There is something fundamentaly wrong with me

I don't know, i feel guilty just by writing this, i should not feel depressed, i should not feel suicidal, i have a son, a have brothers and sisters that love me and support me, and I love them all…

But I feel so crushingly alone…

I don’t see a future for me, the only thing that keeps me going is my son, I will not cause him pain I will not allow it, but I need to feel alive again.

I divorced my wife because she was abusive, emotionally, and physically, I couldn’t take it anymore so I left in the middle of a beating… never to return…

There is a lot to this story, and I know it gets confusing, I just came here because I need someone to talk to, I need someone to listen to me, I need to feel something again…

Sorry

First off, there is something fundamentally wrong with EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET. Accept this, you are NOT the only one.

Life is FULL of ups and downs, you are simply at the bottom right now. It will get better.

What actions have you taken to better yourself? I suggest starting with a healthy diet and physical activity on daily basis/routine.

Once you get those out of the way for extended period of time, that alone will by default make you feel better.

As for your feelings. YOu know what seperates great people from the weak? Weak people curl up into a corner, get more depressed and keep digging under their feet, into a deeper hole, keep dwelling....crying.....making excuses........etc

GREAT people, remain optimistic and positive no matter what happens in life. They take the biggest/worst events in their life and brush it off their shoulders and MOVE ON.

I suggest you focus on being optimistic and positive about your life. Currently you are dragging yourself down.

Also, get professional help if above doesn't help. But YOU need to address this issue, don't count on anything else.

Remember "NEVER EVER make ANY big life decisions during times of great happiness or great depression".

Thanks, i understand what you mean and i appreciate that you took the time to talk to me

I know it, i know that i'm doing this to my self, i need to find a way to stop it, hearing the truth helps.

Thanks, i understand what you mean and i appreciate that you took the time to talk to me

 

I know it, i know that I'm doing this to my self, i need to find a way to stop it, hearing the truth helps.

Remain positive/optimistic no matter what. That's your solution to EVERYTHING.

Trust me EVERY SINGLE PERSON STRUGGLES.

Heck, what I do to make myself feel good. I think how much worse it can be. Imagine living in Poland in 1940s as a jew. Imagine 30k children that die every single day due to hunger or war. Imagine all of the people that were born in the wrong place on this planet and have 0 future no matter how smart/intelligent they are.

It's all about perspective. Trust me, BY DEFAULT, being born in this country you have it better than 90% of the world population!

If you can't get out of this rut....get professional help. But help yourself first, would you?

And remember, the only person you will REALLY hurt in the end is your loved ones. So don't be selfish and think about yourself only. Seriously.

Good luck

First off, there is something fundamentally wrong with EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET. Accept this, you are NOT the only one.

 

Life is FULL of ups and downs, you are simply at the bottom right now. It will get better.

 

What actions have you taken to better yourself? I suggest starting with a healthy diet and physical activity on daily basis/routine.

 

Once you get those out of the way for extended period of time, that alone will by default make you feel better.

 

As for your feelings. YOu know what seperates great people from the weak? Weak people curl up into a corner, get more depressed and keep digging under their feet, into a deeper hole, keep dwelling....crying.....making excuses........etc

 

GREAT people, remain optimistic and positive no matter what happens in life. They take the biggest/worst events in their life and brush it off their shoulders and MOVE ON.

 

I suggest you focus on being optimistic and positive about your life. Currently you are dragging yourself down.

 

Also, get professional help if above doesn't help. But YOU need to address this issue, don't count on anything else.

 

Remember "NEVER EVER make ANY big life decisions during times of great happiness or great depression".

I guess most of us are neither weak nor great, so sometimes get depressed and sometimes shake it off.

I always believe it is important not to get too optimistic. It can create unrealistic expectations.

I guess most of us are neither weak nor great, so sometimes get depressed and sometimes shake it off.

 

I always believe it is important not to get too optimistic. It can create unrealistic expectations.

Agreed

NOTHING is good when taken to the extreme.

We are ALL BOTH (great and weak) at times. I'm just reminding him to work to be great at a time when he is weak.

