"Being a challenge"

As a spinoff from my last thread. How exactly does one be a challenge?

I always thought being a "challenge" should not even be an effort. By having your own life and interest completely separate from a" relationship" you are automatically MORE

desireable. I always think of the saying..."don't play hard to get..BE hard to get'.

I always thought being a "challenge" should not even be an effort. By having your own life and interest completely separate from a" relationship" you are automatically MORE

desireable. I always think of the saying..."don't play hard to get..BE hard to get'.

^agree......

Have interests

Have friends

Have a separate and independent life

Basically, let someone be PART of your life. Don't work your life around them.

Do your own thing, let them come to you.

So, basicaly not being too available...

But is that really a "challenge" as such?

So, basicaly not being too available...

 

But is that really a "challenge" as such?

It's not about pretending to be unavailable. It's about really having your own stuff going on in your life.

And yes, that is a challenge.

So, basicaly not being too available...

 

But is that really a "challenge" as such?

I wouldn't want to date a "challenge" but, I'd want to date a guy with a life, friends, and hobbies differing from my own.

I wouldn't want a guy to depend on me for entertainment, fun, and guidance all the time...or even most of the time.

Do you mean a bad challenge, or someone who challenges the mind of their partner in a good way?

I wouldn't want to date smoeone who was a challenge in the sense that it was just too difficult to get anywhere with him. But i do want him to challenge my mind.

for me a challenge is to question my own beliefs and grow as a person. the same applies to a potential partner. I'm not very fond of pretending or downplaying my emotions for someone. Hell, there is so much crap going on around, that i don't think it can ever be a bad thing to tell someone that you have feelings for them. But i also make it clear just because I have feelings for them, they can't trample all over me. If they want to keep my respect they have to challenge themselves as well to personal growth. - I do that with friends and partners.

Means don't be too open, have fun, hold back some answers, make the other person work a little, but in a fun way... doesn't mean you have to be closed off. An example, almost everyone knows or asks where someone works/has a job, and(not making this in any way offensive), but if a girl asked me where I worked... as a joke I'd play it off and be like "I'm a stripper that works for free on weekdays and I'm half-off on weekends"... just something stupid, make her guess or figure it out. Don't be so easy otherwise, isn't that the idea of a -challenge-? to have to work a little bit to figure it out...?

Means don't be too open, have fun, hold back some answers, make the other person work a little, but in a fun way... doesn't mean you have to be closed off. An example, almost everyone knows or asks where someone works/has a job, and(not making this in any way offensive), but if a girl asked me where I worked... as a joke I'd play it off and be like "I'm a stripper that works for free on weekdays and I'm half-off on weekends"... just something stupid, make her guess or figure it out. Don't be so easy otherwise, isn't that the idea of a -challenge-? to have to work a little bit to figure it out...?

That to me tho seems more like a sense of humor vs a challenge. The girl knows you are joking, so it is not technically a challenge.

That to me tho seems more like a sense of humor vs a challenge. The girl knows you are joking, so it is not technically a challenge.

Yeah I know, but aren't you going to ask "No really, where do you work?" well... doesn't mean I'll give it up next answer, I could keep going with my first answer, or tell you of my 2nd job... hehe I love being a challenge, I know how to do it... I love challenging girls to keep up with me on the dance floor

Yeah I know, but aren't you going to ask "No really, where do you work?" well... doesn't mean I'll give it up next answer, I could keep going with my first answer, or tell you of my 2nd job... hehe I love being a challenge, I know how to do it... I love challenging girls to keep up with me on the dance floor

Oh you are an enigma not a challenge. HEEHEE

Oh you are an enigma not a challenge. HEEHEE

LoL I guess so... isn't mystery part of being a challenge? I would assume so, it would be boring to flirt with someone who didn't give me a little run for my money... If you were just throwing yourself at me, it would be boring, and no it doesn't matter how attractive you are... I love challenging/strong women...

lol i guess so... Isn't mystery part of being a challenge? I would assume so, it would be boring to flirt with someone who didn't give me a little run for my money... If you were just throwing yourself at me, it would be boring, and no it doesn't matter how attractive you are... I love challenging/strong women...

e=mc2

lol

dont focus on the other person. that doesnt mean be mean, or a jerk, or blow them off. it simply means focus on your life and what you are doing, dont go out of your way to make plans.

I like DropToZero's idea. Basically, you want to become an onion. An onion has so many layers; everytime you peel an onion, you find another layer.

