UPDATE! I broke up with him! what do you think really happened ? Im confused.

I have decided to break up with my ’‘boyfriend’’ I could not stand his erratic behaviour anymore, yesterday he came for his grad, and he messaged on thursday saying ’‘tommorrow im going early cause Im going to close the apartment the student apt he has in my town ( what I understood was that he wanted sex, before closing the apt) so I told him so 'what are we going to do''he replied ’‘ I will see your early around 10:00 am’’. Mind you he did not even say Hi at the beginning of the text.Rude.

So his grad started at 4:00 pm and I thought we were going to see eachother after the grad (I guess not) so I did not understand anything!, since he told me that he just wanted to get it over with the grad (he just wanted his diploma and that’s it) so I said: ’‘ok you text me’’ so at 11:26 AM yesterday he texts me ''im here'' and a few minutes after he calls me and says im here in the ,I just arrived, are you ready? or you need more time and I said 'no am not ready I need time' and he said'' ok in half an hour '' (in his terms its like an hour,he is always late) I said ok and hanged up (I will be honest I did not feel like going out with him,cause I felt he was going to have sex,close the apt, and then I don't know what was going to happen. Plus I did not like the way he texted me on thursday.

The point is that 15 minutes after he called me I texted him saying 'we should see eachother better in the evening' and after that I never got a single response back.time was passing,and it was 1:30 PM already, I got angry so I took my clothes off cause I had decided to go out with him and get it over with. so then I texted him''you know what forget it,dont come,stop wasting my time,ur late. and got nothing back, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. but he should of acted differently.

Sounds like a lot of miscommunication and a hurry up and wait power struggle. Was this supposed to be a date?

Sounds like a lot of miscommunication and a hurry up and wait power struggle. Was this supposed to be a date?

@ wiseman2,what do you mean hurry up and wait power struggle?,Nop we were supposed to see eachother before his grad, like a week ago we had talk about this, he had told me so what are we going to do the friday of my grad,you want us to see each other before in the afternoo, or you want to be there, or after,(Honestly he did not show a lot of interest in his own grad, he told me he just wanted his diploma and leave) And I myself do not like graduations all that jazz. Honestly I believe it was a huge miscommunication as well. But why did he acted that way,I mean I get you needed to give the apartment and close it, so I assume he got a angry rage and acted impulsively. he is bad in communication and I am also bad, and to be honest I did not want to go out, and when he called me, I talked normally like not excited or anything maybe he felt that I was being dry, In my mind I was already preparing myself mentally for a breakup.days before. I always had the impression that his grad day something like was goingto happen, even if I went out with him maybe was going to go down anyway, I guess I assume things too much.

Who broke up with who? Or was it just another argument about his student apt and the hookups? Why were you preparing for a breakup?

to be honest I did not want to go out, and when he called me. I was already preparing myself mentally for a breakup.days before

Who broke up with who? Or was it just another argument about his student apt and the hookups? Why were you preparing for a breakup?[/QI

 

 

@Wiseman2 I don't know exactly why he acted like that or who break up with who, cause as I said, he called me at 11:26 AM and said ''im here I just arrived'' are you ready? or need more time and I replied with I guess a bored/dry voice and said I'm not ready I need more time,and he replied ok so in half an hour il go.and I said ok and hanged up.For example: if he came to pick me up and did not even text me saying ''hey im down here outside your home,,how am I supposed to know,plus he is never exactly on time. the logical thing was to text me and say 'il be in your house in 5 minutes (like he always does) but after he called me at 11:26 AM, I texted him 20 minutes after and said '' 'we should see eachother better in the evening'' I dont know if this is what TRIGGERED him to just dissapear and not reply or call me or anything. so maybe he got mad he is ery impulsive, so then then like at 1:30 pm I GOT angry myself took my clothes off and just texted him saying ''you know what forget it,dont come,stop wasting my time,ur late. an d thats it no mesSage or call from him. I just dont understand if his graduation started at 4:00pm in the afternoon, he should of just snap out of it and come pick me up at the time he said , stop being so inmmature and talk. Honestly this was weird.

