thoughts to myself

What bothers me the most, is thinking of her expressing those emotions for someone else, feeling those emotions for someone else, giving her body to someone else. The same ones she gave me, the same ones she gave me that made me feel like I was the only one that could make her feel like that.

she told you that YOU MAKE HER HAPPY.

What if she is dating someone else? How can she do it? Does she intentionally forget about you? How does she rationalize it in her head? How does she come to acceptance of forgetting about me? how does she put aside those feelings if they are obviously so strong?

I want to know, so I can do it. I want to know, so I know where I stand. I want to know, so I can find some hope to hold on to. But what if the new person lasts. What if she gets treated well like she wants to. She will forget about you. And even if you make it back into her life, will it be too late? A few more months away from home, is it too long?

Does my holding onto love for someone who won’t wait make me pathetic? How can I stop idolizing without cutting her out of my life? Why do you want her in your life like this?

Is she looking for new love out of loneliness? Out of boredom? Because she is ready to move on? She says she finally found someone “to replace you” but realized "you can't be replaced." If she realizes that, how does she continue to see him?

Wrote this for myself, but wanted to share. Long distance got in the way. my first, not hers.

The first is the worst.

Staying in contact with her is just hurting you. She's messing with your head, intentionally or otherwise.

You'll never heal if all your focus is on her. Who she dates, who she loves, who she hates -- these things are no longer your concern. Bring your thoughts back to what and who is around you. If you're spending all your time thinking about her, who will be there to take care of you?

There's no instant cure for a broken heart, but setting her free to live her own life is a pretty good start.

real thoughts.

real feelings.

you're in it.

i don't think you want someone else's answers to these questions...and ultimately, any answers you get won't do your feelings justice. you'll find your own answers. your own path through this.

people move on. it happens every single day. no one in this life owes you a thing...ever. that doesn't mean you can't share, and feel...and feel big. it doesn't mean that you can love, and allow yourself to be loved.

i'm coming to accept and understand that we're never really capable of genuine love until we're willing to let it go. until we're not holding on...trying to own. love doesn't seek to possess in any way. it doesn't fear loss. it only wants to express itself...and be open to reciprocation.

this also means...we're open to being wounded. it's the tenderest of all places.

hope can be a guide. but it can also be a tyrant...cutting you off from experiencing your life as it is. a denial of where you are. careful with that one...

One thing I can say with the first part of your thread. I don't know if it's happened to you but it has happened to me. Ever find out your SO is actually with someone else and read what they write that other person? Well for me it was the exact same as what they wrote to me. Yea that took all the special right out of it right away for me.

thank you. I am reflecting on all your words.

wow this is hard. when she tells you her new relationship is what she really needs right now. inside I want it to not last.

hearing her talk about him like she used to about me after knowing him for just 2 weeks. maybe she's unloading all the feelings/emotions on him.

so dumb for asking.

at least I got to say what's on my mind.

it's so hard to study without a clear, even somewhat happy mind.

It's hard to see things from her perpsective when I'm so clouded by my own emotions. I'm sure it's been written so many times on these threads - there is no way to know what someone else is thinking or feeling.... to understand why someone acts the way they do is impossible. or maybe i'm extremely stubborn and just don't believe her she says "she's given up hope for us, this time more than ever"

my lack of experience has me fantasizing and romanticizing what love "is supposed to be like" way too much. life isn't a d*mn movie.

it will be the first time i distance myself for the sake of actually moving on. feels weird. feels scary. I don't like it, she's very special. if it's meant to be it will be, right? like in a movie...

wow this is hard. when she tells you her new relationship is what she really needs right now. inside I want it to not last.

hearing her talk about him like she used to about me after knowing him for just 2 weeks. maybe she's unloading all the feelings/emotions on him.

so dumb for asking.

at least I got to say what's on my mind.

it's so hard to study without a clear, even somewhat happy mind.

