Trying to better myself, need advice on how to get over the wall

I'l try to make this as short as possible without writing a book! Thanks in advance to all who will read this and give me there imput. First off I'm 35 and male, I was never good in school. I could never grasp the subjects especially maths, I hated school, on top of it all I was bullied both in school and outside it.

I was bullied for being different (quiet, more interested in reading animal books than kicking a ball against a wall for hours) the bullying was emotional and physical, I still have the physical scars to this day.

All I wanted to do when I was at school was to get home, because of the bullying and lack of interest in what the other boys did I guess I was a semi loaner if there is a such thing?

Age 17 I dropped out of school and worked low paid jobs as I felt I didnt deserve any better, this was who I was and how could I ever achieve any better, I wasnt full of self pity but just saw it as a reality (I also suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 18)

Bullying aside part of my lack of results in school was not grasping stuff, as I said I read lots of animal books and at 12 I could name the scientific names for an awful lot of animals and the knowledge I had was vast for any 12 year old but I had to read and read the same peice over and over before it made sense. I could read a line of a book and think its a miss print because it doesnt make sense, Id be like "how did that word get in there" only to feel like a fool when I realise I was reading it wrong.

I recently wondered if I was dyslexic? Even reading a novel I have to re-read a paragraph over and over.

If your still reading this brings me to today, I finally built up my courage and to realise I'm worth more and I can achieve my dream of having a career. I enrolled in college to get a qualification that will get me into a job with prospects.

I never worked so hard at anything in my life to make this happen but I'm hitting a brick wall. I'm failing my assesments and exams, its like I never even attended a class. I read and read, do visual maps, take lots of notes, soak in every bit of info I can and its like my head is empty.

I could spend hours a day studying with breaks and fresh air and know very little to noting for all my effort, this in turn is causing me to panic, fall into depression and get very stressed.

Its like my last shot at been able to make something of myself is going down the drain.

If I was able to soak up and know complex stuff from my animal books at 12 why cant I do the same now? I want to and I'm trying very hard.

Please if anyone has any advice or can tell me where I'm going wrong? I really want to make this work.

Thanks.

i would really get evaluated for learning disabilities. maybe it's something that improves with medication.

you may have hyperfocused on animal books as a child. it isn't unusual in some learning difficulties.

ow do you read the material? after reading a chapter, for example, can you explain what you have read?

what note taking and revision methods do you use?

do you feel focused when you are studying?

Success is not and has never been about college or books. In fact, what defines successful people is that they focus on what they are actually good at and get others to do things for them that they are bad at. In other words, successful people don't waste their energy trying to be someone they are not. So this applies to you too. You KNOW that college and books are not for you, BUT that doesn't mean that you are doomed to drifting through low paying jobs.

Find what you are good at. Maybe it's a skilled trade. Maybe you are better at learning when you do it with your hands. Skilled blue collar people make a heck of a lot more money than your run of the mill college graduate nowadays. In fact, there are so few skilled labor people that they are 10 times more in demand, while low level college diplomas are a dime a dozen and aren't even worth the paper they are written on.

If animals fascinate you, become a trainer/breeder or both. Again, there is no college for that. It's a hands on learning deal and it might be right up your alley. More importantly, if you are passionate about it and it makes you happy, you will be successful at it too.

Rainy Coast basically covered what I wanted to say, but I'd like to add some things from the perspective of someone who has worked with LDs in the past and who had to use accommodations in college due to a disability.

I am not an expert in learning disabilities, but I do have experience working with people who have them, and from what you described I would bet that you have one. Unless you're using voice-to-text software, I wouldn't necessarily assume that you have dyslexia; it typically (not always, but usually) presents in writing/typing as well as in reading. My older cousin has a light form of dyslexia and wasn't diagnosed until college, but she mentioned that long words would seem to mix up, which I have heard repeatedly from those with dyslexia. She has to really focus to write anything without mixing up letters, although she has improved significantly with coping skills she learned from a reading tutor.

I highly recommend speaking to your academic advisor and/or your school's Disabilities office to see if they can do testing. This might not be something that takes medication to fix at all, but could instead be a matter of learning skills or using different learning methods. For example, some people find that comprehending a text is much easier if they are listening to it instead of reading it, and others (like my cousin) use a bookmark to make sure they stay on the right line and absorb every word instead of rushing. Whatever the deal is, if you are diagnosed with an LD, you can definitely get help from the school such as audiobooks/readers, extended test periods and assignment due dates, and/or other accommodations. There will be no judgment from the school, and chances are that each class you have has at least one student receiving similar accommodations without realizing it.

