Am i just being paranoid?? Give us your opinions!!

Hi people, i'm new here! This may be quite long so please dun get annoyed =p

Well there's this guy (25yrs) i've known for over a year, and its always been just a hi + bye relationship, i see him every sunday for mass and theres always been something about him.. so i developed a crush on him.. i'm 20. His a very confident guy.. but when he comes to talk to me he seems to get nervous or something..

fast forward: he somehow got my msn and we started talking online and he seemed very curious about me.. he always wanted to know me but i seemed snobish.. but now after getting to know me more throughout the yr in minor convos he says im diff to other girls, im open etc.. Throughout the msn convos he'll be like we should get together outside of mass and then im like yeah sounds good!.. the other night he asked me what i liked to eat .. and said to lets meet up for dinner.. (i didn't think of it as a date..). On that night we hit it off big time and he'll constantly joke around about us going out.. like he'll grab my hand to show his friend we're goin out as a joke.. and i'l just laugh it off.. then he took to me a park..we talked bout some deep issues which was great!

...so i took it as wow my crush has interest in me? after the 'date' he msgs saying it was really good to spend time with me and his lookin forward to gettin to know me better.. so i replied saying i had fun etc.. Later that nite i came on msn, he doesn't say hi.. so i gave in and said hi, he replies immediately.. askin me to make a day for our 2nd meeting..? he was basically flirting with me in person and online.. and ended the msn convo with if you stress out at work tmr just prank me and i'l call. So next day, i pranked.. and he called immediately and acted as if he was my bf in a joking way.. so i laughed it off.. but he had to go out for awhile and told me to call him later if works stressful. But i refused to call again because i feel i don't want to show him i'm desperate.

The next day i saw him at this function and he sits close to me sort of marking his territory and starts saying i was waiting for you to call back, i was going to call you but i thought u woulda been busy.. and his like why didn't u call, don't you want me?? (in a joking way).. so he kept on flirting etc.. i just laughed and said whatever.. and then my mum came and he was being really nice to her etc... and walked off to his other mates.

Then the transition: i got stomache pains while sitting next to my mum and he came over and got medication for me, but then the function was finsihed he seemed rather distant? maybe it was because he was with his friends but it looked hard for him to come to me and talk etc.. he seemed to be avoiding me? I was with friends but still there were times i was standing alone and he didn't come over.. i sort of pretended i didn't notice him - i tend to do that when i like someone, and he did the same thing to me too!! We didn't even really say bye to each other! Then after i went out with people from the function and thought he was coming but he didn't. So next morning i msged him and asked why he wasn't there lastnight and that i'm not comin to mass so have a good week! and asked for this church guys number aswell!, so he replied with the number and asked if i had a good time lastnight. I replied "thanks!! It was ok, should of came! i haven't had any sleep rr.."

Well he hasn't replied..or called.. Im confused! usually if his interested wouldn't he call or keep the msging going? ending with open-ended questions??

I'm a very guarded person when it comes to boys, but this one i feel i gave in too easily.. i feel like i'm being desperate or i'm the one who has to iniate something... His had a bad past.. father abandoned his mum and him and came back when he got cancer and died. His been through alot, he doesn't get along with his mum, his life stage is more like a 20 yr old. He hasn't had a gf in ages and he did tell me he has low confidence in girls etc.. and he hates the way he looks etc... You reckon his just insecure???

Is he interested or what?? What do you think i should do?, wait for him to make the move? Sorry if this sounds all petty and stupid but i feel like i'm going nuts~!! So please any opnions will be great~!

Thanks so much!!

No more messaging! If he calls, he calls. If you see him and he initiates further contact, great, if not, his loss.

This kind of reminds me of the church group I was in during college. A lot of us weren't really that advanced socially ... some 25-year-olds are men, this one isn't yet.

I don't know if it applies, but for reference, read the book "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt, or google for an online summary. Most guys don't let their shyness etc. get in the way for too long, if they really like a girl. That said - I'm just now going through boxes of old paper, and finding some notes from guys. Looks to me like they were pretty into me, but at 20 I didn't get that at ALL. But you're awake and looking for signs of encouragement, so don't make too many excuses for him. Better to just wait and see.

I think it is more likely that you are giving him the impression that you aren't into him in that sort of way. Here's why:

(i didn't think of it as a date..).

he'll constantly joke around about us going out.. like he'll grab my hand to show his friend we're goin out as a joke.. and i'l just laugh it off..

acted as if he was my bf in a joking way.. so i laughed it off..

but he had to go out for awhile and told me to call him later if works stressful. But i refused to call again because i feel i don't want to show him i'm desperate.

starts saying i was waiting for you to call back, i was going to call you but i thought u woulda been busy.. and his like why didn't u call, don't you want me?? (in a joking way).. so he kept on flirting etc.. i just laughed and said whatever..

i sort of pretended i didn't notice him - i tend to do that when i like someone,

I'm with DN. You should have called him because now he thinks you don't like him and he is backing off. This guy has shown you every way possible that he likes you and you made light of it and kinda blew him off. if you still want him, you need to show it....it's now or never as far as I can tell.

