I Feel Like Suicide's Inevitable. How Not to Hurt Family and Friends?

I don't think I'm going to last much longer. I've written letters to my roommates, parents, and a friend I've alienated letting them know that it isn't their fault, and that there was nothing they could have done to have prevented it. I know they're going to feel hurt and betrayed regardless, but I'm trying to make it as clear as possible that they're not responsible in any way. I don't know if there's anything else I can do to make it easier for them. I really don't want anyone I care about thinking that they could have done more, because they honestly couldn't have.

It's not inevitable. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you felt this way xlx24 and what are your reasons for wanting to kill yourself?

No one can do for us if we want to die. But we can do for others if we want to, if we become stronger than anything else. Because it is not fair stop our pain by causing pain in others.

Why are you feeling like this? When I am like you, and trust me that just minutes ago I want to kill myself again after living the same humiliations and abuses, then I cried and I run to here. I found your message and I decided to help you, the same way I want to be help.

Write here, open your bag, let the pain go by writing, that will be much better than hurt anyone or to cause affliction in others.

Please don't concern yourself so much with trying to ease your loved ones pain. My dad committed suicide and didn't leave a note. A note might have helped us, but only marginally. What hurt us the most was knowing he must have felt he had nothing to live for but nobody knew. Maybe if he'd have shared whatever turmoil he was in, he would have seen that his problems were not surmountable. Maybe he would have started to see things differently. Thought differently. Got better. But now we'll never know. Why don't you want to continue with life?

There is nothing you can do to ease the pain of those who love you, should you choose to go ahead with your intentions. There is no greater pain than for a parent to lose their child, that's something most people never really recover from. And when they lose their kid to suicide, you know what happens? Their pain is 10 times worse, because in addition to the grief caused by losing a loved one, they will also deal with deep guilt, asking themselves where did they fail you, why weren't they able to see the warning signs and prevent the tragedy? Regardless what you write them on a piece of paper, they will always blame themselves for your act.

Do you really want to inflict this kind of pain on them?

Why don't you just tell us why are you feeling this way, maybe we can help you, or at the very least, hear you out? You've got nothing to lose, we don't know you, it's an anonymous forum, and the final decision is yours anyway, it's not like any of us can talk you out of it or force you to stay alive...

You ask the impossible. Your suicide, no matter how much you might think it, is not inevitable. If you were to, someday, give in, the pain you would cause your loved ones would be inevitable.

You are not going to be able to do or say anything that will prevent your loved ones from feeling such pain and trauma if you go through with it. You could say that, someone committing suicide enables their friends and families to feel a bit of the emptiness that they are feeling. I know you wouldn't wish that pain on the people you care about the most. And it will be something that will haunt them probably their whole lives. Even if you say that it is not their fault, you are in pain, enough pain that you are considering ending your life. Just because you say you were beyond help will not stop others from wondering if they could have pulled you from the edge or done more to stop you from going down whatever path has led you this far.

What has led you here?

I'm sorry for your struggles. We all have our own struggles to deal with, but mental health and suicidal thoughts has to be one of the hardest paths there is. And yet there are people who come out on the other side of it. You can still beat this.

It's not inevitable. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you felt this way xlx24 and what are your reasons for wanting to kill yourself?

I've felt suicidal ever since high school (I'm 27 now), but I've had thoughts of self-harm/cutting since elementary school. As for my reasons: there are so many. I don't feel adequate for anyone or anything. I fail at everything I do. And I've alienated so many friends that I think I deserve this. There's something wrong with me inherently, and I can make things easier for myself and everyone else by removing myself from the equation. Neither therapy nor anti-depressants have any effect.

Why are you feeling like this? When I am like you, and trust me that just minutes ago I want to kill myself again after living the same humiliations and abuses, then I cried and I run to here. I found your message and I decided to help you, the same way I want to be help.

I think the tipping point is the recent loss of a friend. My talk of suicide and depression drove her away and made her think that I was manipulating her. I wasn't, or at least I wasn't intending to. But I feel so awful and hurt that I can't bear the thought of going on. I've hurt someone I care about deeply without even meaning to.

