Does she really want me back?

Hi.

I split from my partner of 6 years just over 2 weeks ago. We were set to get married in august. I had issues with anxiety and depression and dealt with them the wrong way using drink in private around once a week.

I came clean to her and she called everything off. I've moved back in with my parents and are due to sort out our joint mortgage on Saturday.

My question is, I was in no contact with her, and then all of a sudden on Monday she text me asking how I was. I replied that I was ok and asked if she was ok. She replied saying she wasn't, and said all of this is a lot to handle. I told her not to worry.

Anyway, I sent her a quick text today asking to pick my suit up from the house tomorrow and was just expecting a text saying yes. But instead she rang me and said I can go and get it tomorrow and she's home at 6.30.

She's also posting stuff on facebook and instagram obviously directed at hurting me and making me jealous. We did split up 3 years ago for a while too, but took me back after I changed my ways.

Do you think there is anything in this, like she is doubting her decision? She did initially tell me to leave her alone, which I did. Or do you think she is teaching me a lesson by pretending to finish with me for a while to scare me?

Thanks

She dumped you because you drank by yourself once a week? Gotta be more to it than that. I mean otherwise, you don't have much of a relationship. Lots of people suffer from depression. Usually their partner sticks by them.

Are you sure that's all there was to this?

To be honest, it's only been two weeks so emotions are going to be all over the place making it impossible to tell which way this could go.

Could you explain a little more about your break-up? What was it you broke up over exactly. Was it over the fact that you had a drink once a week or issues that stemmed from that or lead to that? As long as you weren't getting blind drunk or being abusive then I can't see what the issue is.

If she broke up with a you for drinking once a week (I find this hard to believe btw) than you should thank her VERY much for doing so, you dodged a bullet. I take that back, you dodged an 88 artillery shell!

Assuming that's true, you need to ask her to never contact you again and stay no contact. It's the only way you will be able to heal/recover and move on. Give it 3-6 months and find a lady that won't be so ridicules and crazy?

Basically, I used to go out with the lads and get blind drunk, but I curbed all of that and settled down and hardly went out anymore. I fell asleep after drinking maybe once every 3-4 weeks and she got annoyed because she had to come downstairs to wake me up. I was obviously hiding the fact I was drinking to combat the depression, and I came clean and she ended it.

So what you're saying is you have a few drinks at home (once a week), you fall asleep downstairs very occasionally (I do that when I'm not drunk) and she's ended things with you because of that!? That seems a bit of an over reaction! Could she possibly be finding your depression hard to cope with or your way of dealing with it?

You're either not telling the full story, or she's using these ludicrous reasons to conceal what she's really up to. Having a drink once a week and nodding off on the sofa is not a dealbreaker unless you're both members of a very puritanical cult.

Do you get abusive or violent when drunk?

No I've never been abusive or hit her, never cheated and hardly go out. It just seems weird because she told me to leave her alone and keeps contacting me? She's also fixing things in the house, but she doesn't even know if I want to sell it yet?? Don't know if this is just a punishment or it is actually ended?

You haven't really told us much at all so it is impossible to be able to give you much feedback. You've summed your break-up from a six year relationship in three short posts. It's all rather vague from an outsider's perspective. I'm sure a lot more must have been said leading up to and during the break-up. Also I'm not sure how fixing things in the house relates to anything. Is she fixing to sell? Is it your house or do you own it jointly? If you gave us some more information we might be able to give you some advice. As others have said I find it hard to believe that she would end a six year relationship just because you have a drink at home once a week and fall asleep on the sofa. And what do you mean by "come clean"? What did you have to come clean about? Surely if you live together she would have known you were having a drink? Did you have to hide it from her? How much did you drink?

Yes we own the house jointly. For the past 12 months I've been suffering with depression. In her eyes, every so often she'd find me asleep downstairs, around once a month. This started to annoy her because she kept telling me to come to bed and couldn't work out why I continued to fall asleep.

The reason was because I was drinking in private to cope with the way I was feeling and was embarrassed to tell her and scared. She left me one day over me falling asleep again, so I rang her and told her why I'd been falling asleep and the next day she ended it with me. She said to leave her alone, but keeps contacting me so was wondering why?

Sorry to be so vague lol

The thing is I'm finding it really hard to understand why she would get so annoyed at you for falling asleep on the sofa. It happens. I also don't understand why you have to drink in private. I realise that you are connecting your drinking to your depression but if you were dependent on alcohol you would be drinking far more than once a week, surely? It sounds like you just want a release as a lot of people do who might go out for a drink during the week. It certainly doesn't sound as though you were drinking that much either because evidently she was oblivious to the fact that you had been drinking when she came down to find you asleep on the sofa so I'm struggling to see what the issue is here. I can sort of understand why she might have a negative reaction of sorts to you keeping your drinking a secret but I think the bigger issue is why you had to keep it secret. How was your relationship other than the drinking issue? What did she actually say when she ended it?

Well we gotta take more into account.

Are you religious at all?

Depression is hard,

I have it too. Stop drinking. It's a depressant, and start working on yourself.

It sounds like the drinking, anxiety and depression are sore topics that has caused a rift before and again now, because "changing your ways" did not last.

Calling off the marriage and asking you to move out and getting the paperwork to sever your financial entanglements regarding the house sounds rather definitive, even if she acknowledges that the break-up is painful.

Maybe you should stop creeping her posts on social media? Accept that she is serious this time because she gave you a second chance three years ago under the conditions that the deal-breakers get addressed.

It doesn't matter how much drinking/partying is "too much" ...that is a very subjective call. What matters is she is not standing for it and she is the one in the house and calling off the marriage as a result.

Making another promise to clean up your act only to revert back after a time will only cause a repeated cycle of on/off instability and dysfunction. Find a lady who tolerates/enjoys partying and doesn't have the conditions that this one does .

Basically, I used to go out with the lads and get blind drunk, but I curbed all of that and settled down and hardly went out anymore. I fell asleep after drinking maybe once every 3-4 weeks and she got annoyed because she had to come downstairs to wake me up. I was obviously hiding the fact I was drinking to combat the depression, and I came clean and she ended it.

 

I split from my partner of 6 years just over 2 weeks ago. We were set to get married in august. I had issues with anxiety and depression and dealt with them the wrong way using drink in private around once a week.

I came clean to her and she called everything off. I've moved back in with my parents and are due to sort out our joint mortgage on Saturday.

 

My question is, I was in no contact with her, and then all of a sudden on Monday she text me asking how I was. I replied that I was ok and asked if she was ok. She replied saying she wasn't, and said all of this is a lot to handle. I told her not to worry.

 

Anyway, I sent her a quick text today asking to pick my suit up from the house tomorrow and was just expecting a text saying yes. But instead she rang me and said I can go and get it tomorrow and she's home at 6.30.

 

She's also posting stuff on facebook and instagram obviously directed at hurting me and making me jealous. We did split up 3 years ago for a while too, but took me back after I changed my ways.

 

Do you think there is anything in this, like she is doubting her decision? She did initially tell me to leave her alone, which I did. Or do you think she is teaching me a lesson by pretending to finish with me for a while to scare me?

 

Thanks