Moving on

Hello all, this is my first post on this site so please bare with me.

First I'll give a little background on myself: I am a 21 year old male I have just finished university in the UK, I am looking for some advice on moving on from someone who I love.

The situation:

This is tricky to explain and is all the more complicated due to the person who I love being my best friend but here goes....

Basically I met this girl in college around about 5 years ago at first we hated each other but very soon we became best friends and were attached at the hip all the way through college. Now early on I began developing feelings for her eventually I realised I loved her. Now others in the college would always say we're right for each other and we love each other etc. Looking back this definitely did not help the situation as I sort of began to believe she loved me back. Now what's more after about 8 months of being best friends I did tell her how I felt and I should stress she never rejected me nor say she felt the same. Now this was at the end of the first year of college, she also had a boyfriend at this point. Now there were some strange things that did happen over the two years of college namely a couple of times we ended up talking dirty and flirting through text messages, however as I brought these up during a face to face convo she claimed it was her boyfriend lol! Which is possible as it turned out he was bi sexual but unfortunately due to my feelings for her I thought it was really her. Anyway we both moved on from college and did the same course at university. Now again like people during college many people thought she loved me back as it was plainly obvious that I was infatuated with her. Again this did not help the situation as it just made me think even more that she loved me. Now this is where a number of things happened during uni and also back in college. Mainly that whenever she had a bf she would constantly go out of her way to make me jealous, even to the point of telling me what she got up to the night before with her partner, that is one of the worst pains in the world hearing that! She would also say things such as "i think one day we will get married" now this just kept me thinking that she felt the same and it is no wonder others also thought she loved me back. Now through college and uni she would get me to do things for her whether its buying her something or helping with a problem she had. She has also messaged girls I was talking to and basically ruined any chance I had with them which sucked too. Over the years me and her have had many arguments and fallings out but of us know that we will always sort it, in fact when we argue it was almost like a show for others weird I know.. Anyway to the last year I realised during my second and last year of uni that she didn't love me and in fact was leading me on. Now this was extremely hard to believe because this girl was my best friend and I never would have thought she would have done that to me. I met a couple of girls at uni who was on our course and have grown closer to them, over the last 2 years have seen her lead me on they were friends with her too. They like many others thought that she genuinely loved me. At this moment in time my two other friends have stopped talking to her completely and its because of how I have been treated. Myself I have gone a couple of months without talking to her as ive realised what has been happening and my other two friends are completely supportive in this. However the problem I have is that this girl was meant to be my best friend so I'm not just losing someone I love but also someone who has been a huge friend over the years (when she's not leading me on). I know what I need to do which is to completely cut all contact which I have been doing and this will be much easier as we have finished uni now. The problem I have is that when I stop talking to her for a few months I think I am making progress and indeed I feel better I feel like I have fallen out of love. However as time goes on I miss her even more and it is hard to stay angry at her for leading me on. This can cause me to have a bit of a break down and all those feelings of pain and hurt come rushing back and then I feel like I am back to square one. What I am asking is for advice on how to deal with this when I miss her etc as I know I must stop contacting her for good. I would also like to know if anyone else has been in this situation before, I know many people have been lead on and I understand that but I want to know if anyone else has been lead on by someone who was meant to be their best friend.

Sorry for the essay but writing this down makes myself feel better and feel that if I completely explain the situation then I will be able to receive the right advice

Thanks for any comments, Harry.

You're her gay best friend. You're someone to fill the time with when she's bored but that's it. If she was interested in you she'd have been with you long before this.

You can't be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for. It's just a roadmap to pain. Cut her off on all social media and go strict NC.

At this stage, if you don't, anything that happens after this is your fault, not hers. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. Cut her off.

Have you started browsing dating apps to see what's out there and keep occupied with moving forward, not backward? When you see something you like and you're ready, start messaging and meeting other people.

I hate to say it, Clinton's quite right. She has used you as a vanity project, getting nice things and compliments off you but without any of the fun stuff. She can't help it, and if it was the other way around you would have participated in a similar game most likely. When I was at Uni at your age (UK also) I had a similar experience with a very good looking girl who used to play this game, and I did eventually end up in bed with her years later and it was cr@p. She was rubbish, but went on to pick up ugly older men for what they could offer her on a material level. She was eventually rumbled and ended up as a single mum back up north, it didn't stop her attempting to get in touch with me again tho for more of the same old rubbish which I duly ignored.

People like this are toxic, and are best left out of your life. She has most likely already ruined chances for you with other girls and will continue to do so if you give her the scope to do so. Unless you can be as mercenary as her, which I doubt, and are willing to use her to meet other women through then you should blank her out of your life. She doesnt respect you, and sounds a manipulative little user.

Gain some self respect, and date other girls who'll appreciate you for the person you are. Not a jumped up little tart. love has to be mutual, and she clearly doesn't want romance with you so cut her out of your existence before you spend another five years wasting energy on a dead end cause.

Thanks for the replies, yeah I agree if she loved me she would have been with me a long time ago. I haven't been sat pinning my hopes on this girl however, over the last 5 years I've had 4 relationships as I felt I needed to get out there and try and find someone else. This did help as I've realised there are plenty of other people out there but at this point my head isn't in the right place to be dating etc as it wouldn't be fair on any other girl if my heart aint in it. In fact I ended up dumping all 4 of them as I couldn't develop feelings for them, however one of them I did miss for quite a while so that's encouraging. I think at this stage I'm over her I'm just not over what I felt and the fact it was my best friend if that makes sense.