Should I ever reach out?

My ex and I split about 4 days ago.. the first two days I was constantly blowing her up bombarding her with texts and calls and no luck so I just gave up. On the 3rd day I decided to apply the no contact rule not reaching out to her and during that day she reached out to me asking if I can block her because she did not want to see me because it gets her sad. I asked her why and what's wrong then we texted like friends all that day till the night just laughing sharing old memories of what we used to do..

the next day which is today, I started pushing to many questions about us, i stopped talking to her as a friend I wanted answers to why she is talking to other guys, if she really misses me why doesn't she give me another chance, bla h blah blah and her response was "I only talk to other guys not because I'm looking for a relationship but because it gets my mind off you, I'm constantly thinking about you and I want to keep myself busy if I wasn't taking to anybody I would be ruined right now, I don't want to be digging myself into you anymore idk if your ever going to change" ( I used to go out drinking and argue with her everytime I got super drunk, but I've completely stopped drinking, that's what made her break up with me.. there's been to many arguments caused by my drinking habit)

Long story short I was asking way too many questions about us, when the break up is still fresh made me look desperate for her and she just said talking to me makes her sad and mad and she just wasn't feeling like herself. That was the last message she wrote then she went and blocked me once more... I was bombarding her with messages all over again back to square one texting and texting all day until the night but she would not open up my messages anymore she would just leave them unread so I just decided to say "man I just look stupid doing all this.. bye" And haven't messaged her since.

she's given me many chances to quit my alcohol problem but I never went through with it. She would forgive me and get over it but this last alcohol related argument she was fed up and left me. Now her main concern is that if she comes back I'll be good for a while then I'll go back to my old ways. She kept bringing up the fact that she doesn't believe I will change and I will change back to my old ways, that's what's stopping her from coming back..

I feel stupid for even being there for her yesterday when she wanted me to block her because when she seen my page it made her miss me terribly.. I regret being super nice to her and getting attached that led up to today of her going into no contact again..

... Long story short, I've been going to the gym doing everything she's ever wanted me to do when we were together but how can I show her I truly changed?? Do I use the no contact rule and just work on myself in the meantime? And possibly reach out to her in 30 days?

P.s she's still really hurt I was her first love, I took her virginity, and because of that she's told me she always wants to contact me but she just never does

I guess this depends on the girl... I;d normally say to ease off talking to her and let her make the first move but your bombardment of messages *strangely* has been working to some extent. Some girls like time to think and then they see sense (obviously this applies to guys too), but others like the messages as it shows you still care and haven't given up.

I think you should give her a little space... and rule one, never EVER send txts that imply frustration or getting upset with the situation... the *Fine, I give up* or the *I just look stupid, bye* sorts... you've done it and given that arguments and things have happened when you've been drunk, showing signs of frustration/temper won't help your case.

All you can do is tell her that you're making an effort for her... giving up permanently on the drinking, going to the gym, changing your hair the way she likes... I don't know... things that she might have commented on.

Many people here will say not to change yourself for a girl but in this case, gym, going tee-total etc are not bad things! - it can't hurt. There are only health benefits with those!

30 days in my opinion might be a bit long... maybe every 3-5 days you *could* reply with a VERY SIMPLE *I miss you* txt... or telling her she was right that you feel a lot more relaxed/healthier now that you've given up (girls like being told they're right!)... but only if you actually mean it.

I wouldn't contact her IMO if I was you at all.

its really up to her if she wants to give you another chance, nobody else knows but her.

but the fact that she gave you many chances and you blew it might be the end for you guys.

I would focus on yourself. There is really nothing else you can say or do for her at this time.

I guess this depends on the girl... I;d normally say to ease off talking to her and let her make the first move but your bombardment of messages *strangely* has been working to some extent. Some girls like time to think and then they see sense (obviously this applies to guys too), but others like the messages as it shows you still care and haven't given up.

 

I think you should give her a little space... and rule one, never EVER send txts that imply frustration or getting upset with the situation... the *Fine, I give up* or the *I just look stupid, bye* sorts... you've done it and given that arguments and things have happened when you've been drunk, showing signs of frustration/temper won't help your case.

 

All you can do is tell her that you're making an effort for her... giving up permanently on the drinking, going to the gym, changing your hair the way she likes... I don't know... things that she might have commented on.

 

Many people here will say not to change yourself for a girl but in this case, gym, going tee-total etc are not bad things! - it can't hurt. There are only health benefits with those!

 

30 days in my opinion might be a bit long... maybe every 3-5 days you *could* reply with a VERY SIMPLE *I miss you* txt... or telling her she was right that you feel a lot more relaxed/healthier now that you've given up (girls like being told they're right!)... but only if you actually mean it.