Good luck, OP, and if you ever need help with study skills or any research assignments feel free to reach out to me. I'm an academic librarian at a school with a large number of students with learning disabilities, and I'm more than willing to lend a hand.

Thanks so much for the replies, Rainycoast & WombatShadow when I read something especially if its something I have to learn I read a line and my mind starts to wander, I read it again and same thing, I read a paragraph and couldnt answer a question on it, then I see how much more I have to read and learn and panic so I start again, mind wanders and I end up been more focused on what I have to do and fear of failing.

This line of work is really what I want to do, I have knowledge of it, I could do it. Its just the work to get the required bit of paper I'm struggling with. A lot of it is the way stuff is worded, backwards riddles that could be written a lot easier, same for exam questions, backward riddles and trick questions that all start to look the same, then panic and mind fog set it.

Dancingfool I have a skill, I was actually best in my class when learning it, I used help other people with learning it, got my qualification which ended up next to useless as to get a job every place wanted 5 years experience. I offered to display my skills to them but no, 5 years experience was required. That was a vicious cycle for everyone in my class, 5 years experience in the industry needed but no one to take you on to get that 5 years.

when I read something especially if its something I have to learn I read a line and my mind starts to wander, I read it again and same thing, I read a paragraph and couldnt answer a question on it, then I see how much more I have to read and learn and panic so I start again, mind wanders and I end up been more focused on what I have to do and fear of failing.

it has recently been suggested for the second time that i may have adhd. i haven't an official diagnosis yet, but it would make so much sense if that were the case. ironically though, i am on my third master's degree. i realized very early i don't learn like others do, and came up with techniques to survive the educational practices aimed at neurotypicals nevertheless. if you need tips with reading, note taking, revision, organization, feel free to ask, i haz dem lol.

i would suggest also looking up study groups (discussion has helped me more than note-taking or reading), and, even if it sounds so adolescent, study blogs on tumblr (studyblrs). they share links to free mock exams on every and any subject so you can test yourself, links to revision techniques, note taking methods, productivity apps etc. I was introduced to this by a client and spotted some great resources. (but really, the mock exams!!! awesome!!)

i'll be back a lil later with the reading technique description, i highly recommend it.

p.s. i figure ena is lacking a place for learners, students young and old. if you think it would help you stay accountable or to share tips, you could post your educational journey on here too, i bet many people would find that very helpful, and maybe you'd get online study buddies.

Its like my last shot at been able to make something of myself is going down the drain.

First off, this isn't you 'last' chance, so I'd avoid building the unnecessary pressure cooker of perceiving it that way. You're entitled to take your time. I didn't return to finish my degree until age 39, and I didn't complete my master's until my 40's.

You're imposing lone wolf problems on yourself instead of availing yourself of school services that are available to you, which your tuition already covers. Make an appointment with the Dean who enrolled you. Explain the problem and ask about tutoring and study groups, contact info for the school's mental health counselor for an assessment, and your options for changing your schedule or status to opt out of the grading system to complete any courses if you're failing them beyond recovery. This would enable you to finish those classes on an 'audit' so you can absorb what you can while avoiding the grade on your record.

Then you can retake the class(es) AFTER you've audited them once and received study help, and AFTER you've been assessed by a counselor and referred to the right kind of help to learn how to manage and overcome any learning disabilities uncovered by a professional.

You're brave enough to return to school, so be smart enough to avoid isolation and powerlessness. You're not a kid anymore, so you're not at the mercy of others stepping up to help you. Take on the role of your own advocate, and get all the help with school that your tuition--and your taxes--have paid for.

Head high.

Okay i call this the three readings method.

Get thee:

-a blank sheet of paper, or a piece of cardboard

-your textbook

-an erasable pencil

-a highlighter

-something to time yourself. either a watch, an egg timer, The Forest browser extension (or a pomodoro app if you like that), or if you thrive on background noise, a track approximately 20-30 minutes long ( i like this one because there is no talking: )

part one- about five to ten minutes

open your book and divide it into sections. Don't go too big on sections. Five pages is enough. You can even go lower, one page, two pages,...

Give your self five minutes to read that section with speed and attention. Don't try actual speed reading, that is useless. Read at a pace that is quite speedy (like when you open your mail and read quickly but still with the attention it takes to know what it says. Is the bank threatening a foreclosure on your home or is it your doctor inviting you for a colonoscopy?)

bottom line is the pace needs to be such that your attention can't wander, but you can still absorb what the text says.

when the time is up, take your blank sheet of paper and cover the page you have just read. Try to remember what it says. Brain tension, try to remember as much as you can, but don't spend too much time trying to extract it out of memory. If it ain't there, it ain't there.

