I think today might be the day.

Yes.. I'm not even sure where we stand right now..

Long story short.. on Friday night, I made plans with my boyfriend to go to the theatre to watch a movie. I knew he had been feeling down, so he might say no, but I wanted to invite him just in case. He agreed, and met us there about an hour before to get some food. He had been around on his own before that and he had a few drinks, I could tell. Well he had a couple more while we were getting food before the movie and he was buzzed. Suddenly, he decided he didn't want to see the movie and admitted that he felt guilted into it cause he thought I would be mad if he didn't go. So I said it was okay and if he wanted to go home, he would. He said he was going to go home and play call of duty. It was fine, I was just giving him the space he wanted. (read my other recents posts for background on what he's going through)

Anyways, I had a suspicion that he wasn't going to go home and I was right. I got home after midnight and he wasn't there. His phone was dead, too so I had no way of contacting him. I had no idea where he was, but knew he would probably come home very drunk. And he did.. apparently he ended up meeting some random people and went to a gay bar with them. It would have been nice to know where he went. He came home and told me about it and told me he had fun. I was a little upset because I had been worried. At this point, I knew we were going to get into it.. I don't even remember how it started but he started off saying how my friends and I have boring conversations.. how we have a boring life. How he just wants to be alone. I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said no. I said wouldn't breaking up make things harder on you and he said yes, but he would accept the challenge. He also said he loved me but the feelings were gone... So I asked him if we were broken up and he said yes. I was crying and upset. He swore at me a couple times, swore at himself. Told me to go to bed every time I said something after a certain point. It just wasn't a good scene and I was pretty mad that he would come home and treat me that way.

In the morning, he pretended as if nothing happened. I knew he didn't mean the break up.. but he still said these things, even if he was drunk. So he was being friendly with me in the morning but I wasn't having it. I asked him if he remembered how he treated me last night and he said yes. And I told him it's not okay for him to treat me like that and he said he knows. And I said a couple other things but he never said anything and went to sleep. We hardly talked at all after that and haven't really since.

So today I need to make the decision and I think we will be breaking up. If we aren't already... I am just so sad. This whole situation he is in started because of drinking and now that's what ending our relationship. My dad was an alcoholic. My ex was. Why do I always fall into these relationships where I have to save people??

The worst part of breaking up, is that I know that once we aren't talking.. I am going to have thoughts over and over in my head of what I could have done differently and what mistakes I made. I always seem to take the blame for anything that went wrong and I am now. I feel like because he stopped doing things he used to (like sweet, romantic things) in the first year of our relationship, I became insecure.. drove him away, ultimately to cheat and then it just went downhill. I feel like I am going to blame myself because if I hadn't been insecure maybe we would be better. Oh, there are so many things that could have been different.

I just want to be over him and on with my life. I love him too much. Every time I look at him I think how handsome he is and how great things used to be and I can't let go. But I have to now.. and I feel like it's my fault. Even though I know that it's not just me who has to take the blame.. it seems easier if I just take it all.

The horse is dead, stop kicking it. He has been trying to get away from you for a while and it's obvious that your feelings are not important to him. Cut the cord and start the break up mourning process. I'm sorry that it has gotten this far.

Wow, did he ever even apologize for talking to you like an ass and blowing it all off the next morning?

Being distant, snappish, irritable, whatever, is understandable with the car accident and everything else he's going through. But nothing excuses lying to you, swearing at you, insulting you and your friends, and pretending like nothing's wrong the next day, aside from just being a jerk. Kick his ass out.

No, he didn't. I said 'and you didn't even apologize' and then he's like 'sorry'. But he didn't say it sincerely and he only said it because I brought it up.

You're a kind, considerate person D, and sound like a great girlfriend. I know it's tough to imagine now but there is much, much better out there.

You're a kind, considerate person D, and sound like a great girlfriend. I know it's tough to imagine now but there is much, much better out there.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

I feel like by leaving him I'm giving up on him. Everyone needs someone to believe in them. This is exactly what happened with my ex. His own issues with drinking and family problems got in the way of our relationship and I held on because I believed in him and thought he needed that. But that's not enough. I can't change anyone. Everyone tried to help my dad, too, when he was drinking.. but only he could.

The horse is dead, stop kicking it. He has been trying to get away from you for a while and it's obvious that your feelings are not important to him. Cut the cord and start the break up mourning process. I'm sorry that it has gotten this far.

This. It's not your responsibility to save him. He's an adult and needs to be responsible for himself. You've held on a long time, but he keeps trying to get away. I know how you feel about your dad, my dad had drinking problems, too. Don't let yourself fall into these kinds of relationships. It will only spark bad memories and make you upset. You will be okay through this.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

 

I feel like by leaving him I'm giving up on him. Everyone needs someone to believe in them. This is exactly what happened with my ex. His own issues with drinking and family problems got in the way of our relationship and I held on because I believed in him and thought he needed that. But that's not enough. I can't change anyone. Everyone tried to help my dad, too, when he was drinking.. but only he could.

Does he believe in you? Was there any strength and support from him when dealing with your insecurities? Seems like he made them worse.

I don't think either are you are good for each other.

Needs to help himself, you need to help yourself.

Putting blame on yourself isn't the answer. It took the two of you to reach where you are now, plain and simple.

Take responsibility for YOUR part, learn from it, and move on.

You are not to blame, and blaming yourself won't do any good.

giving you this advise because I've read your previous threads and honestly I could relate to you a few months ago.

This guy doesnt give you ANYTHING you need.

he has emotionally cheated, has said he doesnt want to be in a relationship before, has done it again. is constantly lying to you and blowing you off...

There are sooo soo many signs of "hes just not that into to you" like you are into him.

you keep holding on to something that simply isnt there.. Ive told you before and well I will say it again love yourself more.