 

I was preparing mentally cause I was assuming that he was going to breakup with me. I had a weird feeling, especially him texting me on thursday just saying "tommorrow i'm coming early,cause I need to close the apartment, He did not even say Hi carolinne, as he usually does. it gave the impression as he just wanted to get it over with the grad and was stressed or something.

 

Honestly what do you think, I know from my behalf im over this, but I would like you to tell me what you sensed happened, Cause I hate feeling confused! I like to move on clean headed.

Mind-reading doesn't really go anywhere except lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings, no?

Why is he having to arrange for your transportation when he's got so much on his plate that day? And considering the original plan was "around 10:00," how come you weren't ready by 11:30? I can understand if you needed a second to put your shoes and jacket back on, but not needing to get dressed and everything.

Honestly, the way you tell stories is very convoluted so it's hard to guess what really happened, but it sounds like miscommunication and you not being being understanding of the fact he had plenty going on and may not be able to be punctual with driving you around or responding to your texts. Giving him a break and arranging your own transportation would have probably solved all of this.

Why is he having to arrange for your transportation when he's got so much on his plate that day? And considering the original plan was "around 10:00," how come you weren't ready by 11:30? I can understand if you needed a second to put your shoes and jacket back on, but not needing to get dressed and everything.

 

Honestly, the way you tell stories is very convoluted so it's hard to guess what really happened, but it sounds like miscommunication and you not being being understanding of the fact he had plenty going on and may not be able to be punctual with driving you around or responding to your texts. Giving him a break and arranging your own transportation would have probably solved all of this.

He was picking me up in his own car, his family did not even come to his grad, we both study abroad he has a student apartment here in the town where I live, the university happens to be here as well, but his actual Real apartment is in the city, so he need to come early yesterday to close his student apartment he has here and he wanted to see me before he closed his apartment (I understood that he wanted to have sex,before closing it,and I know it, I have been 3 years with the same routine TRUST ME), yesterday was his last day to give/close the APT.

The problem is that I was not sure if I wanted to go out yesterday with him cause I felt he was taking me for granted (''oh I want to see you before closing the APT) (I knew he wanted and was reffering to sex I'm not dumb),that's why I was not ready when he called, I was thinking ''should I go or not go out with him'' based on my feelings. but he even asked me when he called me, if I was ready or Needed more time and I told him the truth I was not ready (At that time I had just decided to go, so I was not READY,and he said he would come in HALF AN HOUR to give me time to get ready ) I put my clothes on, got ready ,then 20 minutes after talking to him I texted him and said'''we should see eachother better in the evening'' Meaning after the graduation, and I got nothing back,no reply,nothing, time passed by it was already 1:30 PM I got angry, changed to my pijamas and texted him saying"'you know what forget it,dont come,stop wasting my time,ur late'' and that's it, nothing else was said.No reply from him, no call to give an explanation NOTHING. Maybe he planned all this to breakup with me,get it over with this way and just dissapear.This guy is very impulsive. he is like fuel sometimes.

Oh another thing I FORGOT to mention is that a month after his grad now at the end or march he is going back to his hometown in the states, so he was leaving and we had not even talked about what was going to happen with us, our future together.nothing. he was stressed due to his medical residency MATCH, cause does not have the best grades,so this was getting in his way and he has been stressed.

@ j.man

So my question to you is what do you think triggered him to act like this was it me saying ''we should see eachother better in the evening'' when he already had told me we we had to see eachother early because he was closing his apt? still think is miscommunication? plus he did not ask me clearly or straightforward ,would you like to come to the grad with me? he did not!,,,, he just asked me a week ago so what do you want to do, do you want us too see eachother before the graduation, you go there, or see eachother after the grad. honestly he was not very enthusiastic about his own graduation,he just wanted the diploma and that's it, According to him.

So is this the guy who never sees you on weekends and has an apartment you've never been to?

