I'm smothering my boyfriend and it's starting to ruin our relationship....PLEASE HELP

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. In the beginning we were (of course) getting to know each other. Then within a few months we were in love. And just a few months ago I've been feeling closer to him. I've been feeling things that I'm not use to. I am madly in love with him...and it's to the point that I would give my life for his. But along with this unconditional love some bad habits have came in. Like if he doesn't answer the phone....I will call back to back (no matter how many times). And I don't have a problem with him going out with his friends (because I trust him) but if he does I want him 2 call me like every hour and if he doesn't I start calling him. And now that is reallly bothering him and he's been asking me "What's wrong with you?". But I really don't know because usually I'm the type person that doesn't really care about stuff like this. I'm not the type to show my emotions...this is all new to me to. But I really don't want to lose him. I KNOW that he's my soulmate!!! I KNOW I'm supposed to be his WIFE!!! I'm GOING to be the mother of his kids!!! But I feel like if I keep smothering like this I'm gonna make him stray away. So please help me...WHAT CAN I DO TO FIX THIS???

This is something you have to practice, it's like building a muscle... you have to keep doing it, keep controlling the amount of times you call him, let him go out without you bugging him. That is really excessive but you're not going to snap out of it unless you try, and it's going to take some time before you can do it. Next time he goes out, do something else, don't bug him. If he doesn't answer then he'll see you've called but will only be more likely to call you back when you stop calling so excessively. You just have to take a step back and relax...

Okay, slow down. Maybe you will be his wife one day, and maybe not. Either way you will be happy and fulfilled. If he left you tomorrow, you would be sad but eventually you would move on. You don't need him. Find a way to convince yourself of that.

Secondly, set up rules for yourself. Rules about how often you'll call him, how often you'll see him, how much time you'll spend with your girlfriends (please tell me you still hang out with the girls), etc.

You are creating an unhealthy imbalance. It should be give and take, push and pull... You need to let him come to you sometimes.

Everything you are saying is right...but I really have cut everyone off to give my all to him....what should I do about that?

Re-establish your relationships with other people. It's normal, natural, and most of all _healthy_ to have friendships while you're in a relationship. If you're doing more by yourself and while out with other people, you won't be as focused on hanging on to your boyfriend. IE, if he's out with his friends, and you're at home alone, of course you're going to get antsy. But if you're doing something like taking a dance class or talking to friends or watching a movie, then you won't be thinking about what he's doing.

go apologise and make it up to them.

Ok....so I'ma recap what everyone has told me tonight (because I also posted this on my face book). Calm down, go out, don't call him so much, and everything will be ok?

It'll be a good start.

If a woman called that much and wanted me to be in hourly contact, I'd think she's too clingy and insecure for a sreious relationship.

Let him call you withut prompting, and realize you need a life of your own.

It's a huge burden to be someone's everything.

to the OP...i guess i'll be the bad guy here...

just letting you know a possible consequence to this:

you call him up all the time because right now you are sooo heated in love....but keep in mind he might FEEL he is obligated to call you to make you feel happy....so he's gonna start calling you 2-3 times aday, maybe once or twice at work to say hi (trying to make you happy or smile).

now...when this "heated moment" of yours fade (not in a bad way, just calmer) you will start to find this behavior from him (calling all the time..etc) a little too much for you to handle (but still keep in mind he is still doing it to make you happy)......resentment might grow from you and the relationship will take a hit.

another scenario is maybe he calls alot for a few weeks to make you happy, but he wants to take it ez for a little bit, even just for a few days....in those few days when you guys dont talk too much, you will feel like he is doing something behind your back and he is taking you for granted....etc

this is when trust issues start to get in the way....

listen to the above poster...you need to have a life, when you become the gf that clings on to him TOO much and wants HIM to be with YOU at all times....the relationship WILL take a hit...

what i've seen is the guy usually ALSO becomes clingy and needy and in the end....sometimes even become controlling....and by that point, you will feel like you're trapped....etc

anyways gd lck tho, happy loving!

It's a huge burden to be someone's everything.

i think the above statement by Dako says it all............

totally agree

Yea I have a big problem with that too so thanks for posting this.

To alleviate my problem Ive been trying to fill my time with things that bring me happiness and realize that hey this weird feeling of anxiety is your body's response to danger, but here there is no danger! Your alarm system is oversensitive and you need to strengthen your ability to keep it in check. You are with a great guy who deserves your trust, who deserves to have friends and a good happy balanced life, just like you do!

Also think about things and try to see if theres a deeper issue here...why are you clinging to your boyfriend? I've been going to therapy and I, like a lot of people, have my own self-image, self-esteem issues that I need to deal with instead of trying to escape them through reassurances and security given to by my boyfriend. Your strength and security should come from within.

But yea the anxiety can feed off of idle time, so keep yourself busy, start doing things that you used to like before you got into your relationship.

You don't have love - you have "need" and that is the problem.

he'syour source of identity and security - and that is unhealthy.

This is you screaming "I need to be someone's wife, someone's mother to have an identity, a value, a sense of security."

It's just that if he ends the relationship "your future" goes down the drain too....unhealthy.

Thats my story on top, i hope you can relate to it and read everyones comments to help you out!

I know exactly what your doing because im doing it too with my guy! I have my good days dont get me wrong but i just have to call him every sec sometimes and i always want a goodnite text and if he doesnt send it i get freaked out and he might have only just fell asleep! Iv fallen into a reallt bad habit aswell of constantly ringing but i noticed a pattern that when i go maddd and ring and ring and ring he gets annoyed and we fight and things are on the rocks but when i hold back and when he doesnt hear from me we get on way better and he isnt annoyed!