How do you stop feeling so insecure about boyfriend going to bar with his friend

I am in a relationship with this guy for the past 3.5 months. He is very trusthworthy and honest, etc. In the past he would ask me if he can go out with his friend to the bar because he knew I get very nervous. Well, the other day i decided it is completely ridiculous. We dont live together, we arent married. It is all because of my trust issue. So, I told him i dont want him to feel he has to ask me whenever he wants to do anything. Anyways, tonight he is going out with his buddy (whom I have met) and he let me know. Thats fine, because it isnt like I want to get permission every time I want to have a drink with my gf or go out for a girls night out. Anyways, so he is going out with him tonight, and I am trying my hardest to have faith and trust in him. It is just very hard, because I am deathly afraid of being cheated on. Even though I know he wouldn't just the thought of my boyfriend getting drunk worries me that he will make a bad decision. He even texts me when he is out, and calls or texts when he gets home. Just tonight I decided if we are going to have a future together, I need to give him his time to himself and not bombard him with texts.

I just want to hear stories of people whose SO goes out with his/her friends and your ok with it? yes i need a kick in the butt tonight!

Here's the thing ... he knows you are uncomfortable with it, doesn't push it with you, and you still gave him the green light. I can tell you as a man, that he appreciates that, it shows trust, it shows that you are trying to grow in the relationship, and it shows that you love and care that he take time for himself.

Sure, you're at home Jonesn' about it, but that's ok ... you'll make it through, and he'll appreciate it. BUT, remember, he is out, don't go ballistic if you don't hear from him, and leave him alone while he is out. I think it's fantastic you are stretching yourself out of your comfort zone. You are going to be better off for it, and I think that rocks.

Cheers to you!

~dig

He sounds like a really sweet guy and even likes to text you while he is out. A know a few guys who don't do that.

You have a good one it appears. It's okay to relax.

I think this can be a real issue for quite a few people and can be very problematic adjusting or coming to grips with, even though there is no reason not to trust.

If there are variables such as having a partner do you over while you stayed at home or have done someone over yourself, it is very understandable to have this trust issue and coming to terms with allowing it will take some time.

He sounds like a really sweet guy and even likes to text you while he is out. A know a few guys who don't do that.

 

You have a good one it appears. It's okay to relax.

 

I soooo agree with MamaMet on this one.

I soooo agree with MamaMet on this one.

aweeeeeeee you're bf sounds amazing ! i want him >

lol

just relax ! you have no probable cause so don't get hyped up over a though. maybe get some counseling or something before you make a mistake and let your insecurities get in the way. I mean I'd understand if he were a shady person, but he's not. Have a little faith

before we were married my wife went out with her friends every couple of weeks to the bar seen. Bars are not not my scene. It was tough for the first several months because of fear she might cheat like my 1st gf. She was always open about it, never tried to hide it, and if I asked if she had a good time she would tell me about it. Often she would be out till 2am or so.. The only time I got really concerned was at the beginning when would tell me she was going out with a guy friend. After a couple months of dating I learned her guy friend was gay. Over time the concern faded as I learned to trust her and she never violated that trust. I never told her it was on my mind but she knew that my first relationship went sour because if infidelity.

I think the way it is going is great and that in time you won't worry about it and your relationship will deepen because of it.. Enjoy those evenings when he is out and look forward to the next time you see him.

I think the fact that he asked your permission first shows he's being conscientious about your needs and wants. If a guy is going to cheat on you, he doesn't have to go to the bar to do it. However, I understand about being concerned that he gets drunk, maybe has problems w/self-control..

I have issues with my bf going to the bar because my ex is an alcoholic. He wanted to go to bars CONSTANTLY. Also, my bf will flirt with girls, and I find out about it the next day...this doesn't make me too happy. If it becomes a constant thing of going ot the bars all the time and it eats into your time with him, which is what my bf wants to do, then you may have something to worry about. Right now, it seems he's being attentive to your needs.

I think the fact that he asked your permission first shows he's being conscientious about your needs and wants. If a guy is going to cheat on you, he doesn't have to go to the bar to do it. However, I understand about being concerned that he gets drunk, maybe has problems w/self-control..

 

I have issues with my bf going to the bar because my ex is an alcoholic. He wanted to go to bars CONSTANTLY. Also, my bf will flirt with girls, and I find out about it the next day...this doesn't make me too happy. If it becomes a constant thing of going ot the bars all the time and it eats into your time with him, which is what my bf wants to do, then you may have something to worry about. Right now, it seems he's being attentive to your needs.