So is this the guy who never sees you on weekends and has an apartment you've never been to?

No, I have seen both of his apartmens and have been to them. the city one I have not gone in a long time tho.

It sounds like this is more of a priority to him right now than a LDR and a lot of relationship conflict and arguing and poor communication. Do you both speak the same native language?

at the end or march he is going back to his hometown in the states, so he was leaving and we had not even talked about what was going to happen with us, our future together.nothing. he was stressed due to his medical residency MATCH.

It sounds like this is more of a priority to him right now than a LDR and a lot of relationship conflict and arguing and poor communication. Do you both speak the same native language?

Ofcourse, well I speak spanish as my first language but I am also very fluent in english! he speaks in english, we both speak english with eachother.

But what do you honestly think happend from readind all the threads? just miscommunication?and he got angry out of nothing or something more?

My theory is that maybe he was planning to break up with me and that's why he dissapeared. even tho it does not make sense entirely.but maybe it was.

he is 37, if you dont want to be with me and you dont ''know'' how to break up, it's better to just text me and thats it hey listen our relationship is not going to work I have to many things going on, etc, super simple and not face to face.

Btw I forgot to mention he suffers from a behavioural disorder called ADHD,believe me its hard on relationships.

It sounds like this is more of a priority to him right now than a LDR and a lot of relationship conflict and arguing and poor communication. Do you both speak the same native language?

I saw many typos in my initial post, so I Reformulated it Here it goes,Perhaps you understand better:

I, guess I broke up with my boyfriend ( 37y/o) I could not stand his erratic behavior anymore. Yesterday he came for his graduation, and he messaged me on Thursday saying that on Friday he was coming early because he was closing his student apartment that he has here where I live.( what I understood was that he wanted sex, before closing the apt, so I assumed that's why he wanted to see me early as well.) so, I text back on Thursday asking him, ''what are we going to do then? and he replied ''I will see your early on Friday around 10:00 am''. So I replied ''OK you text me''. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ''Hi----- I'm coming tomorrow etc etc, so rude.

So it was Friday morning, his grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm in the afternoon, and I assumed we were going to see eachother after the grad (I guess not), since he told me that he just wanted to get it over with the grad, that he just wanted his diploma and that's it. So on Friday, at 11:26 AM, he text me saying ''I'm here'', then he called me and says: I'm here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready? Or you need more time and I said ''no am not ready I need time'' and he said OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always late) I said OK and hanged up.

The point is that 15 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I text him saying ''we should see eachother better in the evening'' (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was cool with him) and after that I never got a single response back from him. Time was passing, and it was 1:30 PM already, I got angry so I took my clothes off and put my pijama back on. So then I text him ''you know what forget it, don't come, stop wasting my time, you are late''. And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing just rude.

I forgot to mention that after his grad, maybe in a month later he is leaving back to the states. And we had not talked about our future in a clear manner. So I don’t know what maked him act this way this past friday, if he was planning it or what, or maybe he did not know what to do with the relationship?

Two things I took from your post: one, you feel like the guy only chooses to see you when he wants sex. No, that's not a relationship then, it's a booty call type scenario. If you don't want that, then don't be that.

The second thing I see is yes, there is very erratic behavior. I couldn't even follow the "let's do this, no now wait, we're gonna do this instead, no wait now I'll be here, uh nope, let's go there."

That would drive me crazy too. I think you broke up for the right reasons, why are you now doubting yourself? If he messes you about and you two can't set a straight set of plans and stick to them outside of major disasters then what's the point?

Also maybe it's just me, but my experience has been that people who generally want me in their life also want me to share in their big moments like graduations or other celebrations. I know I do, so again what you describe wouldn't work for me and if it doesn't work for you, then why do you feel you're wrong for feeling that way? You do know in a relationship you're also supposed to have a voice and be met halfway, right? If you aren't getting that then move on and find someone better suited. I'd have been gone long before now, so while it's natural to second guess oneself maybe now is the time to sit down and really look at the overall picture and where it didn't work. And why you tried to hold on to something so clearly not working to begin with.