The last time we ever talked I was telling her, that I'm fighting for the girl I love, "You should be happy that I'm fighting for you" and she replied with these exact words "Ik idk am not all here rn i feel bad n sad n mad than I asked her well do u hate me and she said no I can never hate you and stopped replying with that last message .. then I blew up her phone because she was ignoring me and ended it with "man I just look stupid doing all this" (referring to myself blowing up her phone all day) which she never opened just left the message unread because instagram shows u when they 'seen' your message ..

but with all this being said do u still agree that 30 days is still too long? If so maybe 10 days at the least? . Maybe she's still angry at me for breaking my promise and going out to drink and telling her things I shouldn't have Thats why I said 30 days at the least? or maybe she's just going through a phase where she's asking herself if she made a mistake or not that's why she feels sad and bad at the same time?... whatever it is I just know she still loves me, I just know it. Maybe she just wants to see a change in me.. but how can she see a change if she's not talking to me?

And as of this morning I seen that she declined a follow request that I sent out two days ago, so I know for a fact that she went on my page.. my profile is on public so she can see all my pictures, do u think she can possibly be stalking here and there to check how I'm doing? Even though she seems not interested by ignoring me? ..

I'm not posting any sad stuff or anything of that nature just showing how happy I am and smiling and stuff.. is that bad for me to do?

I guess this depends on the girl... I;d normally say to ease off talking to her and let her make the first move but your bombardment of messages *strangely* has been working to some extent. Some girls like time to think and then they see sense (obviously this applies to guys too), but others like the messages as it shows you still care and haven't given up.

 

I think you should give her a little space... and rule one, never EVER send txts that imply frustration or getting upset with the situation... the *Fine, I give up* or the *I just look stupid, bye* sorts... you've done it and given that arguments and things have happened when you've been drunk, showing signs of frustration/temper won't help your case.

 

All you can do is tell her that you're making an effort for her... giving up permanently on the drinking, going to the gym, changing your hair the way she likes... I don't know... things that she might have commented on.

 

Many people here will say not to change yourself for a girl but in this case, gym, going tee-total etc are not bad things! - it can't hurt. There are only health benefits with those!

 

30 days in my opinion might be a bit long... maybe every 3-5 days you *could* reply with a VERY SIMPLE *I miss you* txt... or telling her she was right that you feel a lot more relaxed/healthier now that you've given up (girls like being told they're right!)... but only if you actually mean it.

I also noticed that she's adding guys that she would add whenever we would go through a break, it's like she always runs to these same guys whenever we go on a break I don't get it

She's still angry at you. What was the breakup about? How long were you dating?

You need to go no contact and delete, unfriend, unfollow her on social media.

You are making it much worse and looking clingy and desperate blowing up her phone and acting jealous, etc. Lay back and relax and wait until she contacts you. Let her cool off.

The breakup was about me "not treating her well" I guess we would argue way too much and on top of that my drinking habit that I had.. it would make everything worse..

We were dating for a year and a month

In that year I took her virginity, took her to places she's never been. I was the first of many things for her

Yeah that's what I'm doing rn, I just kinda been doing my own thing.. she does pop up in my head from time to time though

I guess this depends on the girl... I;d normally say to ease off talking to her and let her make the first move but your bombardment of messages *strangely* has been working to some extent. Some girls like time to think and then they see sense (obviously this applies to guys too), but others like the messages as it shows you still care and haven't given up.

 

I think you should give her a little space... and rule one, never EVER send txts that imply frustration or getting upset with the situation... the *Fine, I give up* or the *I just look stupid, bye* sorts... you've done it and given that arguments and things have happened when you've been drunk, showing signs of frustration/temper won't help your case.

 

All you can do is tell her that you're making an effort for her... giving up permanently on the drinking, going to the gym, changing your hair the way she likes... I don't know... things that she might have commented on.

 

Many people here will say not to change yourself for a girl but in this case, gym, going tee-total etc are not bad things! - it can't hurt. There are only health benefits with those!

 

30 days in my opinion might be a bit long... maybe every 3-5 days you *could* reply with a VERY SIMPLE *I miss you* txt... or telling her she was right that you feel a lot more relaxed/healthier now that you've given up (girls like being told they're right!)... but only if you actually mean it.

She's still angry at you. What was the breakup about? How long were you dating?

 

You need to go no contact and delete, unfriend, unfollow her on social media.

 

You are making it much worse and looking clingy and desperate blowing up her phone and acting jealous, etc. Lay back and relax and wait until she contacts you. Let her cool off.

sorry I forgot to tag you in my reply