I think even a "bad" relationship gives us a sense of companionship. I can only speak for myself here but I remember when my first marriage broke up, I realised it was the one thing keeping me together and the rest of my life was pretty bad, with little to feel good about. I've also found that, especially people far from home, that they have children and they and their partner have little outside contact apart from each other, kids and work.

Whilst it is true that you need to try hard, it is also true that where you are is a difficult place. The most positive thing I can tell you is that most people recover from it and even go on to have other relationships. I'm living proof.

I tend to isolate myself in times of struggle, it causes more problems than it solves but at least in my mind I’m not burdening anyone with my problems.

I don’t talk about these things with anyone in my life, and that’s why I thank you guys, because no matter how strong I thought I was, I wasn’t strong enough to face this alone, not being able to see my son every day, being alone most of the time, it was too much for me.

I want you to know that just by talking to me you made me feel less alone, and that already helped me.

I tend to isolate myself in times of struggle, it causes more problems than it solves but at least in my mind I’m not burdening anyone with my problems.

I don’t talk about these things with anyone in my life, and that’s why I thank you guys, because no matter how strong I thought I was, I wasn’t strong enough to face this alone, not being able to see my son every day, being alone most of the time, it was too much for me.

I want you to know that just by talking to me you made me feel less alone, and that already helped me.

Isolation is one of the worst things human's can endure. So don't do that. Be with your friends or family, or ANYONE (heck even if it means being around strangers at the mall).

Why do you think the worst punishment in our society is solitary confinement?

I think even a "bad" relationship gives us a sense of companionship. I can only speak for myself here but I remember when my first marriage broke up, I realised it was the one thing keeping me together and the rest of my life was pretty bad, with little to feel good about. I've also found that, especially people far from home, that they have children and they and their partner have little outside contact apart from each other, kids and work.

 

Whilst it is true that you need to try hard, it is also true that where you are is a difficult place. The most positive thing I can tell you is that most people recover from it and even go on to have other relationships. I'm living proof.

What you said is true, it was a bad relationship, but in some ways it was the only good thing in my life, apart from my work i had nothing else, when i realized that I felt small, because even if she was a person who made me feel so insignificant, she was also one of the few who accepted me…

Isolation is one of the worst things human's can endure. So don't do that. Be with your friends or family, or ANYONE (heck even if it means being around strangers at the mall).

 

Why do you think the worst punishment in our society is solitary confinement?

 

I guess I’ve never saw things this way, isolation as a punishment... that is something I’ll think about a lot

What you said is true, it was a bad relationship, but in some ways it was the only good thing in my life, apart from my work i had nothing else, when i realized that I felt small, because even if she was a person who made me feel so insignificant, she was also one of the few who accepted me…

Completely normal, many people end up like this. We like to focus and put all of our efforts into what we love the most.

It's important to have other relationships/friendships/friends and hobbies outside of your relationship (especially when you don't need them).

Find a group of people that enjoy doing what you like to do. Go play sport, get physical......eat healthy and all that jazz.

I think you should seek therapy for your depression.

You need to understand why you choose an abusive individual, and why you stayed. You Should understand what brought you to this place, to move forward. Your depression is not good for your son.

I agree with Holly.

By all means try to change your lifestyle so you are more active and healthy but you also need to see a counsellor or your GP even if only for advice if you still dont feel yourself after a few more weeks.

There is nothing wrong with therapy. It allows you to discuss your inner thoughts and feelings with a professional. It sounds like the relationship had a negative effect on your self esteem.

Do not isolate yourself. Spend time with your son even if it just going for walks or to the park.

I hope your situation improves soon.

Why did you feel guilty for writing? It's what we're all here for, and your thoughts are always welcome.

I would consider a combo plate of learning how to confide in a therapist, clergy or a friend or family member who you trust. Rather than considering it as placing a burden on them, consider instead that most people feel honored to be trusted when they care about you.

The other thing I'd add to my plate is spending more time with family. You don't need to entertain them, just be there for them. Offer an ear or do their dishes or help them shop or run errands or work on a household project. Appreciate how this time not only helps them, but it helps you to bond and feel loved.