Part two- about five to ten minutes

remove the sheet of paper, and check the text. How much did you get right? Take your erasable pencil and circle/underline the things you DIDN'T get right. Really use an erasable pencil.

Quickly read the text again, trying to retain those things you didn't before.

When you are done reading, cover the page again.

Part three- about five to ten minutes

try to remember what the page says again, as in the first round.

Uncover your page and check again. How much did you get right?

Highlight the things you still haven't gotten right. (this is why i said to use an erasable pencil in the first round. You may not have gotten a lot of it right this time, but you got more right than in the first round. Had you highlighted before, you'd have had blocks of yellow text now that do nothing to bring your attention to the important parts. You can erase the penciled lines now if you like.)

Read through with speed and attention again.

You know the drill. Cover your notes again.try to remember everything. Uncover and check.

If there are still things you're not getting, you can use post-its or text bubbles on the edge of the page, or if you are going to be taking notes of this text, you can write the stubborn bits down to the side of your notes as cues (this works great with the Cornell method of note taking btw). You can also write them on notes and stick those to your kitchen cupboards or wherever you see them often. You can make a silly song with all the bits you got wrong. You can explain it in interpretative dance to someone with a good sense of humor. Write a mini ten sentence essay about the stuff you got wrong.

We don't learn by forcing stuff into our brain so much as we do by forcing stuff out of memory. Whenever you learn something, you need to make yourself extract it out of your brain. This is why this works.

your track, timer, app will be up by now. you're timing yourself so you don't spend three hours on something that you can do in half an hour or less. this is super important for those of us who struggle with attention. time your breaks too, if you tend to fly off in your head like a space cadet and turn a break into two hours of lost and unaccounted for time.

Success is not and has never been about college or books. In fact, what defines successful people is that they focus on what they are actually good at and get others to do things for them that they are bad at. In other words, successful people don't waste their energy trying to be someone they are not. So this applies to you too. You KNOW that college and books are not for you, BUT that doesn't mean that you are doomed to drifting through low paying jobs.

 

Find what you are good at. Maybe it's a skilled trade. Maybe you are better at learning when you do it with your hands. Skilled blue collar people make a heck of a lot more money than your run of the mill college graduate nowadays. In fact, there are so few skilled labor people that they are 10 times more in demand, while low level college diplomas are a dime a dozen and aren't even worth the paper they are written on.

 

If animals fascinate you, become a trainer/breeder or both. Again, there is no college for that. It's a hands on learning deal and it might be right up your alley. More importantly, if you are passionate about it and it makes you happy, you will be successful at it too.

To the OP - this is more or less what I was thinking reading your original question. Aplogies to DancingFool as this butts in a little.

Hiring is more about suitability, passion and planning. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to get a job in a field you're passionate about and where you're good at it, even the first gig, if you use the right routes. Usually after CV filtering and meeting candidates out of the 10s of applicants, I find that only 2, maybe 3, ever had a chance. It's extremely rare to find all 100+ applicants are slick, suitable, passionate etc. In fact most tend to have none of these traits, particularly suitable work/education history. Most managers I know in different fields say this aswell.

Think about what that means - do something you're good at and you will be one of a handful of useful candidates going into interviews. Competition is meaningless when you follow your passion. Do 'a degree', 'a course' etc for the sake of getting interviews and you will get nowhere. I'm not going to comment on your course's usefulness as, aside from not knowing what it is, it bears no relevance given that you're probably not cut out for academia - even if the course is genuinely useful in a booming industry don't fall into the trap of thinking you will be part of that boom.

Volunteering with animals while doing one of these low paid jobs could be a start. Then move onto paid work. And no need for struggling with stuff that isn't you. Honestly we've all got things we're weak at. If I did a course in business studies instead of my maths degree, thinking it was more useful and as I'd a strong grade in Economics in school, I'd probably have suffered and wound up with one crap job after another unrelated to the degree. Instead I did very well in my degree and was rewarded for any hard work I did - even nowadays where the work is more serious, I can notice the difference it makes to my employability, where most mismatches I've ever worked with got fired or left the industry within 3 years or less.

It is not easy to achieve success ,It has been build by hard work and prayer.

It is not only getting from studies but by you work behavior and thinking,If you want to take your studies go for it but focus on your goal and always think about it and ways to achieve that.

And work for it,regular practicing will help to set your goal as we say experience makes a man perfect.

Build good habits. The small moves you make every day are the stepping stones to your future. It sounds corny but its as true as the sun is in the sky.