"Completely free to do my thing" Why would a guy say this?

Sure most of you know, been dating a guy for 2months+ Actually my ex. He has worked for roughly 3-4 months to get my attention to try again.

Things started off badly, couldn’t get the right speed. Invested too much, he invested too little. But after I realized I had nothing to lose and one big fight later letting him know what I thought of his behavior at the time and walking out (I thought for good, never stuck up for myself like that b4) He has been great.

-I have calmed down, I think he feels more relaxed.

-We have not had to have 'talks'

-We laugh more, a lot actually which makes me comfortable to be my dorky self.

-Gives me more of his time and even pays for dinner or offers me treats at home.

-Is more physically affectionate with cuddles and kisses and head rubs.

-Is more open with advice and his thoughts, when he lost his job he told me about his possible plans, which scared me a little made me realize how easily I could lose him but I supported him instead and didn't mention us.

-He joked and said he was going to 'hack' my phone and opened my messages page. He opened the chat between his friend and I. I think he was just seeing who I had been texting. First time he has been curious.

-His style in bed has changed, he focuses on MY pleasure, has changed his technique and I am trusting him more to put me before him relax and truly let go (haven't got the finish line yet but close).

-After mirroring the biting he does to me during sex, instead while watching tv he dissolved in a fit of giggles, I peeled his clothes off and finally made him come through my own mouth/hand stimulation which I could not before, he always had to finish himself.Guess he did what he wanted done to him? LOL

So I have been feeling pretty good about how things are going.

Yesterday morning though something happened that made me remember he has not asked officially to be mine.I expressed my concerned and asked if I should care. I also added that I was not really sure where we are at and if I should still be dating.

He said “You are still completely free to do your thing babes” and joked about what I was worried about.

I didn’t realize he was joking and wrote a straight forward reply, but didn’t give all my cards away. I said ‘my thing’ did not include getting numbers at the bar of having one night stands and if having one night stands while sleeping with me is where we were at then I should not be sleeping with him. After second reading I asked “Or do you mean hypothetically? He laughed and said yes hypothetically. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and also as others have said, nothing is set in place. I want him to be the one to do it too.

Anyway 'my thing' I actually had planned a date for tonight before this conversation.Just keeping my eye out and keeping my focus solely off him.

But WHY would he say I'm free to do my thing after chasing me for months, going through a rocky start to where we are now? All I said about it is I hope you aren't too comfortable about me doing my thing amongst another meaningless text. We have just been joking sending silly pics as normal since.

Does he want me to make sure he is the one for me by testing things out, not making him my world?

If he is seeing others (ok I guess, but weird seeing as 'he wanted to be with me')do you think is is sleeping with them?

Or is he just testing me.

WHY would a guy say this?

He wants to be free to see other people too.

He does not want to be exclusive.

Could be that he has no intent to see other people, but if he asks you to be exclusive then your EXPECTATIONS of him go up. It puts more pressure on him.

His actions sound great, though. Try to be light and breezy and not act anxious or stressed out, question where it's going etc. Isn't he the one who said you should act hard to get? And didn't I give you a list of what you should be doing to be more hard to get? Expressing concern about where the relationship is headed is NOT being hard to get. It is the polar opposite.

Hey, yeah that makes sense. Guess it is a little bit out of column a, b and c. Just kind of confused the hell out of me given he is actually putting some effort in.

I used to long for him to cuddle me in bed, now I struggle not to have part of his body on me in some way. I happen to be there when he was sick one night (came down with fever while I was there) He was all over me and the next day said he dreamed/hallucinated that every time he touched me he got a little bit better. I like how his fevered mind works hahaha! Next day I got some cold and flu, vitamins etc said feel better and went and did my own thing. He took me to dinner that night. WIN!

I haven't asked where the relationship was going, but I won't accept behavior that risks my own health and safety. I have not said that I have been dating (or at least in the mindset of) and have my online profile still up etc, but I guess I did express my own boundaries. I had a lot on my mind at first. I put it in my notes in my phone, then erased it. Kept my wild thought to myself bar a few.

Since doing some things I used to do in my uni days, like accepting dates (this will be the first one mind) and getting back into my arts my mind set has changed a little and things don't bother me like they did. When I say something to him now I don't repeat it. He hears me, he might not act like it sometimes but he will often bring up or do things I mentioned days ago on his own.

I have learned I have said my bit on the issue and don't need to bring it up again like I did in the past.

Going to go back and read your posts again.

Well my date with other guy (who is older too) went really well I think. He paid for all drinks and after getting out at his stop in the cab, paid the rest of my fare.

While I don't expect him to do this again it did make me feel very special.