@greta96

I don't want to inflict pain on anyone. I just don't want to feel it myself anymore. Both my parents are aware of this situation, and understand it to an extent. I've already told them that it's not their fault if anything were to happen. I realize that if I do go through with it that they'll feel otherwise, but I just can't envision going on. Every day is torture.

@saluki

I don't know if I can beat it. Nothing's going to change materially or fundamentally. I'm still a loser, and alone, and that's probably never going to change.

We are not an equation, we are human with emotions, we suffer more because we are sensible. You will no make other life easy,you will make the life of others more difficult to handle because you took that path. If you fail, try again, and again. Thomas Edison said: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

People do not realize how serious is to feel this way. Maybe your friend got frustrated because did not know how to help you. If you value that friendship, maybe this is a good moment to call again your friend and tell just what you wrote here and how you feel for disturbing her with your negative thoughts about suicide.

We sometimes hurt others without knowing, I have been there, and trust me their reaction have being disproportionate. What we can do is learn and try no to hurt again anyone.

I don't feel adequate for anyone or anything. I fail at everything I do. And I've alienated so many friends that I think I deserve this. There's something wrong with me inherently, and I can make things easier for myself and everyone else by removing myself from the equation. Neither therapy nor anti-depressants have any effect.

I don't think the problem is you. I think the problem is the assumptions you make about the way people perceive you. You've probably told yourself for so wrong that there's something wrong with you that you've come to absolutely believe it. Have you ever considered that your mindset may be incorrect and you don't fail at everything you do, you just can't perform to your best ability because you're not well. It's like someone with two broken legs feeling like a failure for not being able to run the 100 metre sprint. You can't succeed if you're not well. You can't bring people back into your world again (old friends, family, new friends) at this point but you can in the future. All is not lost. Mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of but they can't be treated as easily as physical ailments can. What works for some, won't work for others.

Do you believe there's even a slight possibility that things could turn around for you? For what it's worth, I think there's a great chance they could.

I don't really know if things can turn around. And even if they do, I'm returning to a status quo that's awful. I didn't really have much going for me before, and I doubt that will change, regardless of what I do.

Don't take life so seriously . Suicide is NOT a solution. If you want to waste your life at least waste it on travelling the world or something like that.

I have very similar issues to you. I cut myself for years and attempted suicide several times in different ways. Medication and therapy also did nothing for me. Probably the only reason I haven't killed myself is the reason you listed, I can't do that to my friends and family. Very recently my close friend died. Seeing his inconsolable family, especially his mother, cemented that killing myself would finally cure all my pain at the expense of everyone who I care about. Don't make your parents bury their kid I've seen it happen more than once and it's awful, something that you wouldn't want anyone else to go through. I truly understand your pain and have felt very similar for a long period of time. While I can't tell you everything will get better I can promise you that if you do kill yourself the amount of pain you're in now will be nothing compared to what your parents will face.

I just don't know anymore. I don't want to hurt my family or friends, but I don't see any other option. The thought of going on is unbearable.

Xlz, what are the main things right now that are causing you pain? I'm not sure I understand enough about depression to help you, and I know it's different person to person and by gender, but I would like to try. I've had periods of depression in my own life and a sort of lifelong struggle with shyness and social anxiety. I know sometimes for me, depression hits when I think about the things I need to change in my life and it all seems so terribly overwhelming. For me, I've found daily exercise (even when I can't be bothered), healthy eating and focusing on just one or two goals/problems at a time to be a huge help.

Now I know that given you mentioned self harm that you probably need more treatment than just a few lifestyle changes. But even if they just made a small difference it might help for now. What sort of treatment/therapy have you had? Antidepressants can be a nightmare or a godsend depending on what works for you. Also, there are various types of therapy available such as CBT, exposure therapy, group therapies, even meetup groups (meetup.com) can offer a source of support and a chance to meet new people on your wave length.

Can you Invision what you life would be like if you weren't depressed? What would it look like? What would you be doing? Is it really 100% certain that the way you feel right now is permanent, completely fixable and nothing will ever get better?