Depressed College Student

I am so mentally exhausted. I am a third year undergraduate student on the pre-medical track. I have lab three times a week, and spend nearly 30 hours in class, when homework, studying, clubs are involved you'd wonder when I'd have time to even breathe. Sometimes I feel really hopeless, there is nothing for me to look forward to, every weekday is studying and every weekend is studying. I think about giving up all together multiple times a day. Most students get pumped for the weekend, but to me its no different from Monday, I wake up, eat breakfast and study until dinner time and its going on 2 years now. Sophomore and junior year have become a huge blur. Don't get me wrong, I love learning new things, but I feel like Im trading my mental health for all of this.

I don't have any friends at my school, literally no one, I forbid anything bad to happen to me because I'd have no one to turn to. Because of this sometimes I will overwork myself until I'm completely exhausted so I don't have a second to spare to think about how lonely I am, eating alone in the dining hall, seeing other students having fun and enjoying their 20's and I am missing out on everything. I let it all pass me by. I think its to the point when I return to school on breaks, my parents see a difference in me, they see how broke down my academics have gotten me and a lack of social life. I think they've become aware that I have no one and I hate that they realize that because I don't want them to worry. I feel like I've I traded everything to become a doctor, i don't feel like its a mistake I just feel like I don't have a balance, I have no one to talk to when things go wrong, I have no one to tell about my day. I don't know what makes me happy because I've never lived, I never had a life in high school and now in college. If someone even asked me what I like to do for fun I couldn't even answer that, I've honestly been isolated for so long.

I am in a relationship, that is long distance temporarily, but I don't want to be so dependent on one person especially since that person goes through a lot and has went through a lot of traumatic events I tend to be the backbone even though I feel like the weakest link, but sometimes that phone call is the only social interaction I'll get the entire day. And obviously when communication is limited I feel really isolated, but I try not to let it show. So I overwork myself, that is my coping mechanism, there is always something for me to do or to study for.

I wish I had a friend. I've joined multiple clubs, I've made small talk in class, but it never has gotten anywhere. People will actually see me sitting alone and crack jokes about it. My perception of the world has become so skewed, it seems like such a dark and horrid place.

When am I going to live? Im 21 and haven't lived yet.

Reading this makes me want to hug you.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

I think you're suffering from depression or burnout or both. Your emotional health should be your top priority. If you think you're busy now, wait until you actually become a doctor.

I'd seriously consider the possibility of taking a semester off, taking a trip somewhere, spending a few weeks at home - something. Consider therapy and/or medication as possible options as well.

As a doctor, you may find yourself treating depression in your patients. By learning to treat your own depression, you'll have the skills you need to be able to help them, and you'll have a level of empathy and understanding that others may lack.

I've done the multiple degrees thing so I know a little about this... and I know the depression of being the odd one out and trying to cope alone in a stressful academic environment.

The tricky bit is breaking into social circles. Unfortunately, as you're already a good deal into your studies, most people would already have formed their little groups so you'll find it tricky to make new friends. I'm being honest here, I've been there! I'm not even sure I'm the right one to talk to as I'm STILL that way (mid 30's, PhD, one GOOD friend, the rest being mostly online friends).

You need someone/something to distract you from your stresses. I know you're in a long-distance relationship but that's not really the way to go and you're still isolated and alone at the end of the day. How temporarily is it? You need something NOW and I'm not sure I agree with the holiday thing above because you'll still return to emptiness and that will make even the holiday stressful - it will be that anxiety of having nothing to do and then returning to too much to do. If your partner isn't going to be away for long, I'd say just grit your teeth and wait it out... if it's a long, long term distance thing then maybe try online dating. At the very least you'd be chatting to people, going out, and hopefully you'll find someone closer.

The alternative is a distraction - join the gym! - you'll see yourself progress physically, it will fill those empty hours, you might meet people and you'll likely do fairly well as all your stresses will be focused into the iron which will lead to better results!

Study groups really help you accomplish both, you socialize and you learn a lot. This LDR sounds draining get out of that.

Hi!!

I'm in med school now, and I can relate to some of those feelings. It's really hard to find a balance when you have so much school work to worry about. Here's my best advice:

You need to try and find a balance now, because it won't be any easier when you get to school. I'm not sure where you go to school, but is there a corepower yoga studio or orange theory fitness? They are both "studio" workout clubs, so they have a really good sense of community. Also dedicate your time to do some volunteering! Maybe work at a homeless clinic or volunteer at a hospital.

You don't need to spend all of your hours studying. Sometimes it feels like it, but your mental sanity is just as important. Make sure you are eating clean, whole, healthy foods, lots of fruits & veggies, getting enough sleep, staying active, and spending some quality time outdoors. They will help with the depression. Maybe even pick up a self help book from the store, they can help!

If it is really getting you down, you should go talk to someone. Most colleges have free counseling. It never hurts to go talk with someone, and it could definitely help.

Best wishes