Need some encouragement

Hey everyone. I'm having a very poor mental health day. I hardly have anyone to talk to anymore. I've stopped (or tried to refrain from) going to my friends/family. I think they've gotten burned out and I don't want their only association with me to be my constant depression and anxiety. I don't see my therapists anymore because my new job takes place during the same time as their hours. I think that's hurt me. You guys are to some degree all I have left.

I thought getting back to work would be beneficial for me but my mental and emotional state has yet to improve. I still think about suicide often and am very skeptical about my situation improving. Perhaps I should give it more time. I only started a week ago.

I'm not actually suicidal but I fear that I'm inching closer to it every day. I still think about my ex often and it's the main cause of my distress. I'm still in the midst of a career crisis which makes me feel very inadequate. (My new job is a low paying lawn mowing gig; not a career job. It doesn't even pay the bills. I don't want to offend anyone but for an educated person who previously had a much better job with a much higher salary it's very belittling to me. I guess it's better than sitting at home all day thinking about how much my life sucks.) And now I have the added anguish of having growing feelings for my best friend of whom I know I will never be able to be with. And she's pretty much my only friend left (at least that I still hang out with often) and I'm starting to wonder if that relationship is harmful to me right now. She's one or the most important people in my life but sometimes it kills me we can't be together.

I've never been so lonely. I think I really miss having/being with someone just as much as I miss my ex or have these feelings for my friend. I'm trying to learn to be happy on my own but it's just not happening. I'm nowhere near a point where I could even think about dating again. I have so many issues I need to get worked out before I could bring another person into my life.

Anyway I could really use some advise, kind words, really just anything positive you have to offer.

You sound like me at the end of my last relationship, just, everything is bad! (Everything must have been deteriorating for a while and I was ignoring it because I still had the loving partner and then I didn't and I shattered).

Please don't lose heart and don't stand still, contact your friends, and just ask them how they are going, (This way you can maintain the connection without burning them out supporting you, come to us for support). Brainstorm how to improve your work situation long term, challenge yourself to try a new hobby or few, ones that will necessitate interacting with other people who share that interest. Your main aim is to get some social contact in, but if you meet people there who might become friends or your next partner, that is a bonus. Is it possible you can take the occasional half day off so you can still see your therapist? Is it possible/worth looking for a new one who is more accessible?

Jedi hugs!! I am having a low day (week, year, life time) too. It will pass.

I definitely think communicating with other girls would be a great idea for you right now. You don't have to get a new gf, you don't even need to call them official dates. Just casual contact is fine. But you could use a reminder that there are other girls out there, and honestly, they offer a lot of the same great qualities as your ex.

Never give up. You can still win in life. Believe it blindly.

 

Never give up. You can still win in life. Believe it blindly.

What a remarkably beautiful statement!