 

It's hard to see things from her perpsective when I'm so clouded by my own emotions. I'm sure it's been written so many times on these threads - there is no way to know what someone else is thinking or feeling.... to understand why someone acts the way they do is impossible. or maybe i'm extremely stubborn and just don't believe her she says "she's given up hope for us, this time more than ever"

 

my lack of experience has me fantasizing and romanticizing what love "is supposed to be like" way too much. life isn't a d*mn movie.

 

it will be the first time i distance myself for the sake of actually moving on. feels weird. feels scary. I don't like it, she's very special. if it's meant to be it will be, right? like in a movie...

Hey man I'm right there with you when it comes to coping with your break up. I just found out my ex of 1 year has a new guy already, whether it's a rebound to forget me or not doesn't really matter. It all hurts the same. I've had 3 serious relationships but this is the deepest one I've had and I also am one of those with lack of experience on what is right and what is wrong when it comes to what I should put up with from and ex and/or girlfriend.

Hang in there.

I was a month no contact before I found out that there's a new guy. I had a lot of hope during that month, but now I have to let it all go.

If it's meant to be it will but you have to move forward with your life, because if it's a reconciliation that's meant to happen it most likely will be a year or more down the road. You need to heal.

I wish you the best.

Thanks for sharing

How was the month of no contact? Did you notice yourself think about her less often and with less intensity emotion-wise? I totally understand that even after NC finding out that news is gut wrenching.

I've only had one but this one was deep, for both of us. even she says I'm the best guy she's been with, and she's been dating pretty consistently her entire life.

You hang in there, too!

Thanks for sharing

 

How was the month of no contact? Did you notice yourself think about her less often and with less intensity emotion-wise? I totally understand that even after NC finding out that news is gut wrenching.

 

I've only had one but this one was deep, for both of us. even she says I'm the best guy she's been with, and she's been dating pretty consistently her entire life.

You hang in there, too!

I was doing okay after the 1 month. I wasn't delusional anymore but I still had way too much hope about her coming back to me. I was anxious all the time.

In a sense I am glad I found out about the guy because it forces me now to really look at things rationally and really cut the cord. You never know what's gonna happen but honestly I don't know if I can even take her back now knowing how easily she has jumped into something with a new guy.

If I hadn't broken no contact I would've never known the truth about him so, in a sense, me breaking it was a blessing. A lot of people here will tell you to never ever break NC but in my case I had to in order to get something from her that I needed, and it helped me out in the end....so, take that advise as you will if you do follow NC and get to a point where you must contact her for some reason.

I miss what we had and our memories so much, it all stuff fresh to me, but this news was the straw that broke the camels back for me, and I think everyone reaches this milestone in moving on at some point. In theory I'd love to have her come back. But realistically, not sure it could ever be the same. I have to respect myself more now and move on. Hopefully you can do the same.

I'm still delusional for sure. I was about to explain my rationale for why it could still work despite their being a new guy in the picture, but I decided not to and chalked it up to really holding onto that hope.

Even one of my friend's once told me, "don't you have respect for yourself? why are you letting yourself get strung along like this." perhaps during this no contact period I can get a sense of what it was that makes me hold on so much. Is it true love, attachment, fear of being alone, etc.

Sometimes I fear that if I let go I'll forget about the good times and forget about my love for her. If that happens then I suppose it's not meant to be for me.

Life is so short, it would be nice not to have this drama and heartache.

One thing I know for sure though is that I need time to recoup who I am before I can open up and give myself to another person. A huge part of me is still her. And again, thinking that she didnt need the time is confusing. But she did go through 2 rebounds already with us hanging out in between. Or she has more experience and can more easily accept things as they are. But I'm taking 2 steps backward with these thoughts.

Got to really just move forward, stop thinking about the what ifs.

Thanks for sharing, from all the posts I've read I finally got to hear how the NC period helped you personally instead of how it played out with the relationship.