My issue here is probably from my past. No, I know it is. I had an ex bf from years ago. He probably went to bars like 2-4 days a week. It wasnt just that, he was a flirt. He would attend the lingerie shows there and take pictures with the girls who apparently knew him by 1st name. I tried to make friends with the girls, but it didnt help because when he made a comment about how good she looked in the thong, it showed no regard for me. Anyways, that is the past, but you know how the past has a way of coming back and biting you in the behind! were going to be living together before too long, so I am just letting him enjoy his time right now and trying to relax about it as difficult as it is not to worry.

He texts you while he's out with the boys?

Okay, let me get this straight...

He TEXTS YOU while he's OUT WITH THE BOYS?!

KEEPER.

My issue here is probably from my past. No, I know it is. I had an ex bf from years ago. He probably went to bars like 2-4 days a week. It wasnt just that, he was a flirt. He would attend the lingerie shows there and take pictures with the girls who apparently knew him by 1st name. I tried to make friends with the girls, but it didnt help because when he made a comment about how good she looked in the thong, it showed no regard for me. Anyways, that is the past, but you know how the past has a way of coming back and biting you in the behind! were going to be living together before too long, so I am just letting him enjoy his time right now and trying to relax about it as difficult as it is not to worry.

I feel for you. I let my college girlfriend go out with the girls. I was 20, she was 21, and I couldn't hit the bars with her. She dumped me for a guy she met there one night. They got married a year later.

Fast forward to today, I had an awesome girlfriend, whom I encouraged to have her own life outside our relationship. She went out with the girls one too many times. I started to get upset. Like your man, my girl would often text me while she was out, telling me she was thinking of me. Eventually I broke down, had a hard time with it, and she dumped me. Don't make the same mistake I did.

He texts you while he's out with the boys?

 

Okay, let me get this straight...

 

He TEXTS YOU while he's OUT WITH THE BOYS?!

 

KEEPER.

I feel for you. I let my college girlfriend go out with the girls. I was 20, she was 21, and I couldn't hit the bars with her. She dumped me for a guy she met there one night. They got married a year later.

 

Fast forward to today, I had an awesome girlfriend, whom I encouraged to have her own life outside our relationship. She went out with the girls one too many times. I started to get upset. Like your man, my girl would often text me while she was out, telling me she was thinking of me. Eventually I broke down, had a hard time with it, and she dumped me. Don't make the same mistake I did.

I kinda had a feeling you were probably like me...affected negatively by a past relationship. This is something we as humans can't help. We are all the product of our experiences.

That is exactly what's going on with me. My bf WAS texting me from the bar, but that has tapered off. That, combined with him expressing a desire to do MORE of this bar-going WITHOUT ME and spending less time with me...PLUS he comes back from the bar, telling me about girls that are hot for him...it's giving me some serious issues that are threatening our relationship.

Let's face it - we all know bars can be totally unconducive places for relationships. People go to bars..why? To get drunk. To hook up. Neither of which is good for a rel'ship..I mean, unless you're going to a bar to see a band..or maybe do karaoke or something. That's different. So..your unease, even if you DIDN'T have a bad experience from before, is understandable.

HOWEVER...I think you don't have much to worry about.

Let's look at your situation, versus mine:

1) Your boyfriend doesn't go to the bar without you that often.

Now, like I said..if this changes, and he starts wanting to go more, like my bf is, and it cuts into your alone time..then yeah. You may develop an issue with it.

2) Your boyfriend texts you the whole time..that's great! You know he's thinking of you. Most importantly, he calls you when he gets home. That's awesome. That means, he wants to reassure you that a) he didn't go home with some bar floozy and b) he got home safely.

That's AWESOME!

Once again, if that behavior changes, you may want to reconsider your approval of this behavior.

My bf did all these things, too, but now he's not. So..he and I need to discuss all this, and if he's not willing to change, I may have to walk. I just know in my heart, I cannot be in another situation like I was with my ex, ever again.

HOpefully this won't happen to you.

I am sorry, it is hard to deal with, i know. I am ok with him going once a week as long as it is only guys. He has female friends too, but unless its a large group, I am not ok with that and he understands that. So, with that being said, if he wants to go out with his buddy once a week, its fine.