When You Truly Just Want to Be Friends?

I've been casually dating a young woman for close to six months now. We see each other maybe three times a week on average and the majority of our time spent together involves hanging out in my apartment smoking weed and watching documentaries, independent films and obscure TV shows. It's actually the makings of a perfect friendship, however, when we started dating it was more akin to an actual slow burning relationship wherein there was a mutual physical attraction. Since that time, my attraction to her physical appearance has quickly waned to the point of little to no interest on my part.

This is due to several factors, not least of all a realization that, aside from the physical aspect, there are certain things about myself (my current station in life) and aspects of our interactions that I'm finding irritating and annoying. This is not to fault her in any way as I believe these things are coming from my own personal preferences concerning what attracts me to a woman. I'm finding that the closer we become, the more glaring this problem gets and I'm finding myself stressing out regularly over how to handle the situation. If there were some way to lessen the romantic aspect of our interaction and remain friends, only removing the physical relationship from the equation, I believe things would be beneficial to us both. Unfortunately, I don't see any way to call things off without hurting her and ruining any future for a friendship. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Breaking up with someone sucks, no matter how you intellectualize it. Rip the Bandaid off, that's all you can do. She'll either agree to be friends or she won't - there isn't much you can do if she's too hurt to be your friend, but it would be very wrong of you to continue this relationship when your heart isn't in it.

Just tell her how you feel but in a way that seems kind and gentle. You don't want to come accross as an insensitive jerk. Maybe something like "You know i really like you, but I feel like us dating will ruin the perfect friendship we already have. Right now i really treasure that, and I'm not really ready for this kind of change. I"m realllllllllly sorry." Make sure to make it sound like it is your fault and not hers, surprisingly that still works on women.

Don't have any hopes or sights set on being Actual friends for anytime in the near future. You're going to be playing with fire if you do. Unless her feelings toward your appearance have waned too where she's not all that about you (would have to be visual; otherwise, why strive to be friends, right?) -- you'd be leading her on by hanging out 1-on-1 with her right afterwards. You'd get horny at some point and hook up once in a while, even if it wasn't often at all.

Aim to stay "friends" as in not dropping each other off facebook, and only Occasionally hanging out in Groups, not 1-on-1, nor frequently at all for a while really. You can't have your cake & eat it, too.

How would you like it if you were dating a hottie, you're ga-ga about her, but she wanted to be friends and hang out 1-on-1? Of course you'd take what you could get for a while -- but then you'd get frustrated because you couldn't get ANY intimacy on any level out of her (except rare occasion of slight amount to keep it going) -- and you'd be Really Pissed in the end, as she was just trying to get what she could out of you (while she banged Bob in his truck before meeting up with you a lot).

Dude, don't try and have your cake & eat it too. Discuss. Unless she's not that into you (phew?) -- move on & part ways for a while.

Sorry, you can't have it all your way, because you are part of two and she gets a say in it. All you can do is tell her how you feel, break up with her and see if she agrees with you or if she wants anything to do with you after that. And take it from there. In the end you can't "make" another person do anything, all you can do is what makes you happy and not use someone else for your purposes and needs. If you aren't feeling it after six months, and typically that is often the time when relationships will either deepen or insurmountable issues will come up, then it's time to speak up now. The longer you drag this out the more you're going to hurt her when you find someone else and you will eventually, and you either cheat or break up with her to be with someone else. Do her a massive favor and don't do that to her. It hurts so much less to be told, "Look, this isn't working for me" at six months than to be told, "I never loved you" after two years and then you go immediately to some other girl.

It’s been years since you posted. I hope all is truly well

Thread is five years old and the OP has not returned in 4 years. Thread closed.