What to do...?

Hello, everyone. We are in a long distance marriage actually. Been married for 3 years but long distance.

I am Japanese and he is an American. He goes to school in America. And I live here in Japan.

He has been attending this community college and he is about to finish. Actually, he needs 3 more classes to pass and done.

I have been just waiting for him to finish to be with him. His school seems not really a great place to be. He applied to a class for this semester, but he never heard from them back with the result. So, that means he couldn't get the class he wanted to take this semester.

I've been telling him to come back and finish. I've been trying to find online classes for him to be able to take, but transferring to another college, he will lose what he earned from the school he is currently attending. Of course I am eager to help if he wants to go, rather having to wait for him to finish. He is 32, and I am 36. I want to have a baby, but of course, I understand that we need to be stable for that.

I just don't know what to do. It seems like he needs at least one more semester for him to finish. But me, I can't really take this long distance. But I do understand somewhere in my brain, that he needs to get a decent degree. We have no options for him to have online classes from his college, as they don't really offer students that option.

Should we just hang onto what he has been doing or any advise?

Thank you for reading my post xxxx

Since when do credits not transfer? The whole point of a community college is to get credits and transfer to a 4 year university, so he's either lying or his school is not real. My local community college offers online classes. And no offense but getting an AA degree from a community college isn't going to make his job prospects better, especially not in Japan.

I took several community college classes and they all transferred to my 4 year university. I think he is making excuses.

Why can't you move to the US to be with him? How did you come to be in a long distance marriage?

Community colleges are transfer schools. It's very common for students who go there transfer to another school. In my current state it is the law that community colleges MUST make their credit score transferable (Hence why many high school students are refusing to take the SAT/ACT).

The only time when credits are not transferable is if a student is deeply into a program set to graduate (like with level 300+ classes). But that usually doesn't happen at 2 year community colleges.

I've attended community college and graduated from three schools in the US. I agree with the above poster.

Why can't you move to the US to be with him?

It's not easy to just get up and move to another country. Even if you are married there's a wait on the immigration process. Not to mention with all the craziness in our political system and upcoming election, I would honestly stay in Japan. I got friends who are English teachers/film makers/artists in Japan and are 10x happier there that they have zero desire to return to the US.

How did you come to be in a long distance marriage?

I'm curious about this too.

Why can't you move to/live in the US? Was he visiting Japan when you met? What was the original plan with regard to you moving there or him moving to Japan?

When is the last time you saw each other?

We are in a long distance marriage actually. Been married for 3 years but long distance. I am Japanese and he is an American. He goes to school in America. And I live here in Japan. I have been just waiting for him to finish to be with him.

I have a cousin back home who married a man from New York. The entire process of obtaining a fiancé visa and getting her to the United States took about 4 months.

Same goes for my uncle.. His wife was able to get him to live in Canada in a matter of months without any trouble.

Why can't your husband do the same?

Also, no offense, but why did you two get married in the first place if neither of you are financially stable?

ive never heard of having to apply for a class, unless he is changing majors and needs departmental approval, usually you wake up early am to try and login and register for a seat in the class, if its full you know immediately. I would say you need talk to him for a concrete plan for sponsoring you to come to the us or for him to return; at the least, as you've been going for 3 years now, so he can understand your needs and the time invested. if these last few classes never seem to get done then may need to rethink your situation. i don't know how japan schools would handle someone trying to transfer internationally, maybe ask for his transcript to visit a few schools in your area.

Iggy5129,

Thank you for your comment.

My husband goes to school to get computer classes. Which is most of the time they aren't transferable. I've asked some schools and I know that they don't. And I know, that associate degree is not so great. It's funny, even for foreigners but there are more jobs for high school grads than having associate degree. He doesn't need associate to move here, once he gets spousal visa, but if he is getting work visa then he needs bachelors.

I think because there are way too many students, as he is in California.

The reason why I don't go to the US is because of financial burden. I do have a great job here, and mad Snny said, I have to at least wait for 6 months to obtain myself an US visa. But for him to obtain Japanese visa, it's like one day.

How did I come to be in a long distance marriage??? I would like to know now for myself as well. I knew he wanted to go back to college, and we really thought he could get online classes to graduate, and I thought it'd be only 2 years or maybe 2.5 at the most but it really wasn't.

Snny, thank you for your comment.

As I stated in my response from Iggy5129, my husband studies computer science. And most of these computer related classes aren't transferable. Maybe once he gets his associate, yes, but it is already taking this much time for him to graduate, and he isn't even failing, I don't see why but now it's clear that he needs 3 more classes for him to graduate.

As you say, it isn't easy to move to the US. Especially with all procedure beforehand. And my husband is a student, so I don't know if he is able to sponsor, and even if he is able to, then I am sure it'll be hard for me to find a job there as I am not the US citizen with all the economical issue there.

Wiseman2, thank you for your comment.

He was living in Japan for a while and we got together. And he decided to go back to school. Which I didn't mind at that time. As I really thought it'd be 2 years for him to graduate. Our original plan is for him to get a degree and come back to japan. We saw each other this march to June.

Leilalove23,

Thank you for your comment. Yes the visa procedure for US seems a lot crazier than to apply to other countries. The embassy's website even states that it takes long.

My husband is able to get a visa, but he wants to finish his school. But it is taking too long, classes he or even for other students are hard to get, so this is my dilemma. Sorry I didn't think I stated in my first post, but yes, I am financially stable here. And I have been since we got married.

Ken78, thank you for your comment.

He wanted to sorta skip one required class to jump to difficult one, so he applied. But he didn't get response.

Yes. I will definitely talk to him. Last 2 classes may be the hardest. Because he needs math and English, and they are everyone's required classes to graduate, so seats are filling up very quick, and that's what he's been struggling to get.

We have some online schools from America, that says you can study anywhere in the world, so that is what I keep looking up for him to do if he needs to.

im guessing he was former military, your situation is similar to other people ive known though not many of them married(yet?). this sort of relationship is convenient for some people, as they get time to themselves and a short time together, they get comfortable...problem having been that the time when they realize, oh no, we will be with each other 24/7 kinda makes them nervous that realization comes after a long "calendar" time if not a long time in which you were closely interacting. is he going to move to live over there full time? would he be less capable of working over there then you would be over here...maybe you can look for a company that has offices in the US? just questions to think on, it may be the end is in sight yet delays make it so far so it is getting hard.

I can't make judgement of your situation not knowing him or you but keep aware of yourself and what you need, and what your getting out of this relationship. (ironic advice, I have heard that advice myself yet not acted on it in my own relationship, though doesn't make it less valid I think)

Ken78,

Thank you for your comment.

He clearly stated that he wants to be here, as he feels better than living and working in the US. But at the same time he wants his degree done. I don't or other people mentioned on here that associate degree might be useless but I do understand his situation, minus this time frame and distance.

I've already talked to him to transfer to the other schools to finish or go on to bachelor. But he thinks if it fails he still has an associate degree from his current one. So this is my dilemma.

I do understand what you are talking about. I've been telling him but it seems like he's very busy or buried in his school life. I will send him an email again later that is what I've been thinking of