he was doing his PhD) and is staying there to be with her.

 

I was so mad at him for the first day but then just got sad. It's so hard because I can't even just cut him out of my life because we still have the apartment together and all his stuff is here. He's coming back for two weeks in July to get his stuff so I still have to keep it and be in contact with him until then.

 

Me him and the girl and the only people who know the real reason he broke up with me - everyone else just thinks he was unhappy. I want to email his family (who I got along with really well and who really liked me) and tell them how terrible he is. I want to tell him I don't care, come back next week and pick up your stuff I'm not storing it for you anymore. Part of me is still hoping we can get back together though, and I feel like being mean will make it less likely. I know that's stupid and I shouldn't care, I shouldn't want to take him back together anyways but I don't know how to turn it off. I am also trying to think in 5 years, will I feel bad if I was mean to him? I don't want to give up on us yet as pathetic as I know that is...

 

I just feel like it's been almost 9 weeks and I'm not getting better, I still cry every day and I still want to call him and beg him to change his mind. Now that I know the truth I don't think it can get better, I just need to move on, but I don't know how.

I know how you feel, believe me.

I have not been able to make any progress either... my ex-fiance (5yrs) left me on this day as well. Please read my story

Please know that you are not facing this alone. It was good that you reached out and said to not be friends, especially when he had this fling of his lined up... how awful. You definitely don't want him back, since he emotionally cheated on you.

Also resist the urge to reach out and tell everyone how terrible he is. The truth will eventually come out and people will know what type of person he is. If they still believe he is a good person, then perhaps you don't need those people in your life.

If you want to talk, PM me.

"I want to email his family (who I got along with really well and who really liked me) and tell them how terrible he is."

Please don't do this, I can assure you you'll regret if you do so and it'll be crating unecessary drama when what you need is to detach yourself to the maximum from him.

I'm very sorry this happened. It's awful to feel left for someone else and I can totally understand your anger and sadness. However there's nothing you can do about what happened or his actions and decisions. You can only control yourself.

I'd suggest full NC, blocking all social media to prevent snooping into his relationship and hang on to your friends. When he comes back you deal with the apartment stuff together and all that and when that time comes if you commit to NC and trying to heal, you'll feel much better and in a much better position to handle the "business" you still have with him.

Don't tell the family. You will look ridiculous. You can share with friends, though.

 

I would tell him to have his family or friends to get his stuff out of there, You are not a storage facility, and should not be obligated to hang on to his stuff. Get the ball rolling.

I also fully agree with this.

His family will always pick his side and you'll look petty and the crazy vengeful girlfriend who couldn't accept the break up. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh and I totally understand that you're feeling this way, but this is the truth... this is how family and friends see the ex girlfriend who does stuff like this.

I also agree with him having family or friends getting his stuff out of there, if possible before he comes back. His stuff must go out of the apartment as fast as possible.

Thank you for your reply! I think you're right... I just want him to hurt like I do, I know it's ridiculous.

He said he would have his parents come and take his stuff if I wanted But I don't want to have to sit here with them while they pack all his stuff up (I'm not going to pack it up for him) I wouldn't be comfortable with them going through our bedroom stuff and such.

Thank you for reading this and replying! I know you guys are right, it's hard to know that I'm so upset and he's off having a swell time with the girl he's left me for. I just want him to feel bad too you know?

He did say he could have his parents come pick up his stuff but I don't want them going through our stuff and packing his stuff up and having to be here with them. Additionally, because we lived together half of my furniture would be gone. I have deleted him off facebook and deleted all his contact info from my phone so I won't contact him in a moment of weakness.

Remember that each of us has layers of experience. We may enjoy someone while inside we feel ambivalence, shame, etc. We don't know what our exes feel in their private thoughts.

Remember that each of us has layers of experience. We may enjoy someone while inside we feel ambivalence, shame, etc. We don't know what our exes feel in their private thoughts.

And wondering or trying to figure out what are their private thoughts is impossible and not worth it... it only hurts us more. We'll never know, that's why it's important to try to move on regardless of that.

Thank you for your reply! I think you're right... I just want him to hurt like I do, I know it's ridiculous.

 

He said he would have his parents come and take his stuff if I wanted But I don't want to have to sit here with them while they pack all his stuff up (I'm not going to pack it up for him) I wouldn't be comfortable with them going through our bedroom stuff and such.

You are creating drama. Pack up the stuff and ask them to move it. It sounds like you want a showdown with this creep. Be better than that, as you are only harming yourself.

Hang in there. It's best to refrain from saying something you'll regret. It'll pass. It's good to get your thoughts out in this forum.