Am I asking for too much?

By living in 2 different cities, my boyfriend and I only see each other once a week.

There is 1.5hours driving time in between us, but as I don't drive, It takes me 2.5hours on the train and plus about 40mins-1hour of time get to and wait in train station. I have asked him if he wants to move to my city (as he drives it's easier, I think 3 hours of driving isn't so bad for seeing and living with the person you love). But he refused, he thinks it's too much and the trouble will destroy us. I suggest we can move to somewhere in middle of our cities, he again thinks it's too much trouble (but before I asked about this, he said he wants to live with me but just blame on the distance, that's why I go ahead asked)

Then without able to see each other everyday, I requested him to show more interest in stuff I posted online (Facebook) or on a phone-app called WECHAT. What WECHAT does is similar to tweeter, you follow a person, and you can see what that person post on, including picture and few sentences. The follower can comment on the post, or thumb-up on things they think is good. I frequently use WECHAT, basically during my everyday life, interesting things I see, good food I have, or any thoughts I have during the day.

But again, he refused to follow me on WECHAT (after I installed the app for him on his phone). He thinks it's just STUPID pictures about dogs or food -- which is not, as I explained above, its basically everything I found interesting in my day, or anything happened to me in my day. I explained to him that, but he still refused to follow my posts. He said if I want to share anything with him, I can write him on whatsapp, but he is not going to check out my stupid posts about food or dog (he still insist to say so after I explained to him billion of times). But sometimes it's just a small thing happened and I want to share with him as well as my other friends, I don't understand why I have to specific write to him about it but he just can't simply do a clicking to find out, FOR ME.

He claims it's 'JUST' stupid phone-app posts, but it's not like he is doing anything 'in real life'. After work he claims he is tired and play computer games or watch stuff to relax, only concert about my life when I call him, oh well, occasionally text me to ask how's my day...

After we communicate about this for a long time, he finally agreed to start to looking at them. In the past whole week, he never asked about anything I posted, didn't comment and didn't thumb up on anything, until today, I posted a night-sky picture then he thumb up. So I asked him how come he didn't say or did anything for my other posts, did he find them boring. He said he didn't find them interesting to discuss with me and definitely not worth a thumb up. But those are the things happening in my life... he think they are not more interested, and not more worth a thumb up than a picture I pulled from internet? I went pretty pissed off and he just think I am being unreasonable, and even at a point when we argue, he called me 'crazy biitch '

All I want, is he can pay more attention on what's happening to me everyday, be more curious about what's happening to me everyday, as we are already NOT living together, he shows no interest to things happen in my daily life, and thinks I am 'unreasonable' to request more attention from him. I just really cant understand what kind of relationship this is, when he shows so little interest, or should I say, he is willing to put so little afford to be interested in me. and of course, he deny on all of these, he insist he does care about what's going on to me but will not do it over an app... but I don't know what else he did to match the caring he claims.

I am feeling pretty upset here, can anyone give me some suggestions if I am asking for too much?

I don't think this is going to work. Why should he have to move because you don't drive? Why must he follow the minutia of your life and comment on it?

I think that distance and lack of compatible interests signal that this won't last. Find someone local who thinks social media is worthwhile.

For goodness sakes, learn to drive girl!!! You are asking entirely too much. Driving long distances is very exhausting, more than taking the train!

I first suggested we move to somewhere in between us, and later the idea of moving to my city. The reason I suggested that was we have been going out for years and I have recently moved to his country (before we only get to see each other once in 1-2 month). Also he expressed the thought of wanting to move in with me, that's why I was trying to suggest something to make it happen.

But even without one moving to another, 2 people in a relationship lives in different cities, don't you think it make sense for both of them concert about other one's life more frequently? As they don't get to see each other everyday?

it is not everything 'minutia stuff', there is also important stuff there too. I just would imagining if one person post stuff on facebook frequently, it's really weird that his/her partner never give a about them.

yes, and I end up skipping half day every friday to take 3-4 hours train to him now, with changing train in between, it's not that easy either for doing so every week for me. everyweek I feel my week just started but then it's ending already because I have to pack on thursday and leave friday afternoon.

he actually has a colleague who lives in my city and drives to work everyday, so that he can live with his girlfriend...

But my main issue here is not about the driving or distant, it is that he refused to pay attention on something I posts my everyday life details on. I would love to share with him personally, which I did already for most of the stuff. But sometimes I might forgot about tiny things when we chat (which it is me calling him 90% of the time).

I just think if I were him, I would be very interested to my gf's posts to learn what happened to her when it happen, and then chat with her about them when we talk...

Before my bf and I lived together (after 4 years) not only did I not talk to him every day, but I could have cared less what he had for lunch, if he saw a dog on his travels, etc. Seriously...

Did you move to his country for him, or for work?

Does he ever drive to see you? Call you first before you call him?

both. it's a work I found in his country, but only because of him I applied to that country. He knows that. and he also knew and also wants to take a big step forward in our relationship.

I actually didnt say anything about this moving or living in 2 cities thing in the past whole year. I only brought it up recently with him because he refused to pay attention on my account (plus didnt take enough initial action on concerning about me). So that's why it light up my frame, I just think, we already NOT living together, and you don't show interest in something that contains my daily life information, what's the point of us being together.