If you would consider combining that with hiring a therapist, you may discover that depression is treatable--but not in isolation. That drills it in deeper.

Most people have no trouble hiring a lawyer or an accountant or a plumber or any other expert in any other given field--but when it comes to actual quality of life, a therapist is the one who's spent years in training to help us in ways we can't fathom until we attempt work with one.

If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) you can check their list of therapists (PHD, PsyD or MSW) against the list offered by your insurance in the event that you'd want to continue past your free sessions with the same therapist.

I hope you'll use this thread to write more about your thoughts and experiences. The people here DO care, and you never know if your writing might also help the next person.

Head high.

I tend to isolate myself in times of struggle, it causes more problems than it solves but at least in my mind I’m not burdening anyone with my problems.

I don’t talk about these things with anyone in my life, and that’s why I thank you guys, because no matter how strong I thought I was, I wasn’t strong enough to face this alone, not being able to see my son every day, being alone most of the time, it was too much for me.

I want you to know that just by talking to me you made me feel less alone, and that already helped me.

I agree more than 100%. People are quick to label others as "whingers" in real life. Boards like this are a great help, as many of us don't have massive support networks.

What you said is true, it was a bad relationship, but in some ways it was the only good thing in my life, apart from my work i had nothing else, when i realized that I felt small, because even if she was a person who made me feel so insignificant, she was also one of the few who accepted me…

I don't think any of us can make ourselves "bomb proof" but people with a good social life and friends outside the joint circle are better placed to recover more quickly and thoroughly than those without. Also, having a satisfying job and good interests outside work and home help, too.

People are quick to label others as "whingers" in real life.

I'd be careful. That's the kind of assumption that keeps some people isolated, and it's too broad of a brush to be useful. 'People' are each unique. The ones who care about us also care about our thoughts and problems, the ones who don't are easy enough to identify and move into 'acquaintance' status.

Isolation is self involvement. Short periods of it can be refreshing if we're introverts, but we can either use that time wisely or unwisely. If we use it to focus on productive things and revive ourselves, we're able to return to being social with renewed energy. But if we use it unwisely, that's a spin into counter-productive thinking and a drill down into the emotions that go along with that. Then we've dug a pit we need to climb out of--and that's difficult, but hardly impossible.

Self involvement is the opposite of some generous wish not to burden anyone. That's just the stuff we can tell ourselves in order to feel good about feeling bad. If the goal is to find purpose and meaning in living, then the means to that would be to reach beyond the self and extend an effort toward helping someone else know that they matter to us. The rewards of that can't be 'imagined' by someone who's focus is limited to the self--it needs to be experienced.

It's a decision.

I'd be careful. That's the kind of assumption that keeps some people isolated, and it's too broad of a brush to be useful. 'People' are each unique. The ones who care about us also care about our thoughts and problems, the ones who don't are easy enough to identify and move into 'acquaintance' status.

 

Isolation is self involvement. Short periods of it can be refreshing if we're introverts, but we can either use that time wisely or unwisely. If we use it to focus on productive things and revive ourselves, we're able to return to being social with renewed energy. But if we use it unwisely, that's a spin into counter-productive thinking and a drill down into the emotions that go along with that. Then we've dug a pit we need to climb out of--and that's difficult, but hardly impossible.

 

Self involvement is the opposite of some generous wish not to burden anyone. That's just the stuff we can tell ourselves in order to feel good about feeling bad. If the goal is to find purpose and meaning in living, then the means to that would be to reach beyond the self and extend an effort toward helping someone else know that they matter to us. The rewards of that can't be 'imagined' by someone who's focus is limited to the self--it needs to be experienced.

 

It's a decision.

When I experienced a marriage break-up, I was very disappointed in the attitudes of people around me. I had seen in fiction and in real life that people rallied round those who had split and were upset about it. I expected a lot of things but this part of a break-up caught me totally by surprise. I also had a very low period around 10 years ago and found that people kept away from me. I'd be very surprised if I was the only person who experienced this.

P.S. I really could have done with a board like this 30 years ago.