No more games.

DN is right. You are giving him all the wrong signals. If you like him and you want him then tell him. We all have to take risks in life to get the things that we want, but for you it wont be much of a risk - he's interested in you too.

His been through alot, he doesn't get along with his mum, his life stage is more like a 20 yr old. He hasn't had a gf in ages and he did tell me he has low confidence in girls etc.. and he hates the way he looks etc... You reckon his just insecure???

You know something? - This sounds exactly like me! (Except for the church thing).

Insecure: Yes.

He's also confused about whether you actually like him or not. DN has pointed out the major issues already. Thing is, as I've said, this guy sounds a lot like me - Especially not liking the way he looks and low confidence.

I can read this guy just from your quoted text above. He's scared, thinks you don't really like him, thinks you are only joking about liking him, and most of all he's scared that you don't like the way he looks. Trust me, I've been this guy in my past.

He's confused now because he doesn't know if you like him or not. He probably thought you were slightly interested and now probably thinks that you were stringing him along. His confidence around you is probably at an all time low and he is probably very disappointed.

If you really like him: Call him. I wouldn't be with my current (and 1st) GF now if she hadn't been persistent. I also thought I was going to look like an idiot. Now I've been living with her for 1.5 years.

Call him.

Doc

Hey people~!

thanks for your replies~! I understand what you guys are saying.. i do have bad communication skills!! Usually to guys I like, I totally ignore them! But this one i feel i have made such an effort..

lastnight he came online and I had to say Hi first, he replies immmediatly and asks when we going to meet up etc. And so his like from all my stress from work and uni its no good for me, his going to be expecting some calls from me! So i'm like so i should call you? his like yes and so forth. So i bluntly came out and said you love girls calling you don't you? and replies laughing, maybe? girls calling me LMAO, where did that come from?, so I was just like laughing.. because you seem like it.. he replies: laughing and says he has to go but he might give me a call to break the trend!! What TREND? I feel like i'm being played.. or is it just paranoia?? well i said yea its cool. and go figure he didn't call!!

In the past guys have told me i intimidate them etc.. but still, i was so open and easy going with this guy..

Am i being played?? It feels like his all recieving and i'm just giving~!!! If its just paranoia it may be because i've had a crush on him for along time..

=(

Yes, I think it is paranoia. He seems bemused that you bring up other girls, like he doesn't even have any other girls.

The TREND? He's playing along with the game that YOU started. I bet he nows feels as paranoid as you and wonders where all that came from so didnt call because he needs to work it out.

Relax and enjoy this one to one, no more talking like your insecure, jealous or paranoid.

Hey people!

Thnks for replies! it's really helpful =)

Just an update! He called yesterday and asked me to come out to a mutual friends b'day dinner. When he called, his like i called you this morning but somehitng wrong with your phone.. and then i just joked saying ergh.. you liar.. as a joke.. i don't know why i said that -.-, well he called everyone and organised everything.. so it wasn't anything special he calling me..

anyways fast forward, i went to meet everyone, and one of his friends are like hey i'll send you a picture of 'the guy' .. so its like somehow they knew aswell?? so in a way i kept abit of distance from him. I also wasn't full laughing and talkative like on our date last week.

Well at the dinner, there was like 20 people and we sat at different tables, because i was with some girls.. and vice versa. We didn't talk at all, i sort of pretended i was having a great time.. never looking at him.. and then dinner was done and we all wanted coffee so everyone hopped in different cars... so i hopped into a friends car and he went into someone elses car. At that point i felt like we were strangers? or back to day 1 i met him. While driving to the cafe i felt sick so basically i went home.. i didn't say bye to him or anything.. he didn't call either..

Is it me that's the problem here? Am i just sending out the wrong signals~??? Or is it him that's not interested?? What should i do`???

I'm just so scared if i show i like him, it may backfire?,

Well no one can read his mind but from what you have written it's you giving out the wrong signals again.

He thought of you, invited you and you called him a lair? I mean, whats that about?? Feel flattered that he called and trust him when he says something was wrong with your phone, say oh ok, seems to be working just fine again now, but thanks for letting me know, I'm glad you called back etc..

Also, you should have flashed your eyes accross the room and smiled at him for him to know you like him. Given in body language etc.

You should have also walked out together, slowing down or speeding up to walk along side him so that you went off in the same car together.

You should have said goodbye to him.

Everyone fears rejection, including him but it IS coming over that you are rejecting him. I'd be surprised if he called again I'm sorry.

If you got the guts and want to turn this around, I would call him and thank him for a good night, say sorry that you didn't get the chance to say goodnight and ask him if he wanted to spend some time together just the two or you. I don't know if it's too late but if you really like him, it's worth a shot.

Think about what you say and how you come accross. Because right now, your showing that your not interested at all and wishes he would leave you alone.

I agree with Bethany - you need to show him you like him and you are doing the exact opposite.