Two things I took from your post: one, you feel like the guy only chooses to see you when he wants sex. No, that's not a relationship then, it's a booty call type scenario. If you don't want that, then don't be that.

 

The second thing I see is yes, there is very erratic behavior. I couldn't even follow the "let's do this, no now wait, we're gonna do this instead, no wait now I'll be here, uh nope, let's go there."

 

That would drive me crazy too. I think you broke up for the right reasons, why are you now doubting yourself? If he messes you about and you two can't set a straight set of plans and stick to them outside of major disasters then what's the point?

 

Also maybe it's just me, but my experience has been that people who generally want me in their life also want me to share in their big moments like graduations or other celebrations. I know I do, so again what you describe wouldn't work for me and if it doesn't work for you, then why do you feel you're wrong for feeling that way? You do know in a relationship you're also supposed to have a voice and be met halfway, right? If you aren't getting that then move on and find someone better suited. I'd have been gone long before now, so while it's natural to second guess oneself maybe now is the time to sit down and really look at the overall picture and where it didn't work. And why you tried to hold on to something so clearly not working to begin with.

You are right!!, but honestly, I had no interest in going to his graduation, Believe me he was not ENTHUSIASTIC EITHER at least I perceived it that way!! So imagine that!.So why go. if he would have been clear about it and say directly''Listen I would like you to come with me to the grad'', honestly, I would have gone. but if your being indecisive,I will feel the same exact way. like the rest have said very very POOR communication skills. Plus this is not the only issue, this relationship was a disaster, due to a lack of COMMUNICATION, it is what it is.

Manufacturing chaos is a passive-aggressive way to get out of something you don't want to do but make it look like a misunderstanding or like it's the other person's fault for the miscommunication.

Some tips about miscommunication: Chaos manufacture

I had no interest in going to his graduation. but if your being indecisive,I will feel the same exact way. this relationship was a disaster, due to a lack of COMMUNICATION,.

I'm kinda baffled about how you can call the guy out on indecisiveness when you couldn't even decide if you wanted get out of your jamjams the very morning he was meant to pick you up.

I am struggling to understand. If I can't understand where your coming from, I bet he does not either.

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It sounds like miscommunication and assumptions made on both sides.

As far as not starting a text with "Hi", I don't think I've ever received a text that started that way, and I'm of the older, letter writing, phone calling generation that had salutations and manners drilled into us.

Do, or did, you two ever talk on your phones to clarify plans quickly?

By the way, thank you for re-typing your original post. It was much clearer the second time.

It sounds like miscommunication and assumptions made on both sides.

 

As far as not starting a text with "Hi", I don't think I've ever received a text that started that way, and I'm of the older, letter writing, phone calling generation that had salutations and manners drilled into us.

 

Do, or did, you two ever talk on your phones to clarify plans quickly?

 

By the way, thank you for re-typing your original post. It was much clearer the second time.

@journeynow, You are welcome!, we actually did talk quickly on the phone, First he text me, saying he had arrive, and since he is impatient, 3 minutes after the text message, he called me and said to me'' I'm here I arrived in town, are you ready? or you need more time? and I replied not ready, I need time'' and he replied back: ''OK, so in half an hour'' I said: ''OK'' and I hanged up. after that I decided to go out with him, So I dressed up, got ready, 20 minutes after talking to him on the phone I decided to send him a text message saying: ''we should see eachother better in the evening'' But I did it with the intention to see what he replied back, if it was OK from his behalf,or not, inspite of that I was still willing to go out with him on that moment. I just texted him that to see his reaction, what he said!.

So after I text him that, He completely dissapeared, never texted me back or called me. so AT 1:30 Pm I decided to put my pajamas back on, I knew something was wrong, so almost At 2:00pm, I got angry and text him saying: ''You know what forget it, dont come, stop wasting my time, ur late'' He never text me back or even called. So after all this happened, To me it felt like the relationship was over..