I don't know...what is the point? He seems pretty disinterested.

However, I also think social media is a crock of dog poop.

he comes to my place too, but only when I request, and he doesnt like it much. mostly he expect me to go to him, because his house is nicer and bigger.

and he never (well, 99% of the time) dont call me first. he writes on whatsapp though. when I complain about that, he said its just easier to write so he wont disturbing me if i am doing something else...

i know, my point is that he shows disinterested. but he deny and think what i am asking for is too much. I just don't think so and feel wrongs.

Yes, TOO much! Communicate DIRECTLY with him. If he's that important to you that you would consider living together, he's important enough to converse with one-on-one.

I don't see what you are asking for as too much. Why can't you live together?

Does one of you rent a home, and the other own theirs? This could be quite decisive as to who goes where.

most of the things i post in the app, I also write/talk to him 1-to-1 already.

But as I feel he never took the initial action to get to know my day, I guess that's the real reason I upset about he doesnt check on my posts.

because we are in two different cities with a distant of 1.5hours of driving, OR 3hours by train.

I am willing to live with him in a place in between of our cities, and take 1.5hours on the train to work everyday, but he doesn't want to do that.

well, both of our places are rental, but his place is a whole house, and mine is just a small studio. Yes I agree it's more comfortable to stay in his place than mine. but its more about willing, afford etc. he just doesnt show enough interest in me in every way. But what pisses me off is when I bring it up, he deny and think I am crazy and asking for too much.

I agree with previous post, social media is nonsense. It's for companies to find out what your favourite cheese is and what toilet tissue you prefer. Stop investing energy in it, I also think that most guys don't like it or get it. In a long distance relationship you should be using Skype to actually gauge reactions in conversation, and setting dates to see each other in person. Twitter is laying off a lot of staff presently, maybe it's because people have started to engage with each other in person again (hopefully).

ok.. thank you for this. it helps for me to hear other people's opinion.

I guess I was upset about it, not only because of he doesnt pay attention on this app thing, but more about he doesnt care to call me first until I contact him, etc. and then this app thing issue comes in and just light up the fire.

maybe I should have talk to about our problem from another perspective.

well, both of our places are rental, but his place is a whole house, and mine is just a small studio. Yes I agree it's more comfortable to stay in his place than mine. but its more about willing, afford etc. he just doesnt show enough interest in me in every way. But what pisses me off is when I bring it up, he deny and think I am crazy and asking for too much.

Then why are you still with him? He do issues your concerns, he isn't interested in what you are doing and he doesn't initiate communication

Does one of you rent a home, and the other own theirs? This could be quite decisive as to who goes where.

I don't think it would matter.

It appears he sees nothing but road blocks and obstacles.

I suspect if the road was clear, he'd just create some more.

Someone who's enthusiastic will behave so.

This one doesn't. . not in the least.

I know... I agree!

But instead of just throwing out of the window, I want to try to solve it first. But the problem is he doesnt see it as a problem and he thinks he cares about me a lot already. So I was just wondering if I am asking for too much. I guess he prefer someone is more independent but I want a guy with much more concerning and caring...

yeah that's the way I feel about what's going on ...

Yes you are asking too much! My partner doesn't use any sort of social media, which doesn't make any difference to me. If I felt I had to post everything I found interesting about my day online, I would soon get sick of doing that and so would the people who see my posts!

Anyway I guess it is different when you do live so far apart, but if he works or study through the day I wouldn't be bothering him anyway. 1 phone call minimum a day is suffice and perhaps the odd text through the day. I do spend nights with my partner every night unless he is working away. So we don't really have any need to contact each other through the day, we do now and then though.

My ex and I lived over an hour apart and we were the same, the odd text through the day and a phone call at night, we only saw each other once or twice a week too.

Everyone is different though and have different expectations for relationships.

You might find if you back off a bit and not be so needy, he may show a bit more interest in you and the relationship.

Okay, a few things going on here.

First...regarding the app that's like Twitter. He finally 'thumbs up' on a picture and your only response was to ask him why he didn't like your previous posts. You chose to focus on the negative.

HOWEVER...I think you are extra-sensitive about him not seeming to care because of the fact that he hadn't demonstrated any type of concern for your day-to-day well-being (not calling you but choosing to play video games, etc). So when I take that into consideration...I could definitely understand why you were upset about the 'thumbs up' situation.

But all of that aside. There's something you mentioned that I want to discuss. He called you a crazy b****. I know you love this guy, but this type of name-calling is one of the ultimate displays of disrespect. I mean, you shouldn't even say that about a friend, much less a girlfriend you love!

That was completely uncalled for! I would have been livid. If I had been you and he had called me that, the last thing he would have seen would be my butt as I walk out the door for the last time. Just no. I don't care if you were arguing. He does not respect you and there is no excuse for that.

Just as a real lady doesn't call her man names...a true gentleman doesn't call his woman an awful name like that.

I am sure this is not the relationship you wanted...him not trying to keep in touch with you, and calling you an awful name.

If I were you I would sit down and think about the things he does for you, I mean really does, without you asking. I'm sure you'll know what to do then.