How to move on after breakup and stop being angry?

My boyfriend and I recently broke up after being together for four years. The reason for the break up was that we were long distance for the last few months, after seeing each other very regularly (almost everyday) when we weren't long distance. He ended things because they were too hard and he thought we weren't as close anymore, but he claimed to still love me. I thought things weren't working well either, but I was willing to continue trying so was hurt when he broke up with me, especially since I had put in a lot of time, effort and energy into bettering us and keeping him included in my life.

Now, a few weeks later, he seems indifferent about the break up to me. When we have talked he has told me he still loves me, but we recently had an argument and now he hasn't responded instead of talking it out and clearing the air. I feel like this is such a sad way to end our 4 year relationship, but I cannot message him to attempt to work things out because in our break up I have come across as quite clingy and now realise its time to back off and let him do him.

I'm just quite angry that this is the way things have ended - angry that I put all of this time and effort in to have him leave and seem indifferent towards my feelings. How do I get rid of this anger and just move on with my life?

Long distance is the end of many relationships. It takes both parties putting in tremendous effort to keep it alive.

How to get rid of the anger? Accept that while you were together, you had some wonderful times but that it was the distance that ended it. You move on with your life--- by focusing on your life and adding more things to it, now that you have some free time.

I suppose, moving on at first was hard because after the break up it didn't make sense that we both loved each other and weren't together, because you suddenly forget all of the struggles and only remember the good times. But then when he started to seem indifferent this anger set in and I can't shake it - how can he seem to have moved on after we had such an intense and long relationship?

Because you cannot be together and the distance just breeds frustration.

Is it that your circumstances will not allow you to be in the same place again?

Relationships NEED/REQUIRE daily/on regular basis in person companionship.

It's over, stop talking to him so that you can start the healing process. It's going to take good 6+ months. If you talk to him, you will never even start that process (sabotage yourself from ever healing).

Cut him off/block/ignore him and stay away from opposite sex during healing process.

You are going to go thru all kinds of different emotions for next few weeks.....completely normal. GIVE IT TIME!!!!

DoF nailed it!

You admit yourself that things were not good. On top of that, I think you know deep down that a genuinely solid relationship won't fall apart over just two months of distance. You simply make plans on how to close that distance and manage in the meantime. It wasn't working out that way for either one of you and your relationship, if you look back honestly, was probably on shaky grounds for some time already. In every end, there is always one person who checked out earlier and so is further ahead on letting things go emotionally. In your case, that's him.

As for feeling angry, try to sit down and write it all out. Whatever you are feeling. Whatever you want to say to him. Then rip it up or burn it and set yourself free from that. The anger is just you damaging yourself.

Thank you everyone, all of your advice is very true.

Just one thing is nagging me - we had a small argument because I saw a picture of him and another girl which I thought i deserved an explanation about because she was a girl I was a little worried about whilst we were still together so wanted to be sure whether anything had happened between them or if they had begun seeing each other, so essentially she would be the reason for the break up on his side, and therefore he wouldn't have been honest.

He was quite indifferent and didn't seem to want to talk about it or understand why I thought I should get an explanation. The argument has ended in me asking him a question and he has ignored it - should I attempt to clear the air and round things off with a goodbye or leave it, seeing as he presumably doesn't want to hear from me if he hasn't replied?

Also, I can't help feeling as though I wasn't enough for him to keep trying for. How do you not let a break up affect your self esteem?

This is my first break up and am struggling with that a little - people say 'it clearly just wasn't meant to be', but that doesn't seem to make me feel any better because at the time it feels like you are meant to be because you click so well.

Please don't contact him and walk away with your dignity intact and your head held high.

Look, the other girl is not the reason why he ended things. Things ended because he wanted out and the thing is that probably even if he really really wanted to, he wouldn't be able to explain all that went into that decision to you or even to himself. However, he wouldn't be the first or last to start lining up someone else before he ends the relationship. Again, though, it's never about the other girl. If he was truly in love, there would never be another girl. He was checked out a long time ago and the worst you can do is keep contacting him. All that will accomplish is that you'll go from an ex to that crazy psycho chic everyone talks about and you don't want that. Trying to understand why someone doesn't see you as a life long partner for themselves is a quick trip to insanity. There is never a clear cut answer. You had 4 years together and in the end, it just didn't fit. Best for you to focus on moving forward yourself and find one who does fit.

Also, I can't help feeling as though I wasn't enough for him to keep trying for. How do you not let a break up affect your self esteem?

 

This is my first break up and am struggling with that a little - people say 'it clearly just wasn't meant to be', but that doesn't seem to make me feel any better because at the time it feels like you are meant to be because you click so well.

Because it's not about you, it's about them. Just like you have some internal picture of an ideal partner influenced by many many factors, so do others. So the thing is that you can be the most wonderful person in the world, but maybe their internal ideal is a feisty b...ch. You have no control over who someone else wants. The trick is to find someone who is looking for YOU.

Thank you DancingFool, you're right. Although the no contacting thing is easier said than done because I feel like I just want clear cut answers as to why he seems indifferent but has also told me many times since breaking up that he still loves me, but as you said I'm sure he isn't sure of all the reasons he came to the decision to break up so maybe he can't explain it anyway.

And mhowe, no we wouldn't be able to be in the same place again for at least 3 years, but probably more. I guess it was always doomed - its not so much the ending of the relationship as the indifference from him that's bothering me to be honest. How someone can go from being madly in love with you and crazy about you to not really giving a damn is hard to deal with.

Because there is no point in keeping the fires of love burning when there is no realistic expectation that the distance factor can be overcome. By accepting the reality that the relationship has reached its ending...one let's go. Hanging on makes no sense.

He isn't indifferent t. He still loves you...but that doesn't mean he is going to keep putting effort into sustaining that connection. Love is the easiest part. Its reality that makes it hard.