Looks like I wont have to pretend to not have all my focus on him after all. If anything it is a bit confusing haha!

Although when I woke up this morning, it was original guy that I thought of, despite having a fantastic night. Who knows, if he doesn't act soon he MIGHT just lose me. lol

I'm confused.. what kind of relationship do you want with your ex?

Since your going on dates with other guys, it sounds like you both are dating other people but you would like your Ex to only have sex with you (sexual exclusivity while dating other people). Is this correct?

Or are you dating other guys in hopes that it will prompt your Ex to make your relationship official again (boyfriend/girlfriend; no sex and no dating with others)?

I find his actions (good) and his words (not that promising) confusing.

Its hard not to be blind sided by people when you are with them. He is still contacting you to do things? No pull back from him at all?

Hi Iggles.

After hearing this statement from the guy I have been seeing, I decided to make loose plans to meet up with someone into an actual meetup, as at this stage we are still casual dating and both free to do what we want. I thought I would be a fool then to put my energy into one person who does not seem ready to do the same.

I would like very much for them to say or suggest that they want to be with me and only me, but not because I cornered them with 'a talk' and made them say it. I care for them greatly, but I need to protect my own heart too and be prepared they may not ever say this too me, but still allow them upressured time to make a decision.

I don't think he is actually dating/sleeping with anyone else, one night stands included? But I could never really know.

This was the first date I have been on for 3 months. I had not been interested or thought I should up until this point. Its not to prompt him to do anything, its just looking out for other prospects that are also complimentary in case he wants to stay in a permanent state of casual dating or elite FWB situation.

Hung out yesterday. He is still reaching out to me more for cuddles kissed etc, as I said before he was never like this in the past. It was a nice afternoon, went for a walk chilled at the lake.

However this morning I did have my suspicions confirmed that he has slept with someone else while we have been dating. Using one of the condoms I brought over (and still have not tried). I think I'm more pissed that he used what I brought over for us more than anything, also that he made up some story about them flying around the room(wedged between magazines)

There was a call from a girl awhile back when he was being neglectful, I was getting angry and suspected interest this party girl. We had a big fight, I walked out suggesting it was over and after that he has been a different person. I suspect it was around this time that it happened.

So as we weren't/aren't exclusive I'm not mad, just annoyed about using my supplies and not being truthful.

I left a short note saying its its right to date others but I'm looking to be exclusive with the right person and before going further, are we on the same page? Nothing emo, no ultimatum. I'm feeling surprisingly calm.

Perhaps I should leave the past in the past, its confused me for sure but he has been more loving than ever.

He's happy to be getting laid by multiple women.

It's a not a lovely feeling being lied to. I feel stupid for thinking he was sincerely interested and more stupid for giving him the benefit if the doubt. I have had a lot of things happen in relationships, being lied to is not one of them not sure this is going to go well in the future as far as trusting others.

Learned a lesson though, not everyone is as nice as past people I've gone out with.

Lay down with dogs you will wake up with fleas.

Thanks mrs Darcy you are always right and I feel pretty rotten right now.

He actually sought me out to talk about it all and say sorry. Well we haven't quite had time to yet, only a brief mentioning until tomorrow but the general idea is

-He does not remember this event but we agreed it was early on in his party phase. We agree the last month has been spectacular. I would wonder though if he were blackout drunk again if it might happen again, despite the new habit of calling and coming over in the middle of the night. Never for sex, just laughs and chats and cuddles.

-Doing my own thing: I were out and kissed someone in the moment, not hunting it out though. I said I would not like it if he did it. Not sure on his stand of actual dates and emotions, dont think he would be ok with that.

-He wanted to get me back because he liked me. But said he does not think we are forever, just until one of us moves away at this stage. This hurts. It is practical as there is an age gap and we both have things to do (schooling) but one always hopes the guy she likes would invite her to join. He sees it as enjoying each other time, I see it as a sad goodbye at some stage. But I am not really ready to say goodbye yet.

- I did not mention the other guy. But I am not sure how to handle it, after all he does nice things for me (brought me an emergency hangover pack to work unexpected yesterday) but I don't know him at all or what he has to offer.

Ill have to break it off, there is no question, I dont think I can have him as a friend either as I find him so attractive. Maybe he will move away and save me the trouble. He does keep reminding me about life outside of the resort, returning to school and all of that. It makes me realise I am a dreamer and get life-sidetracked. I have learned a lot of other things from him too. To see grey too rather than just black and white.

This is the last of him.

From now it could be all about emergency hangover pack guy, or none at all. I have been super happy/high and then had a reality reminder. Ships in the night, oh to be young/ger again.

Thanks for the advice everyone, its been way out of my own experience.