Also, you want to be confusing. You want to push and pull someone alternately. For instance:

1. You show up for the date (pull).

2. You talk about other guys (push).

3. When the date is over, tell him that you'll miss him (pull).

4. But refuse to kiss him (push).

When he starts falling for you, do this:

1. Get mad him whenever you feel like it.

2. But then when he asks you why you're mad, keep changing the answer.

3. Afterward, be suddenly very nice to him. But don't apologise. Instead, shower him with hugs and kisses. Act very soft and gentle. Cook for him.

(The trick here is that the guy thinks that you feel sorry, so he won't insist on an apology. Instead, he'll be very flattered. He'll think, "Hey, I'm a quite a guy. This woman realised what she stood to lose, so she repented. She has a lot of pride, and that's why she isn't apologising. Nevertheless, she really likes me!" Now, the more the guy flatters himself, the more he persuades himself that he is in love with you. Plus, part 3 gives you a chance to showcase your softer, warmer, more feminine side. After this, the guy will always remember how warm you sometimes are. He'll keep looking for this, over and over again.)

Or

1. Do something really nice for him.

2. When he feels really grateful toward you, tell him that you do it for all your friends. It's nothing special.

Or

1. Let him leave something at your place unintentionally (e.g. a book, a watch, etc.).

2. When he comes by to retrieve it, act very cold toward him.

Or

1. Bring him to a lounge. Sit in a dark corner and bond emotionally. Talk about emotion stuff. Don't have sex, though.

2. A few days later, tell him that he means absolutely nothing to you.

Or

1. When you feel like it, be really nice to him. Hug him and kiss him.

2. When you feel like it, be really mean to him. Hang up on his calls.

Note: All tactics listed require timing. You can't do these things on the first two dates, otherwise he will think you're crazy. On the first few dates, you want him to think that you like him. This way, he becomes interested in you. But at the same time, be reserved and mysterious (again see DropToZero's instructions).

Books

The classic book to read on this is Proust's "Madame Swann at Home," part of book two of On the Remembrance of Things Past.

The other book to read is Swingcat's dating manual. It's for guys, but girls should definitely read it.

Last tip

1. Tell him, "I think you're a player" and "I've gotta be careful around you. Something tells me that you break a lot of hearts." (Guys are invariably flattered by this. This is also an invitation to pursue, setting you up as the target and him as the pursuer. Unlike in the natural world, being a target is a good thing in dating.)

Another tip

Sexuality is magnetic. Sometimes, you can feel that an electricity permeates the interaction, e.g. the guy starts speaking lower, slower, and softer. He is no longer interested in the conversation per se - instead, he's interested in you and your body.

At this point, it's advisable to pretend not to notice. Be very unselfconscious about this. This drives guys nuts. Whenever he makes a move, back off a little, but not in a way which terminates his advances.

Philosophy

In the end, remember to have fun. Some skills are necessary for successful dating, such as good timing and not being too clingy.

Not everyone has to "be a challenge." Most people are probably happier with more conventional and "natural" ways of dating. Conventional and "natural" ways of dating often lead to successful, long-term relationships (but just as often not).

Nevertheless, "being a challenge" is a way of life. It has to be your style. Keeping the mystery alive, raising the stakes, enjoying the thrill of the pursuit - Who doesn't want a bit of glamour and romance in her life?

If you want heartbreaking romances, a little attention to tactics can only help. Love is a game. No one can "make" you fall in love. Instead, you see someone, and then you think yourself into "love." Love is constant fluctuation. When something is available, you become interested in it. Then when it suddenly becomes unavailable, you become even more interested.

In the end, each of us is alone. No one can truly belong to you.

they tell you to jump, you don't say how high. you say, i don't feel like jumping right now.

Act emotional one minute, then the next minute tell him you dont care for him?? All that blowing 'hot and cold', the guy wouldn't know if he was frigging coming or going with the above behaviours.

It's a great pity when you feel like you have to follow 'rules'/do certain things to hook a man/woman and keep their interest.

I agree with what others have said, you become more interesting, by having a life, hobbies, interests outside of the relationship...it's as simple as that.

Act emotional one minute, then the next minute tell him you dont care for him?? All that blowing 'hot and cold', the guy wouldn't know if he was frigging coming or going with the above behaviours.

That's the beauty of it. When you finally find a guy who sees through all that behaviour, then you know you've found a real man.

That's the beauty of it. When you finally find a guy who sees through all that behaviour, then you know you've found a real man.

I dont know about that though, there's still a certain "point" to take all those things then you have to give it up, challenge is different than rules.

I could see through it all in the past, you know why? Because I didn't care, not one bit, if you were up and down, I'd just leave you alone and say I won't deal with it and then you'd REALLY be upset...